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Is My Friend Being "Fake?"


angiie

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For some context, I've been friends with this person for around 7 years now, but we've had multiple complications in the past (ex. she manipulated class into disliking me, I call her out on a lot of things and she becomes defensive, etc.). I had cut ties with her a while back, but she soon came back and the rest of our friend group accepted her before I had time to offer my opinion. Now, sometime around a year ago, this friend (whom I will name K) started to feel attraction towards this boy in one of her classes (whom I will nickname N). They were talking for a bit and texting, and she seemed to feel pretty happy and she believed he could do no wrong. But, she confessed to him and he said, "Sorry, I only like Asian girls," (she's Latina) and after that, she began to hate him. She began to accuse him of fetishizing Asian women, she hated the very idea of him, and all that jazz. She would continuously tell us how she hated him and how she never wanted to talk to him ever again. Now, soon I started to feel attracted to him and long story short, he and I got together. Once K found out, she told me stuff such as, "He's a terrible person, be careful I'm only looking out for you." While he and I were together, she seemed somewhat colder and she still told me about how she hated him and how he was a horrible person. Another long story short, he dumped me and she had a short "I told you so" moment and told me that he was, indeed, a terrible person. But, now that he's single again, he's started texting her again and she's openly allowing it. She pretends to hate him, but she still openly shows us their conversations and acts disgusted and weirded out. They text pretty much every day, and they've been talking a lot as of recently. Before, she opposed the idea of him hanging out with us, but now, when the idea was brought up and I was against it for obvious reasons, she claimed that "whatever happened between you and N is your guys' business alone; I see no reason as to why I should dislike him since it's not my business." She openly shows their conversations in front of me and talks about him a lot, despite my obvious displeasure with it. I've even caught her on her social media posting stuff such as "stop being so caring towards me, let assume you're a horrible person and let me let you go." She knows how he's manipulative and an all around bad person, yet now that he's single, showing her attention again, and not with me anymore, she's back on her bs. Thoughts? :)

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Just ignore her. She's immature and he's not a catch (doesn't sound that great going back and forth). Hang out around other friends at school or hang around them and in one ear, out the other. In other words, don't really listen to their bs. Don't be afraid to meet and speak with other people at school.

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So are you actually friends with this girl? I think she does sound immature and very jealous. It's clear she actually likes this guy and she bad mouthed him so much only because he rejected her advances. It's very immature to keep saying bad things about someone just because they weren't romantically interested in her. But the guy sounds very immature too because he rejected her, then dated you, now goes back to her? And keeps leading her on even though he's not even into her? Though sorry to say but if she's your actual friend then you kind of broke the "girl code" by dating her crush. If she's not your friend then I'd say just try to avoid her and avoid your ex too. They don't sound like quality people.

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Just ignore her. She's immature and he's not a catch (doesn't sound that great going back and forth). Hang out around other friends at school or hang around them and in one ear, out the other. In other words, don't really listen to their bs. Don't be afraid to meet and speak with other people at school.

 

Thank you for your response! Haha, I'm aware he isn't a catch, now. To be honest, my friend is the only person in the group who is like this; everyone else is mature, and a few of my friends within the group even agree with me on how infuriating K is being. Should we confront her about this? Because the others in the group are remaining silent about it and they go along with what she says.

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You need to learn to ignore her. The level of immaturity in your group of friends is astounding. Find some better friends who are not as flighty and catty as this girl is.

 

Thank you for responding! I wish I could ignore her haha, but she's pretty much everywhere I go when I'm with this group. The rest of the group is not problematic at all, it's pretty much only her. The others are very mature, they just remain silent (with the exception of a few others who agree with me about how infuriating K is). They aren't catty at all, either. Should I, along with some other friends, confront her about it, or just completely ignore her and continue on w/ what I'm doing?

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So are you actually friends with this girl? I think she does sound immature and very jealous. It's clear she actually likes this guy and she bad mouthed him so much only because he rejected her advances. It's very immature to keep saying bad things about someone just because they weren't romantically interested in her. But the guy sounds very immature too because he rejected her, then dated you, now goes back to her? And keeps leading her on even though he's not even into her? Though sorry to say but if she's your actual friend then you kind of broke the "girl code" by dating her crush. If she's not your friend then I'd say just try to avoid her and avoid your ex too. They don't sound like quality people.

 

Thank you for your input! :) Yes, I would say that we're friends (maybe even best friends, I can't be sure), but our friendship isn't really healthy (and it never really has been since we don't get along all that well). Him leading her on is very accurate, and I couldn't have worded it better myself. And, when he and I first got together, I will admit that I did feel bad about breaking the "girl code," and that had always been in the back of my mind. I am avoiding my ex as much as possible, but as for her, we're in the same, close-knit group so she's pretty much everywhere I go. Neither of them are quality people, but the rest are.

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Don't badmouth her, don't talk behind her back. You'll just make yourself look ugly and like your parents did a bad job bringing you up. You won't need to confront her either (not on something so petty or small). She'll learn eventually and it doesn't need to come from you. Hang with the others.

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My thoughts are: I'm surprised you lasted 7 years with this friend. If I were you, I'd steer clear and learn to distance myself from her because she sounds very mentally unstable and insecure which causes her to behave irrationally and erratically. The guy (N) sounds like he's abnormal as well. You need to leave both of them alone.

 

Never forget she manipulated the class into disliking you. I would never trust a person like this and this person would become my soon to be ex-friend.

 

I would remain civil, polite yet deliberately distant. You need to enforce healthy boundaries with others in order to survive and for your own mental well-being.

 

Be careful though. Don't gossip about others, don't post anything on social media, text, emails or messenger about anything that could be saved, forwarded, copied / pasted and the like. Watch your back and protect yourself always.

 

Surround yourself with good, upstanding moral people. Associate with people who will treat you with respect and conscientious kindness.

 

You you need new friends because the type of people you choose as friends are a reflection of who you are no matter what a good person you are. Become a better judge of character and you will have a good life. Any other way ends up in disaster. Avoid stress and angst by taking back control of your life such as the people you allow in it.

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The best thing to do is stop revolving your life around catty girls. Join some groups clubs, sports after school activities and focus on your grades and getting into good colleges.

 

When you focus on your studies and join some groups clubs and sports you'll make friends with new people who have more elevated interests and don't act as catty and cliquish as this. No one can "make" anyone dislike you.

 

Delete and block any and all people who annoy you from your social media. Ask your parents and teachers for help if you feel you are being bullied in any way.

she manipulated class into disliking me.
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I would ask her if she thinks he is so "terrible" then why does she engage. Hopefully, it will shut her down. Then, just ignore her, and change the topic.. All of this sounds so dramatic and boring.

 

 

 

Have you considered expanding your friend group?

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Thank you for your input! :) Yes, I would say that we're friends (maybe even best friends, I can't be sure), but our friendship isn't really healthy (and it never really has been since we don't get along all that well). Him leading her on is very accurate, and I couldn't have worded it better myself. And, when he and I first got together, I will admit that I did feel bad about breaking the "girl code," and that had always been in the back of my mind. I am avoiding my ex as much as possible, but as for her, we're in the same, close-knit group so she's pretty much everywhere I go. Neither of them are quality people, but the rest are.

 

She is your best friend and you talk about her like this. You are just as bad as her.

 

Stop talking about people.

 

Are you in high school?

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It sounds like you may be in middle or high school -- let me preface this by saying how glad I am that I did not have access to social media through grade 12 -- my first words of advice are Limit Yourself On Social Media. That is just unrelated personal advice, because I think it tends to be cringe-worthy to look back at all the things you self-publish. Maybe keep a journal instead so you can remember things privately.

 

Your friendship with K sounds toxic. We have only heard this scenario from your side, but ask yourself these questions: Do you think K has your best interest at heart? Do you think K would cancel plans with you to spend time with N (and would she feel guilt about this)? Do you feel listened to when you have conversations with K? Have friends of yours admitted to having similar problems with K (although ultimately your experience is what's important here)? Do you feel comfortable communicating with K when you're upset with her? If no, then why not?

 

When it comes down to it... the next time K brings up N, just say, "You've been talking about N a lot. Let's talk about something else." If that feels too confrontational, then just try to naturally change the subject (toxic people will always bring back up what they want to talk about).

 

I had a toxic friend through college, and it took me years (even with people telling me to walk away) to realize that she truly didn't care about me, and for me to move on. These people latch on to considerate, emotionally generous people, which I can tell that you are because instead of just cutting her out, you came here.

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