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Thread: Boyfriend's Dad Has No Boundaries

  1. #11
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    Thank you for your reply. My boyfriend is in his 40s, which is why this feels so ridiculous to us, and I have supported myself since age 18. That's why it sucks every day to feel like we're 12 even though we're both working to contribute most of the building's rent.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pinkyankovic
    Actually what prompted me to post this today was that he walked in this morning while I was changing my bra... he gave me a stern look and then continued to the bathroom! and I ended up being the embarrassed one!
    Unfortunately.....it's rather possible that he actually gets off on this and does what he does precisely because of the thrill of sometimes walking in and getting "lucky". Put on an interior lock or get out of there. This man is more than without boundaries, he is creepy af.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I agree it's time to find your own place together that is not owned by family.
    This will establish a more equal footing and position to be treated more as an equal rather than the sons gf who is living in their building.
    In your own place, you can establish whatever boundaries you want. There are always strings when a favour is done, a cost , and this blurring of lines can be cut by ending the continued assistance ( in the form of cheap rent and not having to go through regular hoops) from his father.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    My boyfriend and I pay the highest rent in the building, which we can barely afford
    I suspect that ^^^ is why moving out isn't much of an option.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pinkyankovic
    Actually what prompted me to post this today was that he walked in this morning while I was changing my bra... he gave me a stern look and then continued to the bathroom! and I ended up being the embarrassed one!
    Don't be embarrassed, flaunt those puppies, Pinky. He's rude and should be made to be the one that feels uncomfortable.

    P.S. *get that privacy lock, pronto* not a deadbolt. Its against the landlord/tenant act here in Ontario to put such a lock on your unit. It's also against the LL/T act to not give a key (if there is one to be had) to any lock placed on the door. A chain lock has no key hole nor key needed so it would at least stop him from just coming in and he would have to wait until you opened it for him.

    You should really read the lease... Do you have one with him?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I don't know how tenant laws work in your state, but where I live, you're not allowed to just change the lock without notice to the owner or their approval.

    I know it sucks, but I think the only solution to your problem here is to look for a new place. The increased rent won't be the best, but at least you'll have privacy and peace of mind.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    What would I do? I'd move. And while I were getting my ducks in a row in that endeavor, I'd install a chain lock. Unfortunately, if it's not a breach of property law, it will be a breach in 99.99% of the leases out there to change out a lock without the property owner having access. Give him as little fuel as possible, particularly if you want to go the legal route.

    And yes, it's obviously illegal if there isn't an emergency. The big question is what kind of time and money do you want to sink in to have your rights legally enforced? If you're off work for the season with more money than you know what to do with, by all means go crazy and deal with the drama of legal threats and, likely, lawyers. And then what's your big reward? Saving a few hundred bucks a months living in Bushwick while your and your boyfriend's relationship with the guy and perhaps his family is shot to ****? None of it's worth it.

    Honestly, the only investment I might make a goal would be dropping a few hundred bucks to cam and mic the apartment entry and use the documentation to support you breaking the lease should he be the one so petty as to make it a legal headache. Then feel free to go through all the hoops and drama you would have before. Consult a lawyer either way. Or at the very least a tenants rights advocacy group. They're a dime a dozen in NYC.
    Last edited by j.man; 08-30-2019 at 01:47 PM.

  9. #18
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    We do not have a lease (although we've been trying to draw one up with him for almost a year, but he keeps saying it isn't necessary). In terms of laws, we live in NYC, and most of the laws are in the tenant's favor here.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pinkyankovic
    We do not have a lease (although we've been trying to draw one up with him for almost a year, but he keeps saying it isn't necessary). In terms of laws, we live in NYC, and most of the laws are in the tenant's favor here.
    You are not in a financial position to be able to move so just get the chain lock (discuss with hubby first so you are BOTH in agreement about installing it) which will stop him from just barging in. He can still come and go as he pleases when you're not there but at least he won't catch you changing while you are there. I'd get that cam as well to see what he's actually doing while there and why he needs to be in there so damn often.

    Good luck.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    I don't know how tenant laws work in your state, but where I live, you're not allowed to just change the lock without notice to the owner or their approval.

    I know it sucks, but I think the only solution to your problem here is to look for a new place. The increased rent won't be the best, but at least you'll have privacy and peace of mind.
    You cannot change locks, but you can add a blind deadbolt or a chain or equivalent. Basically, something you can use only while you are inside the unit. There are also laws requiring the landlord to give 24 hours notice before entering. Again, in many places, the interior only extra lock or chain is required by law.

    I keep emphasizing landlord, because that is what this is. This is an apartment building and a formal lease of one of the apartments. This is not a situation where the OP is living in the parent's home. This is a business and needs to be treated as such. The guy's father has certain legal obligations to all his tenants regardless of being friends, relatives, etc. The personal relationship level is actually irrelevant here.

    Without a written lease, you are month to month tenants. You still have all tenant rights with the exception that you can leave with 30 day notice...also get evicted with same or less. In short, if you want to put effort into finding a better place to live and succeed, you can get out easily and quickly.

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