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Thread: I slept with my friend

  1. #1
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    I slept with my friend

    I'm an 18-year-old college student, and my friend who I met on tinder while getting ready to move into my dorms and I have become quite close since we met, we are in the same Dungeons and Dragons group, we play chess and he was the person to convince me to try smoking pot for the first time. He was there for a lot, and when I went through my first bad encounter with it, which was also my first encounter, he was there, and he let me sleep in his room, not even trying to make a move what so ever so I felt extremely comfortable with him. Well, a few nights ago, I came over after being stood up on a date by a mutual friend that I was interested in. After I came over, we watched a few shows on Hulu, and then we watched some other movies on Disney+ well as I am used to sleeping in the same bed as him, and he never minded. It was no different this night except for the fact that we were both sober. And I don't know how it happened, but we kept inching closer, and I was terrible at reading signs so I move away and it happened again. We kissed, after this, I have been at his apartment every night since then, we have been at it every night and morning, and I have no idea what even to think. I have no idea if I actually have any romantic interest, or if it's just casual. I have no idea what he thinks. Worst of all, even if I wanted more to come from this, he might be moving in a month, so I might just be wasting my time. I never planned to get into this mess, and I have no idea what to do or what to think. at least I get to be away for a week while I'm home for Thanksgiving break.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You need to start taking responsibility for your choices and actions. You CHOSE to smoke pot (not a good choice at all imo). You CHOSE to sleep with him. You could have said no to both but you were enough curious to try them. If these choices make you feel bad/uncomfortable you can always choose to stop doing them at any time. If he doesn't respect that, then he is not a friend and you need to distance yourself from him.

    "I don't know how it happened" is an immature and dangerous mentality to live by.
    If you relinquish control to chance and let things happen to you, you risk ending up with all kinds of regrets and even nasty consequences that can haunt for the rest of your life e.g. an std, an unwanted pregnancy a drug arrest, a physical or mental trauma and the list goes on. If you are not sure about something then it's best to stop, take a step back and reflect on the risks and possible consequences rather than mindlessly go ahead.

    The answer lies within you. If you are unsure about something it's best to wait and research it until you are clear about what you want. Start planning what you want to do with your life, what are your wishes and what are your boundaries/deal-breakers. You need to set boundaries when it comes to relationships and it is YOUR responsibility to have them and uphold/protect them. If someone disrespects your boundaries then it is YOUR responsibility to explain what you want and to distance yourself from them if they don't respect your wishes about how you want to be treated.

    This is a learning opportunity for you. It sounds like you are not comfortable with this "relationship". If that is the case, you have every right to stop, take a step back and figure out what you want. Things don't just happen to you. What happens is a result of your actions and the choices you make. E.g. If you choose to smoke pot or drink alcohol to the point of losing control, you open yourself up to all kinds of danger. That is a choice that can lead to all kinds of bad consequences. Good luck.

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    Well, yes, I'm aware that I chose to sleep with him, but this has nothing to do with the pot. He just introduced me to it is all, he has stopped as again he may be moving and will need to get a new job, and I being still relatively new to that do not do it often and have only done it in his apartment. And the issue isn't that I feel bad or uncomfortable with it because I don't know how to feel about it at all. He's a great friend, again he could have tried to make a move when we were high, but he didn't. I also haven't just had sex with someone and continued to go back unless I was in a relationship. I've been single since April now, and since then, and especially since starting college, I've been around. But for once in a while, I feel comfortable going back, and I enjoy it. I have no idea whether I should act like nothing happens when we hang out or if I should want something more. I'm also aware college is a time to be young and wild but I'm trying to do it as safe as can be done. I just flat out have no idea what I want here. My friends have asked me if I like him, I don't even know that because he's a great friend, a great guy, he's great in bed, he's decently looking, he's no 10 out of 10 but he is far from revolting. but with all that said I still don't even have a clue if I want anything romantic.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Then maybe you need to talk to him and give it more time. Imo, there is no "should" when it comes to how you feel. You feel how you feel and that is valid. Feeling uncertain is valid. The fact that he may be moving in a month makes things uncertain. The fact that you don't know what he thinks makes things uncertain. If he is a great guy and a great friend then it might help to ask him what he thinks about you two. You are only getting to know each other so it's ok not to know. Talking to each other about how you view things and exchanging views might help clarify things.

    P.S. Convincing you to try pot doesn't make him sound like a good influence, hence, my original post. Of course, not taking advantage of you and otherwise treating you with respect so far is in his favor. However, most people are not all good or all bad and at first we all tend to be on our best behaviour. It usually takes time to see one's true colors.
    Last edited by Clio; 11-26-2019 at 03:40 AM.

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    your last point is quite fair. and thank you for your input this helps a little. I think I will talk to him next Tuesday when we hang out again for dungeons and dragons. this will give me time to think and then build up the courage to ask him what he thinks. hopefully, it could make things a little more certain.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok use the time away to reflect on if smoking pot and having sex is what you want out of this because that's all he's offering at this point.
    Originally Posted by Sm ms horror
    he was the person to convince me to try smoking pot for the first time.
    I have been at his apartment every night since then, we have been at it every night and morning, and I have no idea what even to think.
    I get to be away for a week while I'm home for Thanksgiving break.


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