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Thread: Sexless marriage???

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would not say attraction wanes because you are older . I find my husband just as attractive and he tells me I am beautiful daily. We ARE attracted to each other. Just have no libido. I went through menopause a lot earlier than some, totally done by 47. I have severe reproductive system issues and lost 4 babies which contributes to me not feeling ď sexualĒ and plus being raped by 3 people by the age of 19 doesnít contribute to ď sexy ď feeling.

    My husband absolutely NEEDS SSRIís to function or he is passed out from anxiety.

    But we have a great passionate love for each other .

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You can speculate about age related difficulties such as menopause, ED etc however most lack of intimacy issues in marriages are caused by marital conflict which you have stated in other threads there is a boatload of. Talk to your therapist.

    Your wife is not giving you the cold shoulder because she's feeling loved or understood or romanced. And you know this very well. In fact you just decided that announcing that you were withdrawing further and giving her "space" (punishment for no sex) was a great idea.

    You're both in the marriage unilaterally and completely camped in your respective corners devising ways to punish each other. What a mess.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    From your previous post: My wife has always been funny about sex but it was in a way that I could live with

    You've "settled" during your entire married life. A difference in libido, or being sexually incompatible, should be a dealbreaker for anyone who wants a satisfying partnership. When you expect someone to change to be happy, it's unfair to the other person. They are who they are.

    Many people marry too young before having enough lifetime experience to make a wise decision. She belongs with someone who matches her sexually, and you belong with someone who matches you in that area.

    She doesn't care enough about you to see if counseling would help your relationship, or to see if there is something medically going on with her body, like hormones being unbalanced.

    Your love for her hasn't changed the situation. Since you two don't possess the skills to improve things on your own, if you don't want your entire life to be one of "settling," you should probably end things and give yourself a second chance at finding a woman who meets ALL of your main needs, after a substantial amount of time being single to heal and move on. When you get time and distance away from a relationship that should've never been, you will shake your head at why you stayed too long.

  4. #14
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    I am in a sexless relationship. We have been together 3 years and live together. We were not always sexless... before we were "officially" together, we had sex multiple times a day for months. It stopped altogether when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I continued to try to initiate, but he just is no longer interested. It makes me feel awful about myself and the relationship will not continue forever. I know that there are people out there that it can work for, but I'm 23, unmarried, and a very sexual person. I think what is attractive about our relationship is that it basically functions like best friends who are also roommates. We do everything together. He is extremely attached to my family. When we do have sex, which is maybe once about every 2 months, it is AWESOME -- which is why I hate that he never wants to do it. I've wrestled with myself for a while about how sex functions in a relationship, I've even cheated to get my needs met, and I think that later in my life I could see myself being happy in this sort of arrangement; but for now, this ain't it sis. ;)

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's usually what it's all about.
    Originally Posted by pinkyankovic
    I've even cheated to get my needs met

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pinkyankovic
    I am in a sexless relationship. We have been together 3 years and live together. We were not always sexless... before we were "officially" together, we had sex multiple times a day for months. It stopped altogether when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I continued to try to initiate, but he just is no longer interested. It makes me feel awful about myself and the relationship will not continue forever. I know that there are people out there that it can work for, but I'm 23, unmarried, and a very sexual person. I think what is attractive about our relationship is that it basically functions like best friends who are also roommates. We do everything together. He is extremely attached to my family. When we do have sex, which is maybe once about every 2 months, it is AWESOME -- which is why I hate that he never wants to do it. I've wrestled with myself for a while about how sex functions in a relationship, I've even cheated to get my needs met, and I think that later in my life I could see myself being happy in this sort of arrangement; but for now, this ain't it sis. ;)
    If you need to cheat break up.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You didn't get enough advise in your previous thread with 52 responses?

    Take sex off the table. Can't put it any more simple than that. Take sex off the table and start working on your relationship from the ground up.

    Not the other way around. You'll just end up exactly where you are at now. . asking how to get sex out of an already unhappy wife in a disconnected marriage.

    Do marriages survive without sex? Only if you want it too.

    Either that or you are looking for permission to leave or get it elsewhere. You don't need permission from a bunch of virtual strangers.

    Do whatcha gotta do.

  9. #18
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    Thanks folks for the input.
    I wasnít saying I wanted this by any means it was just to see if they work.
    Nothing is set in stone as such and we are going to have a chat tomorrow about the whole thing. All I was doing was looking for advice so I know how to approach things.

    Yes I decided to give space not to make matters worse but to try and help.
    I know know body knows me on a personal level here and canít really see the full picture but believe me I have tried because after 24 years with my wife I donít want this to go south.

    Itís getting to me in a big way that I canít get through to her no matter what I do or try and this isnít purely based around sex itís based around her attitude and distance towards me for a reason I donít know but would like too.

    Anyway again thanks for the advice and the time you took to comment it truly does mean a lot, good or bad as I do need to hear some things I donít want to because it puts other issues into the picture I may not have thought would have.

    Hopefully tomorrow I will have an idea of whatís going on.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I think it's telling that you post in a sex folder and you start your plight in each one by telling us you aren't having sex.
    But when advise is given you do a 180 and insist it isn't about the sex.

    You sex life or lack there of is typically a barometer that you can measure the health of your relationship by.
    No sex is a symptom of something larger. You can't keep going after the symptom. You have to get to the root of problem.

  11. #20
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    Would you find the other issues more tolerable if she were still having sex with you?

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