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Thread: Sexless marriage???

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Thanks for sharing this with me.
    I have no desire to continue without sex as I would be living a lie and I donít want this.

    I keep sitting looking at her or when talking to her Iím constantly thinking how much I love her and hope I donít loose her.
    there's no way i could continue a marriage without sex. as a woman, i want to be desired and feel like my husband is insanely attracted to me. maybe that's just me but i HAVE to feel like i'm meeting his appetite and am the apple of his eye. otherwise, i would have a hard time wanting to have sex with him because i wouldn't feel like he's interested so i'd lose interest and eventually want to end it and find a man who can meet my needs and appreciate having a woman who enjoys sex.

    i completely get how you feel. i was doing the same zoned out moments when we had interaction, thinking i didn't want to lose him. again, i had enough of the rejection (ignoring me, making plans with his friends and not me, saying he wants "space", saying he's "confused").

    it got to the point where i was like "fine, you're confused. you want space. DONE!" obviously i didn't say that to him, but i left. i'm away from that torture and taking care of myself. if my marriage is going to end, i'm not going to be a weak loser about it. he's going to see me strong and fine with moving on with my life.

    i know it will take time.....but you will get there my friend.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    I have been told if it does come to this that yes I will have to get in touch with my lawyer.

    Thanks.
    If you are both on the mortgage/deed, and there is no domestic violence in which one of you is removed by law enforcement, neither of you have to leave the house.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Over 50% of 'no sex" is due to the men's health issues and marital conflict. That includes mental health, drinking, ED, bad sex, etc. You keep pressuring her for sex and so you can stay in the house, but what have you done to improve things?
    Sorry I do not pressure her at all, not in any way. It was discussed due to the fact it hasnít been happening.
    There is no need for me to pressure her to stay in the house either as I ainít going anywhere, in my eyes and this may sound selfish but I havenít that I know of done anything to cause this and my wife freely admits this. Itís her that isnít interested.
    I have taken advice regarding my house and Iím perfectly entitled to stand my ground if it comes to that but I most definitely donít want this to turn into a cat and dog fight where things get ugly.

    I also feel I have done and tried everything I can to improve things as I said before my wife has a easy going life where looking after the house and family is concerned as I do it all, EVERYTHING.

    I have tried taking her out for nice meals, Iíve tried doing night out at the cinema, going for walks with the dog and anything else I can think of that might help bond us back together but nothing seems to be working.
    As I also mentioned before my wife has said she will try fading out her antidepressants and see if it makes her feel like she wants to be more intimate but she said if she doesnít feel anything more by Christmas time then we need to talk again so both of us can move on.
    Iím absolutely dreading this day when it comes because if she doesnít feel any different then Iím terrified that this is the end for us and itís going to destroy me if this is the outcome.

  4. #44
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    If you decide it's going to destroy you it will.

    If you decide instead to tell yourself "I don't want a divorce. But if <wife> decides she wants one I will power through. I am a good person who deserves to think highly of himself. If she doesn't agree then I will move forward.", then you won't be "destroyed".

    I'm not trying to say you'll be absolutely fine, skipping forward through a field of daisies singing "Everything is Awesome!!" But you can utilize your strength to get through this.

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  6. #45
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    Hi folks,
    As I mentioned about me and my wifeís discussion we had in the 31st of last month she told me she went to the doctors on the Monday and had a chat with her gp. She informed me that the gp had lowered her dose as requested on the Monday.
    I asked when do you start and she said today (Monday) ok I thought thatís great.

    I have found that my wife hasnít infact lowered her dose and she has still been taking the same dose from before. I questioned her how she was feeling with the lower dose just to see what she would say and she said she was feeling fine.

    Iím being lied to, now I wasnít snooping and I havenít been checking up on her I only found this out as we keep out meds in the same tin box and I have noticed there is no lower dose of her drug in said box and her usual dose is going down every day, table by tablet.


    Now I havenít mentioned this before but this isnít the first time Iíve been lied to as she got us into a mess with debt telling me things were getting paid then I found out they hadnít. I had to make arrangements with the companyís to help clear and catch up with them and Iím still working my ass off doing so.

    Iím not sure what to do here, do I become more watchful of this but I donít think snooping is the best idea. I donít feel I should confront her as surely the fact that she mentioned the reduction in meds she would have stuck to it. Itís just the whole story about going to the doctor and telling me she was on a lower dose for over a week now thatís not sitting right.

  7. #46
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    It sounds like she would rather be happy than have sex with you. She omitted telling you because you are trying to micromanage her and "fix" her so she'll have sex with you. Even if she went on lower, different or no medication, there is so much marital conflict she wouldn't want sex anyway. She's not "lying" she's setting boundaries and not allowing you to control her. Frankly what goes on in her doctor's office is none of your business. Stop asking. Stop being so parental and controlling. What a turn off. Stop focusing on her like a car you have to fix so it runs for you.
    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    my wife has said she will try fading out her antidepressants and see if it makes her feel like she wants to be more intimate but she said if she doesnít feel anything more by Christmas time then we need to talk again so both of us can move on.

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Hi folks,
    She informed me that the gp had lowered her dose as requested on the Monday.

    I have found that my wife hasnít infact lowered her dose and she has still been taking the same dose from before. I questioned her how she was feeling with the lower dose just to see what she would say and she said she was feeling fine.
    your wife's meds may or may not be the same as mine but i will tell you how i got off my antidepressants just so you know how it worked for me (if that even helps).

    when i visited my doctor wanting to get off my meds, he instructed me that the dosage would remain the same. the only difference would be to slowly come off of them. so instead of taking a pill every day, i'd start with taking one every other day for 2wks, then every 3 days for 2wks, and so on and so forth until i was down to one pill a week, then one pill every 2wks to eventually no pill.

    he said coming off antidepressant meds can be dangerous so to do it very slowly. but my dose did not change.

    not saying this is the same situation for your wife but it's how it worked for me.

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds like she would rather be happy than have sex with you. She omitted telling you because you are trying to micromanage her and "fix" her so she'll have sex with you. Even if she went on lower, different or no medication, there is so much marital conflict she wouldn't want sex anyway. She's not "lying" she's setting boundaries and not allowing you to control her. Frankly what goes on in her doctor's office is none of your business. Stop asking. Stop being so parental and controlling. What a turn off. Stop focusing on her like a car you have to fix so it runs for you.
    Iím sorry but you are either not reading what Iím typing properly or your not understanding. I had faced the fact that one of us had to go and it was my wifeís idea to go with the lowering the meds and see how she felt.
    I am in no way trying to control her here Iím past anything like that and Frankly never really did in the first place. Your coming across very aggressively with the whatever happens in the doctors office and stop asking and being controlling this is not whatís going on here.

    I understand you donít know me but you are certainly way off on what you think is happening in my situation.

  10. #49
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    your wife's meds may or may not be the same as mine but i will tell you how i got off my antidepressants just so you know how it worked for me (if that even helps).

    when i visited my doctor wanting to get off my meds, he instructed me that the dosage would remain the same. the only difference would be to slowly come off of them. so instead of taking a pill every day, i'd start with taking one every other day for 2wks, then every 3 days for 2wks, and so on and so forth until i was down to one pill a week, then one pill every 2wks to eventually no pill.

    he said coming off antidepressant meds can be dangerous so to do it very slowly. but my dose did not change.

    not saying this is the same situation for your wife but it's how it worked for me.
    This is the problem, why tell me what her doctor instructed when itís not whatís actually going on. She must know surly that I can see her meds going down each day.
    She told me she was given a lower dose from the pharmacy on the Monday yet she is still obviously taking the higher dose.

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    This is the problem, why tell me what her doctor instructed when itís not whatís actually going on. She must know surly that I can see her meds going down each day.
    She told me she was given a lower dose from the pharmacy on the Monday yet she is still obviously taking the higher dose.
    well if that's the case and she specifically told you the dose would be lowered and told you she's began taking the lower dose and isn't doing so, then all you can do is make a mental note of it (that she's not telling you the truth). you cannot force her to lower her dose if she's not ready all you can do is control yourself and ask yourself these things.

    is this who i want to continue to love forever, a liar who can't even tell me the silliest of truths?

    is this enough for me to leave and/or file for divorce?

    is this how someone who is supposed to love me should behave?

    like i've said before, we all have limits and i really think you will eventually hit yours. it may not be now or soon, but eventually you will have enough. people usually don't change unless there is a motivation to and right now you haven't given her any motivation to change because everything is the same right now.

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