Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Therapist disagreement. Was I In the Wrong ?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    29

    Therapist disagreement. Was I In the Wrong ?

    Just need some clarity on if I was in the wrong? I'm also venting in this post. Just trying to paint a clear picture on the type of relationship I had with my former therapist. So please bare with me.

    I suffer from mental illnesses that I've always seen a therapist for to help me cope and also to have someone to talk to when times get rough. I was going to the same therapist who I've been going to for about 7 years. My therapist has always been a great and understanding person. I do feel at times he was a bit unorganized, but he would let me slide with missing sessions and also let me pay him later for sessions when I didn't have the money which I was always grateful for and would always pay him back.He even helped me fix a tire once and I thanked him for that time too. I also felt our relationship was different compared to most therapists. My entire family has given him business for years and he became sort of like a family friend to us all. There was even a time my parents gave him tickets to an event we attend each year. It was odd to see him there and I did feel uncomfortable at times , seeing my therapist outside of sessions, but I just let it be.

    He once mentioned how someone who worked at my job was seeing him and the person was concerned they were going to fired and he remembered how I once had those concerns too. I immediately knew who he was talking about, because I work at a small business and It was kind of awkward and I felt that it's something he shouldn't have mentioned. I just let it slide, because again I really saw him as a really good friend.

    He even offered me little side jobs to work with him, but I quit. He sales stuff on eBay and amazon and apparently he was banned from selling on there because of damaged goods that he says wasn't his fault, but usps. He offered his employees and to open up our own account and bank account and sale on our own, but somehow transfer the money to him...it was confusing so I declined to do it. But in sessions he would make me feel guilty for not wanting to do it, saying it was easy money and I didn't trust him.

    Most recently, we had a dispute. For the last two months, I hadn't been able to see him because of mismanagement with his schedule. I would show up to my sessions to find out they accidentally had two people scheduled for the same time. I was completely understanding and rescheduled.One time he was unaware I was scheduled for a session and I offered to leave and reschedule , but he said it was fine and still saw me.

    The next time I went, his prior session ran longer than he expected so I said I would leave and come back. I did that and when I got back in, they were telling another person the same thing. The person was about to leave but saw my therapist at the counter and began talking to him and he said he could chat with her for a few minutes and for her to come meet him in his office. I was a bit frustrated at that point because I had waited an hour and only for him to see someone else. Even though it was a "few minutes" , I felt kind of disrespected for that. I just told his receptionist (who happens to be his daughter ) that I was going to just call and reschedule at a later time. The following weeks, I felt as though I was met with the same thing. I was always scheduled with someone else. There was always mismanagement with scheduling . The last time it happened, I just expressed my concerns. I didn't want to seem mean or obnoxious, but I was frustrated at that point. I hadn't seen him in a little over a month and each time, I felt the scheduling issues was the same. I just told his daughter. I'm sorry, but this has happened multiple times and I don't understand why it's happening. It's an inconvenience for me and there should be a better system in store and his daughter was like I'm sorry about that and he came out and was like "how many times have you done this to me?" (meaning times I had to cancel and reschedule ) and I said I understand that and that was done in the past, but I feel as a businesses, this is unprofessional and shouldn't be happening .He offered to still see me, but after us going back and forth, I didn't want to see him, knowing how we were both frustrated with each other, it would've just been some hostility between us during the session. I just wanted to cool off, so I just said no and picked up my stuff and left. I uttered "this is effing ridiculous " under my breath. not sure if they heard or not.

    Some weeks passed by and I called to schedule an appointment. His daughter answered again and was like "oh I thought you said you wasn't coming back,"
    I never said that , but wanted to schedule . She called back and left a message saying "he was busy and couldn't see me today." I didn't ask for an appointment that day , so I shrugged it off and decided to text him and apologize and explained how I was trying to express my feelings. I had decided to see a new therapist , but still wanted to keep the peace between us because again I always saw him as like a family friend. And also felt some kind of loyalty to him because I've seen him for years and he knows everything about me and has helped me through some difficult times. I planned to attest still keep in touch and maybe see him every now and then just to update him on my life. I had recently accomplished something he had been telling me to do and wanted to let him know I was listening to his advice.

    He messaged me back saying how relationships are reciprocal and brought up how he's helped me in the past and how he only got in return was me saying it was an inconvience and that he didn't want to continue working with me anymore and "good luck."

    I felt as though he disregarded the multiple times I was completely fine with the mismanaged schedule and didn't see my side . Although , I did find someone new, I still felt a sense of sadness knowing how things ended the way it did.
    Since I deal with extreme anxiety I have obsessive thought and I keep replaying this whole thing over again in my head. I'm trying my best to be a better person, and I just want to do the right thing. I feel like I'm a horrible person and hurt someone who's helped though hard times and that wasn't my intention. I just need some help. Please help me. I just want to be a better person.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,067
    What does your new therapist say about this unprofessional and inappropriately close relationship you had with your previous therapist?

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,822
    Gender
    Female
    It was time to find a new therapist. Therapists shouldn’t be family friends etc etc.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,378
    Gender
    Female
    I would switch therapists and be confident in your choice to switch. End the drama and the overthinking about what your old therapist did or what he said. It's not going to help you and I think you are letting your anxious thoughts get the better of you. You know deep down how disorganized they were. Leave it at that.

    I'd also keep your view of therapists intact and work just as diligently to manage that anxiety/obsessive thought pattern of yours. Shift the focus from obsessively thinking about how your therapist behaved or how you behaved towards that person and start thinking about your actual healing and development.

    Remember that therapy is about you. You run the show. Love you, do you.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    29
    I haven't spoken to the new therapist about it yet. But I plan on bringing it up when I go soon.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    29
    thank you so much. I'm really trying to better myself. I've put my mental health on the back burner for so long and I just want to what's best for me.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,623
    Gender
    Female
    OMG I think your therapist is extremely inappropriate and unprofessional!!! The way he handles his schedule is the least of his bad behaviours! I work as a mental health and disability support worker and I know that working in this kind of industry requires utmost professionalism and boundaries, as you are working with vulnerable people. Your therapist has crossed so many boundaries! A therapist is not allowed to be friends with clients unless the client has permanently left their service. And even then it's frowned upon. I can contact my old clients from previous jobs but I never have and never will (most likely) because I want to be professional.

    The things your therapist was doing while you are STILL a client were completely wrong! He is not allowed to be friends with you and your family and go to the same events as you when he got the tickets as a gift. He is definitely not allowed to offer you jobs working for him because then he's your boss and it's a relationship outside of your professional relationship! And most of all he is so dodgy trying to run his eBay business through you when he clearly did something wrong to get banned from eBay in the first place! He is so shady and dodgy. I don't understand how you couldn't see this before!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,623
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I would switch therapists and be confident in your choice to switch. End the drama and the overthinking about what your old therapist did or what he said. It's not going to help you and I think you are letting your anxious thoughts get the better of you. You know deep down how disorganized they were. Leave it at that.

    I'd also keep your view of therapists intact and work just as diligently to manage that anxiety/obsessive thought pattern of yours. Shift the focus from obsessively thinking about how your therapist behaved or how you behaved towards that person and start thinking about your actual healing and development.

    Remember that therapy is about you. You run the show. Love you, do you.
    But the therapist behaved very inappropriately many times so it's not surprising actually that now she's actually analysing what he did. Coz yeah what he did is pretty bad in my opinion! Can't believe it took so long to realise it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,378
    Gender
    Female
    Is there something specific you're quoting my post for or are you upset in general about malpractice in the workplace?

    She switched therapists or is about to switch therapists. I think that's commendable and says enough about how she views moving forward. She's expressed she has mental health issues surrounding extreme anxiety. I'm not sure it's a healthy choice for her to be dwelling on the past. She should be acknowledging it and putting it in perspective and keeping her views balanced and intact regarding the use of therapy for herself in the long run.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,623
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Is there something specific you're quoting my post for or are you upset in general about malpractice in the workplace?

    She switched therapists or is about to switch therapists. I think that's commendable and says enough about how she views moving forward. She's expressed she has mental health issues surrounding extreme anxiety. I'm not sure it's a healthy choice for her to be dwelling on the past. She should be acknowledging it and putting it in perspective and keeping her views balanced and intact regarding the use of therapy for herself in the long run.
    Yeah sorry I didn't mean anything bad but just that maybe some thinking and analysing what the therapist was doing was needed because he's so unprofessional and shady. Like even telling about the colleague at work which was meant to be completely confidential information! And taking advantage of vulnerable clients by pressuring them to cover for him on eBay! SO WRONG

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •