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Thread: Sexless marriage???

  1. #51
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    She has a right to mental health medication and be a functioning human being . I think of sex is so very critical get divorced.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    well if that's the case and she specifically told you the dose would be lowered and told you she's began taking the lower dose and isn't doing so, then all you can do is make a mental note of it (that she's not telling you the truth). you cannot force her to lower her dose if she's not ready all you can do is control yourself and ask yourself these things.

    is this who i want to continue to love forever, a liar who can't even tell me the silliest of truths?

    is this enough for me to leave and/or file for divorce?

    is this how someone who is supposed to love me should behave?

    like i've said before, we all have limits and i really think you will eventually hit yours. it may not be now or soon, but eventually you will have enough. people usually don't change unless there is a motivation to and right now you haven't given her any motivation to change because everything is the same right now.

    I have asked myself these questions I have to admit but I always come back to the same two issues that cause the problem of a solution.
    I donít want to loose her but I canít continue the rest of my life in the current situation.
    I do believe I have done my best to give her some motivation though. Things are far from the same they were about 5/6 months ago. I have made a real effort to change things that she wasnít happy about. Iím now a totally different person for this and I actually enjoy doing most of it if Iím being honest.

    I have always been supporting and caring towards her needs and emotions, that has never been a problem. Iím not perfect by a long shot but I would say there is a lot lot worse than me out there.
    I have always made sure Iím there for my wife and that she wants for nothing if I can help.

    This is part of the reason that she agreed to lower her dose till she came off the antidepressants. She has been taking them for a number of years and she agreed she needed them at a point in her life but that point in her life has been and gone for a long time.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    She has a right to mental health medication and be a functioning human being . I think of sex is so very critical get divorced.
    Iím not for a second saying she doesnít but when she tells me she only took them for a certain time in her life that she couldnít cope with which has now passed some years ago then there really is no need (her words not mine).

    If you read my previous posts it wasnít my idea to do this and never entered my mind they could be causing an issue if they actually are.

  4. #54
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Iím not for a second saying she doesnít but when she tells me she only took them for a certain time in her life that she couldnít cope with which has now passed some years ago then there really is no need (her words not mine).

    If you read my previous posts it wasnít my idea to do this and never entered my mind they could be causing an issue if they actually are.
    I do read them . But , yes absolutely 100% they cause sexual dysfunction. My husband has been on them 21 years .

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  6. #55
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I do read them . But , yes absolutely 100% they cause sexual dysfunction. My husband has been on them 21 years .
    It certainly seems so as Iíve been reading up in the effects they have one people.
    Unfortunately the reality is that a large number of people are seeing a massive difference in the sexual dysfunction.

    It may not be the case in my wife but the fact she seems it might be only she can know this and try to work on it.

    Thanks for your input.

  7. #56
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    Well here I am once again in another difficult dilemma.
    Yesterday I made a decision following advice from different parties I.e family, friends and my councillor that I was going to put and end to this and leave.
    The decision was made because after numerous attempts and advice on what I should be trying itís all been a waste of time to me. Iím feeling totally alone, Iím feeling used and totally unloved.
    It seems my wife just canít seem to make any kind of effort and from what Iím seeing and feeling it seemed to be getting worse than better.

    I was invited to stay at one of my parents propertyís after I came clean to my parents what has been going on. Hate that I had to bring my family into this but I felt they should know whatís happening in my life. I will add my wife decided going on 13 years ago now not to speak to my parents ever again due to a silly argument in which all grandparents bring up including her own mother but thatís another story.

    Anyway I sat down with my wife and asked what was up. Again I got the I donít know answer. I explained nothing had gotten any better not even in the minutest part, holding hands, peck on the cheek, a warming cuddle (I didnít mention sex by the way) I feel I canít bring myself to even consider that now and that was partly the reason for this chat.

    I told her that I was going to do what one of us needed to and move out as I couldnít take it anymore. I was totally honest with her in why and what I was feeling but she just sat in silence. I left her for a few minutes and asked if she had anything to say as we have stuff we need to sort out.
    Her reply was, I donít want you to go. I thought we were doing ok and Iíll try harder.

    For the love of,,,,,, I wasnít expecting that not for a second being the way she has been acting the past week, as I mentioned earlier itís been getting worse than better.
    I booked us a nice table for dinner, nice and romantic nice food and nice drinks. That night ended with her telling me she wasnít feeling well and off to bed she popped, ok.
    I took her out a drive in the car and arranged a surprise shopping trip whilst out, bought her some new clothes and shoes. That night ended with her saying she was shattered and off to bed she popped.
    I spoke to her parents as I knew her family was visiting, I asked if we could maybe do something to get us all involved which we did. We all had a very nice day and dinner later that evening. Got home she went out in the car and never arrived home till 12:30 that night. Came into the house and off to bed.

    Now between this and other silly stuff Iím starting to notice I now see myself this is over and Iím fighting a loosing battle but for her to say she doesnít want me to go and she thought we are doing ok, whatís going on here??

  8. #57
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, it's same ol', same ol'. Neither you nor her do not want to leave the marital house so you just go through the motions. "I thought we were doing ok" is relative. Even that means different things to both of you.
    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Yesterday I made a decision following advice from different parties I.e family, friends and my councillor that I was going to put and end to this and leave.
    That night ended with her telling me she wasnít feeling well and off to bed she popped, ok.
    That night ended with her saying she was shattered and off to bed she popped.
    Got home she went out in the car and never arrived home till 12:30 that night. Came into the house and off to bed.

  9. #58
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    She's doing ok, so in her mind you both are ok. In other words, SHE is getting everything she wants so that's all that matters. To her.

    She's not even caring how it all affects you.

  10. #59
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    She's doing ok, so in her mind you both are ok. In other words, SHE is getting everything she wants so that's all that matters. To her.

    She's not even caring how it all affects you.
    It certainly seems this is her thinking but I feel Iím just being strung along for Some reason and the only reason she could be doing this is for financial security.
    The last straw for me was the other night when it was our anniversary and I made it as special as I could, wasnít expecting anything life changing to happen but a little bit of affection would have been appreciated but not even a cheap card did I get.

    I feel I just want to go now even though I didnít want to loose out on my house but itís starting to affect me in so many ways, I got pulled into an office at work a few days ago because it had been noticed that my work and time on jobs had been getting low. Didnít want to tell my workplace much so just said I had some problems at home,,,they were ok about it.

  11. #60
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Been following your story.

    It's all so hard, I know. Thing is, the only reason anyone ever feels "strung along," be it in a 30 year marriage or after a weekend fling, is because they allow it. You're allowing it. And that's okay. Just own it. You are allowing it because you're scared, because you still have a shred of hope, because you're confused, because you're hurting. She is not doing this to you, in other words. It is a thing that is happing.

    The unraveling of a marriage is hard stuff, a process, and I think the route you're taking is trying to sip every last puff of exhaust fumes before acknowledging that what you're inhaling is not oxygen. It is an utterly exhausting path, that, as you don't need me to tell you, but it does allow you to move onówhen you make that choice, for realóknowing you left every card on the table.

    When she says she does't want you to leave, that she thought you guys were doing okay, that she will try harder she means all that. It is not a calculated ploy to keep you on the string. And that, you see, is the real problem. What she means, and what she does with that meaning, is so far from offering you even a shred of what you want and need. She's in an emotional purgatory. How she got there, how she'll get outówell, it's not something you have access to. Nice dinners, shopping, moving out, listening, patienceónone of that is going to wake her from it.

    And that, alas, is why you need to wake yourself up. This can go a few more rounds, if you want it to, or you can step out of the ring.

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