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She wants me to be friends with the rebound


Empof401

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So long story short we broke up after 10 years. She rebounded within 2 weeks with a guy we both knew. So it’s been about 4 months. She always gives me breadcrumbs about getting back together. She tells me how much of a good friend the rebound is and how she doesn’t want to lose him for good. She says she wants us(the rebound and I) to be friends if we do get back together. I disagree I don’t think it’s right. But my question is, is this immature? Has anyone else done this? I don’t feel like I could trust them

 

Right now I’m not feeling reconciliation. Too much has happened. She would really have to prove herself.

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Yes, she is immature and unemphatic. She is in fact disrespecting you hugely and you might not even realise it.

 

I advise you to tell her you're not open to ANYTHING (no relationship, friendship or even speaking) as long as that other guy is in the picture and then just walk away. Don't try to argue. It's what you want and she'll contact you down the road if she changes her mind. If she does contact you then, be extremely critical. Her respect for you starts with respect for yourself.

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Are you still sleeping with her, as she is still with the other guy? What a messed up situation, especially for the kids.

 

You should only be in contact regarding the kids, and she should NOT be staying with you. Does she still have you on rotation with her bf and sister?

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I might be going mad but i can't see any reference to having kids unless OP has edited?

 

ANyway you shouldnt be friends with him, get some self respect man. If you have kids contact her ONLY regarding them. If you dont have kids block and delete!

 

I looked into the history. I think he omitted by choice.

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Here it is:

 

"10 years 2 kids left me for another man advice please

I need some advice. So after a 10 year relationship and 2 kids 27m 26f. Relationship was pretty good imo vacations, laughter good times. I got laid off last year was on unemployment and in school for a year during this time it was very stressful on the both of us I admit. I also admit I neglected her in some ways I wasn’t doing things around the house or helping with the kids as much as I could. All the signs were there, her attitude changed, she started going out all the time. As soon as I finished school and got on my feet she hit me with the “I need space to find myself, blah blah” she has been unhappy with herself, her job, her life for a while and I feel she’s projecting that too. Prior to the breakup I started finding pics of her and some dude and phone calls. 2 weeks later confirmed she is sleeping with him she says it got physical after but she definitely emotionally cheated. Lies on lies on lies. I know the love was real and I wasn’t the most faithful early on in the relationship. She tells me all these bread crumbs” I’m her soulmate,In the future.” I don’t think it’s going to last with her and this guy. I understand she cheated and has shown me she’s untrustworthy but a part of me does feel it was just the toll of this last year. I think I could forgive her. At first I was begging and pleading but now realize how pathetic that is considering the situation. I’m now in limited contact. She told me she fears losing me it’s like she doesn’t want me to move on. Later admitted she just needed to see what’s out there I don’t know if it’s gigs or what. She acts overly nice now that I’ve put my foot down and wished her the best. I don’t get it. My question is would you guys take someone back in this situation. She comes between my place,her sisters, and the rebounds. I really love this woman and we have 2 beautiful children. What are the chances of fixing things. It’s been 3 months now a lot of personal progress has been made I’m pretty neutral about things

 

Update: we ended up drinking together and sleeping together. my curiousity got the best of me and I went through her phone and seen a bunch of things I shouldn’t have about her and the rebound among others. I ended up messaging rebound letting him know where I stand because I found out he was around my children. I know I shouldn’t have. She was very upset saying I ruined things between them(which I doubt) I’m the core of most of their convos.

 

Also understand that I understand I shouldn’t be waiting and focus on moving on which I am.

 

I know that since she cheated and left me for someone else I should have self respect l, dignity, value. I’m working on that I’ve realized my worth. Not ready to date yet but almost there.

 

We have been together since high school she has had a decent amount of partners but I do see that the relationship got boring I couldn’t do as much because of my work/school situation

 

She seems so obsessed with the rebound seeing him everyday so much to the point of neglecting her children. Is this normal? Is she in love? Is it the newness? Gigs?

 

But my questions are

•what are the chances of us getting back together we were together since high school and I feel like if the relationship was that bad she would have left a long time ago

 

•should I believe in second chances?

 

•She seems so obsessed with the rebound seeing him everyday so much to the point of neglecting her children. Is this normal? Is she in love? Is it the newness? Gigs? Will this fade it’s terrible to see how she swoons.

 

* can you really get over someone you have children with?

* Do these things make relationships stronger I feel deep down that it’s a test and that we will be back together(she also says the same thing but also says rebound may be something more). Or I may be delusional"

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No we are not sleeping together. I don’t entertain her. Believe me my self respect is all I think about. I do believe it’s entirely disrespectful. She wasn’t always selfish but since the breakup she has been. Even said “I’m tired of doing for others.”(our family and I). Like I said I wouldn’t allow it I just needed opinions because she makes me seem like I’m the crazy one. I know it’s absurd. I still haven’t seen the guy in person at all. I know it would not be good though. She wants her cake and to eat it too. But overall I am in LC/NC. She contacts me more then ever. I’m focused on myself, my children, my career. Her attitude and character has been disgusting she’s not the same person I loved she’s taken a complete 180 even putting this man before the kids. She has been extremely selfish

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I even asked what she expected from this “friendship” she doesn’t even know. I’m detached from the situation emotionally. I am holding up well just needed opinions to confirm I’m not wrong for feeling she is being ridiculous

 

She does not love or respect you. This is evident.

 

When did you stop sleeping together? Is she still staying over? Have you sought an attorney?

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She replaced you very quickly. It shows how little she cares for you, or cared for you. Barely any tears and onto the next guy..wow.

 

Now she wants you all to be friends? How self centered is she? This is about her and her guilt, she is trying to lessen it by having you give the okay and accept her and her boyfriend.

 

It's also a way to keep you on the back burner, just in case, but to be in this man's bed.

 

She's fairly selfish and isn't considering your feelings. It makes more sense to block her, (after all, she made her choice) and to leave the past in the past.

 

But for you to remain in the background and pretend you're all "friends" to appease her, is just wrong and weird. Of course it's going to be difficult for you, this wasn't a short relationship and she moved on very quickly.

 

You really should stay away from both of them.

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No we don’t sleep together. We slept together maybe once after the breakup. I stopped all of that. The lack of love and respect has become very apparent through her actions so much more has happened. Why does she “we can move past this” and “ I honestly see us getting back together in the future” I don’t initiate these convos. When she sees me in person it’s obvious she still has feelings. I cut her off as much as possible

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They don't sleep together...how do you know? Unless you are following them around 24/7...you don't know. And I doubt she's going to be honest with you about it.

 

She can see you two together in the future even though she wants you to sit around like a fool while she plays around with this guy? Wow...talk about a selfish centered cold hearted you know what.

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Oh they definitely f*ck. I didn’t handle things well at first and went through her phone. I misunderstood. They do everything a couple does just doesn’t put a label on it. She posts him on her social media stories and stuff. But exactly I’m seeing other women now too. I’m not going to be a fool I’ve never had a problem with women. It’s sad it’s really like she wants me to wait she’s always prying about other women and what I’m doing

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This is an awkward triangular proposition. Decline.

 

Do not involve yourself with people you would rather not be involved with (ie. her label-less man friend). Be mindful that someone who attempts to propose an idea to you that is clearly not in your best interests is someone who does not have your best interests.

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