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Thread: Sexless marriage???

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    I know this may sound wrong and you never know I might change my mind but itís been going on for so long I just canít see it happening.

    If it does come down to my wife never wanting sex again but Iím thinking this is purely me she doesnít want sex with then I would have to discuss calling it a day. I would never do the open marriage option. Sorry but I just find that so wrong.


    This boils down to a discussion me and my wife had about who gets to stay in the house as neither of us are willing to leave. The person I spoke to suggested that perhaps this is my wifeís way of trying to push me out as she may not have any intention of trying to make things work.
    I don't think it sounds wrong at all! Men AND women NEED sex (majority anyway) to connect to their partners. I personally, would not blame you if this was the reasoning for the demise of your marriage AND i know many others would agree. She is not meeting your needs and that doesn't just go for sex but your emotional needs as well.

    There is only so much someone can take before they've had enough! It sounds like you are getting to that point, I know I have. I left my husband recently (staying with a friend) because I cannot live like that anymore. I didn't want it to be this way but he left me no choice. If he hasn't filed after the length we need to be separated (per the laws where we live) I WILL file. I have a lot of love to give and I do think i'm a catch. This is how you need to start thinking, once you get to the "enough is enough" point like I have. It's taken me about 3-4wks to get to this point and I do feel so much better being away from him. I feel strong again and like I will be ok.

    If it helps, my husband didn't want to leave the home either and as inconvenient as it is I left because at the end of the day my dignity and sanity is more important. I can't say if this is her way of pushing you away (no one can read her mind, not even the counselor) BUT irregardless it IS pushing you away and that's what you have to hold on to.

    Every time I get sad, I think about all the neglect he's put me through and the hurtful things he's said. It keeps me away and strong. You will get to that point too. I know it doesn't seem like it but you will. My husband never had complaints about the bedroom, in fact he said I was the most adventurous woman and he never wanted to stop having sex with me. Well now another man will enjoy that side of me, his loss and your wifes too! Sex can be a wonderful experience and so fulfilling, she's missing out if you ask me.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You need an attorney to advise you.
    I have been told if it does come to this that yes I will have to get in touch with my lawyer.

    Thanks.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    I don't think it sounds wrong at all! Men AND women NEED sex (majority anyway) to connect to their partners. I personally, would not blame you if this was the reasoning for the demise of your marriage AND i know many others would agree. She is not meeting your needs and that doesn't just go for sex but your emotional needs as well.

    There is only so much someone can take before they've had enough! It sounds like you are getting to that point, I know I have. I left my husband recently (staying with a friend) because I cannot live like that anymore. I didn't want it to be this way but he left me no choice. If he hasn't filed after the length we need to be separated (per the laws where we live) I WILL file. I have a lot of love to give and I do think i'm a catch. This is how you need to start thinking, once you get to the "enough is enough" point like I have. It's taken me about 3-4wks to get to this point and I do feel so much better being away from him. I feel strong again and like I will be ok.

    If it helps, my husband didn't want to leave the home either and as inconvenient as it is I left because at the end of the day my dignity and sanity is more important. I can't say if this is her way of pushing you away (no one can read her mind, not even the counselor) BUT irregardless it IS pushing you away and that's what you have to hold on to.

    Every time I get sad, I think about all the neglect he's put me through and the hurtful things he's said. It keeps me away and strong. You will get to that point too. I know it doesn't seem like it but you will. My husband never had complaints about the bedroom, in fact he said I was the most adventurous woman and he never wanted to stop having sex with me. Well now another man will enjoy that side of me, his loss and your wifes too! Sex can be a wonderful experience and so fulfilling, she's missing out if you ask me.

    Thanks it means a lot you. You seem to be perhaps riding in the same boat as me as far as spouses go.
    I am finding it difficult to keep my spirit up and hope for the best. I still donít want this to happen but deep down I think I know itís going to.
    Unfortunately my wife seems to be either playing a game with me or is seriously messing with my head and my feelings towards her as I know she understands how much I do love her but Iím beginning to think this is my weakness in all this and she knows what nerve to pull at to get any kind of reaction out of me.

    I only wish she would come out and tell me the truth on whatís going on so I know where I stand but I do understand that if she is playing a game she wonít do this also.

  4. #34
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    i know how you're feeling, i don't want my marriage to end either. at the same time though, if it ends i know it won't be due to my choice or not wanting to work it out. things are not improving in my home, if anything they were getting worse and i felt rejected every day. i don't deserve to live like that so i created my own separation by leaving. hurts like h*ll but i have no other choice. he wouldn't leave and i needed to do something for me.

    it will take time but when you are ready, you will want to do something for you as well. rejection can only last so long before it starts to make you angry and get out of there.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    i know how you're feeling, i don't want my marriage to end either. at the same time though, if it ends i know it won't be due to my choice or not wanting to work it out. things are not improving in my home, if anything they were getting worse and i felt rejected every day. i don't deserve to live like that so i created my own separation by leaving. hurts like h*ll but i have no other choice. he wouldn't leave and i needed to do something for me.

    it will take time but when you are ready, you will want to do something for you as well. rejection can only last so long before it starts to make you angry and get out of there.
    Yes itís certainly tough. Usually I can get my head round things and move on but all this is just knocking me for six because I know whatever Iím doing isnít working and my wife is putting in zero effort.

    I have came to the decision that this will all end after Christmas so Iím just going to enjoy my time with my wife the best I can and she will allow till then. Iím hoping when it ends I will have the feeling in my heart that I done my best and towards the end it was a happy time at the end of it all.
    This may counteract on me though as it may hurt more when I need to let go but Iím hoping if this is the case once Iím healed and sorted I can look back and know I left with good spirit in my heart.

    Thanks again for sharing your situation and helping with mine.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    As my title says,,,sexless marriages
    Do they work?
    Only if both partners are ok with it. That's rarely the case.

    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Is anybody in one, if so how does this work for you?

    Is there absolutely zero sexual activity in your marriage?
    I was. The longest we went without sex was 9 months. I finally had enough and told her she had a week to change or I was going to leave. She changed, for about 5 weeks then reverted back to her old habits. I left (not the only reason I left, but a hugely contributing factor). She begged and pleaded and cried and said she would change. The thing is, we'd been through this song and dance a number of times in our relationship. It was probably the best decision I've ever made. I haven't seen her in a couple of years. Friends have told me she's miserable. I get no pleasure from this, but not my problem anymore.
    Last edited by AviationNut; 09-05-2019 at 07:28 PM. Reason: grammar

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by AviationNut
    Only if both partners are ok with it. That's rarely the case.



    I was. The longest we went without sex was 9 months. I finally had enough and told her she had a week to change or I was going to leave. She changed, for about 5 weeks then reverted back to her old habits. I left (not the only reason I left, but a hugely contributing factor). She begged and pleaded and cried and said she would change. The thing is, we'd been through this song and dance a number of times in our relationship. It was probably the best decision I've ever made. I haven't seen her in a couple of years. Friends have told me she's miserable. I get no pleasure from this, but not my problem anymore.
    Thanks for sharing this with me.
    I have no desire to continue without sex as I would be living a lie and I donít want this. Iím truly hoping that she will change her ways and the medication is the issue. I would even be happy if once Christmas comes and my wife feels that the reduced dosage or even the fact she had quite the medication that she felt more sexual. I could possibly wait and see if things turn around because I truly donít want to loose her.

    I keep sitting looking at her or when talking to her Iím constantly thinking how much I love her and hope I donít loose her. I just know though if things donít change I canít be around her as it will hurt me to much seeing her. I know she wonít cry for me, she might miss me but she certainly wonít beg or plead with me in the state of mind she is in at the moment.
    I would also find no pleasure in finding out she was miserable due to this, that would make me feel destroyed. I just hope I have the strength to hold my ground if this was the case because I have also came to the conclusion that if we do go our separate ways I am determined to find somebody knew that I can be happy with and spend the rest of my days with when the time comes as Iím definitely not wanting to live the rest of my life alone.
    I donít want to be alone and have no desire to be. Iím now worried that if this does happen that it might be a bit late to try find somebody new to spend the rest of my days with.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Thanks for sharing this with me.
    I have no desire to continue without sex as I would be living a lie and I donít want this. Iím truly hoping that she will change her ways and the medication is the issue. I would even be happy if once Christmas comes and my wife feels that the reduced dosage or even the fact she had quite the medication that she felt more sexual. I could possibly wait and see if things turn around because I truly donít want to loose her.
    .
    I believe it was covered earlier that the reduction or removal of the antidepressant should have some impact. Many of us validated that for you.
    Are you not willing to wait and see because you are still weighing whether or not to end this.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I believe it was covered earlier that the reduction or removal of the antidepressant should have some impact. Many of us validated that for you.
    Are you not willing to wait and see because you are still weighing whether or not to end this.
    Yes 100% Iím willing to wait and see. I did mention this above, I have been doing my own research on this and also seemed some advice from my own gp on how long they take to be removed from the system. Although she couldnít get into to much detail my go said you should start to feel that they are coming out your system so that may be an indicator as to how my wife is then feeling about the whole situation.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Over 50% of 'no sex" is due to the men's health issues and marital conflict. That includes mental health, drinking, ED, bad sex, etc. You keep pressuring her for sex and so you can stay in the house, but what have you done to improve things?

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