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Thread: Sexless marriage???

  1. #21
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I am sure there are some that work... Valentino Garevani and his partner come to mind as an example... I believe they have an open relationship though so they get their needs met elsewhere....

    Personally Iíve had relationships where I had no desire for sex but it was always rooted in something deeper as reinvent says. Never just about the sex... I actually have a high sex drive but if I am not feeling safe, supported or loved my desire vanishes like a wisp of smoke.

    In my current relationship (me 47, him 42) our sex drives are very compatible and we have sex one or more times a day.

    Sex for women depends totally on how emotionally connected they feel with you...if they donít feel it they typically wonít want to connect physically.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's so simple. She's still pissed at you. Period.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Would you find the other issues more tolerable if she were still having sex with you?
    In all honesty I donít have any other issues with her I always try not to point blame admittedly I have in the past but I decided a while ago life is to short. I find I desire sex because we all know itís good for you it does a lot for body and mind but it also makes you feel loved. Well thatís kinda how I see it.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    In all honesty I donít have any other issues with her I always try not to point blame admittedly I have in the past but I decided a while ago life is to short. I find I desire sex because we all know itís good for you it does a lot for body and mind but it also makes you feel loved. Well thatís kinda how I see it.
    So when you wrote this, you don't view it as an "issue"?
    "Iíll be honest. She has no interest in hearing about my feeling and she has made this clear in the past. I donít mean this of her in a bad way she just said thatís not the kind of people we are.
    I have arranged stuff to do, run away in the car for a while as we used to love something so simple but she just found it boring. The other night we went out to the movies and ended up leaving 30 minutes into the film because she got angry over nothing to which I got the blame of. "


    And her hiding of her phone and blocking you from seeing her location on her phone?

    I'm not trying to pile on, but you're kind of all over the place. Your previous thread talked about sex being a central issue but now you're saying it's not.

    Do you just want to stay married to her no matter how bad it gets?

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So when you wrote this, you don't view it as an "issue"?
    "Iíll be honest. She has no interest in hearing about my feeling and she has made this clear in the past. I donít mean this of her in a bad way she just said thatís not the kind of people we are.
    I have arranged stuff to do, run away in the car for a while as we used to love something so simple but she just found it boring. The other night we went out to the movies and ended up leaving 30 minutes into the film because she got angry over nothing to which I got the blame of. "


    And her hiding of her phone and blocking you from seeing her location on her phone?

    I'm not trying to pile on, but you're kind of all over the place. Your previous thread talked about sex being a central issue but now you're saying it's not.

    Do you just want to stay married to her no matter how bad it gets?
    I admit Iím all over the place my head is a mess, Iíve not slept or eaten in days and Iím still having to run a normal life so yeah. I am contradicting myself a fair bit as Iím at my wits end.

    Iím just going to stop posting for a bit till I see whatís happening.
    But you are correct in pointing out there is other things Iím unhappy with.

    Thanks.

  7. #26
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    Hi all well we had a rather long chat and as I suspected my wife says she wants a sexless marriage.
    I would like to say I was taken a back but I kinda knew this was going to be the outcome.

    We talked through a lot and my wife is adamant that she doesnít want any kind of intimacy with me, Iíve not to cuddle or kiss her. She just keeps saying she doesnít know why and she wonít go for any kind of therapy as she said she doesnít believe that talking helps and again she is concrete on this.

    The only outcome we could agree on is that she slowly stops taking her antidepressants that sheís on as she feels she no longer needs these and from what I have read they can affect your sex drive and desire to have intimacy especially the one she is on (and yes we both understand this has to be done correctly).

    In order to come to a compromise because as I said I donít want to loose my wife we have decided we will try this and see if she feels any different by Christmas time. If not then she feels we should call it a day because she understands my needs for intimacy. She also said she does love me and likes spending time with me but she just canít have any kind of intimacy with me, it was also mentioned that if I wanted to sleep with someone else she wouldnít mind but I would never in a million years do this.

    Well I feel Iím giving it a chance the only way I can.
    Just need to try and cope with my urges as I do find my wife highly attractive and always have and I told her this so itís going to be hard to be seeing her when I have the urges and desires but I canít do anything about it.

    Does anybody have any advice on dealing with the urges because I wonít deny it I do get very frustrated and this leads me to be in a bit of a sulk but I canít help this and never have been able to.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74

    The only outcome we could agree on is that she slowly stops taking her antidepressants that sheís on as she feels she no longer needs these and from what I have read they can affect your sex drive and desire to have intimacy especially the one she is on (and yes we both understand this has to be done correctly).
    Timeout74, I have been on antidepressants before and i can 100% tell you that they severely impact your sex drive. Mine was non-existent for a few years! Once i slowly stopped taking them, it still didn't return right away. I'd say it took about a year and half after not taking them before my sex drive returned. I think about it now and I can't believe i survived without sex for so long!! Those pills really mess with you, so it doesn't surprise me. They also made me very irritable and annoyed, which also took a year and a half to wear off.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    n order to come to a compromise because as I said I donít want to loose my wife we have decided we will try this and see if she feels any different by Christmas time. If not then she feels we should call it a day because she understands my needs for intimacy. She also said she does love me and likes spending time with me but she just canít have any kind of intimacy with me, it was also mentioned that if I wanted to sleep with someone else she wouldnít mind but I would never in a million years do this.

    Well I feel Iím giving it a chance the only way I can.
    Just need to try and cope with my urges as I do find my wife highly attractive and always have and I told her this so itís going to be hard to be seeing her when I have the urges and desires but I canít do anything about it.

    Does anybody have any advice on dealing with the urges because I wonít deny it I do get very frustrated and this leads me to be in a bit of a sulk but I canít help this and never have been able to.
    OP there are people that go without sex and lead perfectly healthy lives. Your wife has been very firm, she doesn't want to change it, so if you are determined to stay with her, then you need to accept that she doesn't want physical intimacy with you. If you really want things to work, you need to learn to channel your energy in a different direction... spend some time researching how to manage your urges vs. how to convince your wife to change her mind.

    Alternatively, you can take her up on her offer to have an open marriage. They do exist, and can work in certain circumstances, with good communication and boundaries.

  10. #29
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    Purdy I do wish I could wait that long but in all honesty I canít. I know this may sound wrong and you never know I might change my mind but itís been going on for so long I just canít see it happening. I am a bit concerned it took for me to look into this and point it out as Iím thinking if I was feeling the way my wife was I would have certainly questioned it if I was feeling this way.

    If it does come down to my wife never wanting sex again but Iím thinking this is purely me she doesnít want sex with then I would have to discuss calling it a day. I would never do the open marriage option. Sorry but I just find that so wrong.

    I did seek some counselling yesterday and she put a different spin on this when I talked her through as much as I could.
    This boils down to a discussion me and my wife had about who gets to stay in the house as neither of us are willing to leave. The person I spoke to suggested that perhaps this is my wifeís way of trying to push me out as she may not have any intention of trying to make things work. She mentioned this does happen. I canít remember her wording word for word but basically she has used the main tool that will force me to end things, SEX.

    I had never even gave this a thought but the more I think about this the more it does add up to me.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need an attorney to advise you.
    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    This boils down to a discussion me and my wife had about who gets to stay in the house as neither of us are willing to leave.

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