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Thread: Sexless marriage???

  1. #61
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Been following your story.

    It's all so hard, I know. Thing is, the only reason anyone ever feels "strung along," be it in a 30 year marriage or after a weekend fling, is because they allow it. You're allowing it. And that's okay. Just own it. You are allowing it because you're scared, because you still have a shred of hope, because you're confused, because you're hurting. She is not doing this to you, in other words. It is a thing that is happing.

    The unraveling of a marriage is hard stuff, a process, and I think the route you're taking is trying to sip every last puff of exhaust fumes before acknowledging that what you're inhaling is not oxygen. It is an utterly exhausting path, that, as you don't need me to tell you, but it does allow you to move onówhen you make that choice, for realóknowing you left every card on the table.

    When she says she does't want you to leave, that she thought you guys were doing okay, that she will try harder she means all that. It is not a calculated ploy to keep you on the string. And that, you see, is the real problem. What she means, and what she does with that meaning, is so far from offering you even a shred of what you want and need. She's in an emotional purgatory. How she got there, how she'll get outówell, it's not something you have access to. Nice dinners, shopping, moving out, listening, patienceónone of that is going to wake her from it.

    And that, alas, is why you need to wake yourself up. This can go a few more rounds, if you want it to, or you can step out of the ring.
    Step out of the ring? How do I do this though without making things any worse than what they already are. I try to take a stand on things and itís seen as anger when Iím truly not.

  2. #62
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Consult an attorney and a therapist. These are the people you need to get advice from regarding division of property and marital problems affecting your work.
    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    I just want to go now even though I didnít want to loose out on my house. Didnít want to tell my workplace much so just said I had some problems at home.

  3. #63
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Step out of the ring? How do I do this though without making things any worse than what they already are. I try to take a stand on things and itís seen as anger when Iím truly not.
    You step out of the ringómeaning you start taking real steeps to end your marriageóbecause you realize that things can't really get worse the what they already are.

    Are you there? Seems so, to these eyes, but you'll call it when you call it. What you are describing as an up here and a down there, as anger when try to take a stand or what not, just reads to me as "worse" expanding into more worse. Things aren't really "getting worse," but your spirit is suffering because you have yet to let go of the idea that they might get better instead of accepting that they will not.

  4. #64
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    Well I just thought I would update my situation. Iíve moved out due to my wife now asking for a trial separation.

    I have my doubts but Iím worn out with it all. It just seems itís one thing after another.
    She refused to leave after speaking to me in a way it cut me deeply so I had no choice but to go as I couldnít stay with somebody who I still love and always have for so many years but to be spoken to the way I have over the last few days it was rude and hurtful.

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  6. #65
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Moving in and out must be getting exhausting. Where do you stay when she asks you to leave? It seems the trial of staying there again for a few months didn't work out. Her terms were no sex when moving back in a few months ago and under those circumstances it seems untenable for both of you.

    Perhaps now you'll have the time to consult an attorney and a therapist to figure all this out. Did you ever get down to a real reason she asked you to leave the first time and why the marriage is disintegrating?
    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Iíve moved out due to my wife now asking for a trial separation. I have my doubts but Iím worn out with it all. It just seems itís one thing after another.

  7. #66
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    She didnít ask me to leave this time it was my choice. I was living in a house where I wasnít feeling loved, appreciated nor any kind of kindness towards me.
    Iím totally baffled as to why she asked for a trial separation though as her actions and thoughts have shown over the past few months.
    I stay between friends and family although my family are very angry that itís once again me thatís been uprooted and having my world turned upside down.
    Unfortunately no she is still saying she doesnít know.

    I have also noticed today that I have now been blocked from her instagram page which seems a bit strange going on childish. I was blocked from seeing her details on Snapchat some time ago as she said I donít need to know where she is🤷🏻♂️. But have learned today that her and her friend have both blocked me or unfriended me not social media savvy.

  8. #67
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok on the verge of divorce social media should not really concern you. See an attorney before she gets everything.. Don't be asleep at the wheel when a divorce is pending.

  9. #68
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    I have already spoken to a lawyer Iím UK 🇬🇧 based.
    Itís not as simple as her getting everything unless I sign it over which Iím not prepared to do.
    I did ask her to leave but she refused and decided to guilt trip me with our daughter by saying I would be making our daughter homeless which obviously I wouldnít dream off. She also said if I meet someone new in the future she doesnít think our daughter should have to see that because she has no intention of having another man in her life.

    Although she is the one who seems to want this trial separation, I personally think I need to move on as I canít hang in the wind like Iíve been doing for the past months.
    Once again what she is saying and doing is all a bit strange.
    She did say to me that if I meet someone new within her trial separation all be it but for all Iím absolutely and utterly saddened by all this not to mention frustrated the last thing on my mind right now is another women.
    I just feel I now need to sort my future out but the flip side to that coin is she let me leave with it in my head we might get back together. I donít know if she is saying this incase she canít cope on her own and this is her safety net so to speak.
    My family and friends say I need to forget her and start making a life for myself and I know I maybe shouldnít but if I thought there was a chance.........😔
    Last edited by Timeout74; 10-02-2019 at 07:07 PM.

  10. #69
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    Ok this time take your family's advice and get your own place. Camping out with them isn't working, nor is moving in and out of the marital home. She is moving toward divorce. It's a sexless marriage, you're both miserable.
    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    I stay between friends and family although my family are very angry that itís once again me thatís been uprooted and having my world turned upside down.

  11. #70
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    I am now trying to sort out my own place but it turns out not to be so easy.
    Private letting us out the question as itís far to expensive for me, I have seen the local authorities about housing but again itís a waiting game and the fact I still need to see my daughter is a big issue here.

    Currently I canít see my daughter mainly because Iím upset and finding it really hard to deal with and I canít get my head straight. I donít want my daughter to see me like this as it wonít do her any good what so ever.

    Iím really struggling trying to understand how my wife is so calm and care free about all this.
    I was correct about her getting my daughter on side with her though and I did suspect this for a while as I noticed big changes in the time she was spending with her and what she was letting her away with, she was treating her as a friend and not being her parent but that is a whole other story but Iím angry she is trying to turn her against me as I was always the closest to my daughter and spent most time with her.
    I feel Iíve been cast out by both of them but I understand my daughter is still young and I will spend the time I can with her in the hope she knows Iím still here for her if she needs me.

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