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Thread: Sexless marriage???

  1. #81
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Not all the kids do it . That is a fallacy. My son never did it. Never had a cola in his life let alone a joint . Something tells me she is hiding something about herself and this is paying off your daughter to hide it.

  2. #82
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    I have a suspicion but of course I have zero proof, especially since I know none of you.

    I would just do whatever it takes to put a stop to the drug use and drinking and (probable ) sexual activity.

  3. #83
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I have a suspicion but of course I have zero proof, especially since I know none of you.

    I would just do whatever it takes to put a stop to the drug use and drinking and (probable ) sexual activity.
    Suspicious??

  4. #84
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Not all the kids do it . That is a fallacy. My son never did it. Never had a cola in his life let alone a joint . Something tells me she is hiding something about herself and this is paying off your daughter to hide it.
    What are you thinking?

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  6. #85
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is hearsay. You need to be able to have a dialogue with your wife and daughter whether you are married, separated or divorced. It sounds like you'll do anything or say anything to move back in. When you make these accusations without proof or backup it sounds like you are practicing your reasoning for moving back in. However it's your house so you don't need to create more drama.

    Dragging your child to a doctor like a criminal is a horrible thing to do when "you can't divulge your sources" of this allegation. Divorces can get very ugly with the kids becoming collateral damage and you two are both on your way to doing that. All because you're fighting over who gets to stay in the house.

    You would have to keep up your end of payments, child support, etc anyway. What you do need and unfortunately keep avoiding is talking to an attorney and a therapist. You just don't want to get divorced and she does. It's very sad but true. And now you are claiming neighborhood gossip is the reason you're moving back in. Very sad. You are getting very bad advice on how to make this a manipulative and nasty situation rather than simply getting appropriate advice from a therapist and attorney.
    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    I am moving back home today but my wife is unaware. I will return today but unfortunately I canít divulge what Iíve heard as it would ruin a friendship but I see it as a true friend would speak out if they felt wrong was being done. I contacted my wife to say if she finds she is struggling with the upkeep of the house financially I will help her to save her having to worry about a roof over there heads.

  7. #86
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Wiseman is, in my opinion, spot on.

    Whatever is going on between you and your wife does not change the fact that you are parents. That means being able to talk about thingsówith each other, with your daughteróin a rational and constructive manner. Turning hearsay and overheard snippets into a new battle in World War Three does no one any favors, least of all your daughter. If she does not already feel like a pawn between mom and dadóabout the most awful feeling a kid can feelóshe's likely very close. Just know that is a far more damaging thing for a kid to experience than a few hits of a joint.

    So, are you concerned? Okay. Bring up those concerns with your wife, calmly and directly. This is parenting 101, with the specifics hereóboys in room, potentially experimenting with weed or tobaccoópretty standard issue when it comes to adolescents. Start there. Something like: "I need a moment to talk about our daughter. I heard x and y"ówhile being 100 percent transparent how you heard x and y, so you're removing drama rather than adding dramaó"and I need to know we're on the same page here." You can put it first in an email, should things get messy, while also trying to avoid the messiest of messes. And then you talk, and see about getting back on that page, as adult parents. Once there, you talk with your daughter, to see about getting back on the same page as a family.

    You are still a family. You are also still an adult human being. You've got to step into all that, while stepping into the reality that your marriage is dissolving. Hard stuff, yes, but you are not the only person to experience this. A lawyer, a therapistóthose are the mature, adult moves right now. Passive aggressively moving back in to play parent spyóno. That is not going to fix the messónot the mess of the marriage, not the disconnect in parenting, not whatever your daughter may or may not being doing at 15.

    I know it's hard. But if you think your wife is is in an "adolescent" phase of parenting, and that your daughter is in a tangled moment of adolescence, you can't respond in an adolescent manner yourself.

  8. #87
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    Well another update I didnít move back home and I did TRY and talk it out with my wife.
    My information was solid not on solid it was true once I spoke to my wife about it.

    It would take me an age and a day to type all that has been going on in the house behind my back. It seems my wife chose to hide all this from me and being able to do so because I work nights.

    I have also been to a councillor and spoke about this situation and I will say again because it keeps getting dragged up and Iím being made the bad egg here. I AM GOING TO A COUNCILLOR MY WIFE REFUSES TO.

    The situation with the home is that my canít afford the home on her own so she has chosen to move out. I have explained this is not what I want to happen but she is mind set she is going.

    A lot of things have shed light over the past week that I have been either made unaware of or it has been hidden from me,,,,why I have no idea and my wife canít explain her actions to me.

    I wasnít for a second doing anything or everything to move back in. I was terrified of what was happening to my child while I wasnít there, plain and simple as that.

    I went back to see the councillor and had a chat with her about what was going on. She explained that what my wife is doing and allowing is a crime especially the fact she is buying minors alcohol. She is allowing the minors to use our home as a doss for there drinking and drug use. Some of these kids are only 14 years old.

    But as I said my information is solid so I felt I was doing the correct thing. As it stands now I am moving back into my home at the end of the month and I will stay alone there.
    When I had the chat with my wife she admitted all this had been going on and she seen no wrong in it all. She thinks what she is allowing is perfectly fine,,,I donít and neither does anybody else I have spoken to.

    I am also aware my marriage is breaking down, thatís why I come on here. I need advice from people but it seems some prefer to play the blame game. I AM NOT THE ONE IN THE WRONG HERE AND I AM NOT THE ONE WHO IS CAUSING MY MARRIAGE TO BREAK DOWN,,,, THIS IS ALL MY WIFES CHOICE.

    I now accept its over after all that has happened over the past week, after finding out whatís been going on behind my back. Lies, deceit, backstabbing, accusations and all against me.
    I now have to move on and make a new life and make sure my daughter is ok and start to build a new relationship with her and hope that she understands one day Iím not being nasty and Iím not being horrible Iím trying to protect her and be a good dad.

  9. #88
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Personally , I think your wife is having an affair. I would also apply for total custody of your daughter based on the fact her mother has extremely poor judgement skills.

  10. #89
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Personally , I think your wife is having an affair. I would also apply for total custody of your daughter based on the fact her mother has extremely poor judgement skills.
    I honestly donít think she is. In a way I wish she was because then I would no the reason behind all this.
    I think she is having some kind of mental issues but she says sheís not and refuses help.

    Either way Iím done. I know people on here seem to think Iím the one in the wrong but without knowing me personally and knowing whatís been happening in my life itís a bit unfair to judge me in such a way.

    Anyway Iím done with it all. Iím so tired and Iím totally worn out to the point Iím actually making myself ill with it all. Iíve had the worst year of my whole life this year due to this and other issues at the beginning of the year. These past six months have taken there toll on my and I canít do it anymore.

  11. #90
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Well another update I didnít move back home and I did TRY and talk it out with my wife.
    My information was solid not on solid it was true once I spoke to my wife about it.

    It would take me an age and a day to type all that has been going on in the house behind my back. It seems my wife chose to hide all this from me and being able to do so because I work nights.

    I have also been to a councillor and spoke about this situation and I will say again because it keeps getting dragged up and Iím being made the bad egg here. I AM GOING TO A COUNCILLOR MY WIFE REFUSES TO.

    The situation with the home is that my canít afford the home on her own so she has chosen to move out. I have explained this is not what I want to happen but she is mind set she is going.

    A lot of things have shed light over the past week that I have been either made unaware of or it has been hidden from me,,,,why I have no idea and my wife canít explain her actions to me.

    I wasnít for a second doing anything or everything to move back in. I was terrified of what was happening to my child while I wasnít there, plain and simple as that.

    I went back to see the councillor and had a chat with her about what was going on. She explained that what my wife is doing and allowing is a crime especially the fact she is buying minors alcohol. She is allowing the minors to use our home as a doss for there drinking and drug use. Some of these kids are only 14 years old.

    But as I said my information is solid so I felt I was doing the correct thing. As it stands now I am moving back into my home at the end of the month and I will stay alone there.
    When I had the chat with my wife she admitted all this had been going on and she seen no wrong in it all. She thinks what she is allowing is perfectly fine,,,I donít and neither does anybody else I have spoken to.

    I am also aware my marriage is breaking down, thatís why I come on here. I need advice from people but it seems some prefer to play the blame game. I AM NOT THE ONE IN THE WRONG HERE AND I AM NOT THE ONE WHO IS CAUSING MY MARRIAGE TO BREAK DOWN,,,, THIS IS ALL MY WIFES CHOICE.

    I now accept its over after all that has happened over the past week, after finding out whatís been going on behind my back. Lies, deceit, backstabbing, accusations and all against me.
    I now have to move on and make a new life and make sure my daughter is ok and start to build a new relationship with her and hope that she understands one day Iím not being nasty and Iím not being horrible Iím trying to protect her and be a good dad.
    So is your daughter your concern or...

    Cause I canít tell, it seems youíre more concerned with your marriage than the safety of your child and honestly I think thatís why people are concluding what they are.

    No judgment, youíre human, this is a painful time, but continuing this drama under the guise of being a good parenting is harming your daughter at the end of the day. If you feel sheís in danger move back, but your wife then has to go, you do not need to be under the same roof right now, period!

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