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Thread: He doesn't know what he wants

  1. #1

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    He doesn't know what he wants

    I posted in LDR last month, I have started school again and started to work again after being completely depressed from coming back from meeting the guy I was in a long distance relationship with since last august. I went on a dating app and started to talk to someone that I wanted to try working on building more of a connection and getting to know each other we already been intimate and went on dates we were taking things to fast but now we have only been texting and talking on the phone and he reassures me he wants to be in a relationship we me and he really likes me. I can't say that I believe what he says but he did tell me since hes 30 he wants more out of life than a hook up so i'm seeing where things go.
    I still cry over my LDR because I stopped my whole life for him everything was for him and I felt rejected. He messaged me first in two weeks asking me what am I up to and I told him of course school and work. He told me i may find someone interesting and he went on about how hes unsure about his life and he mentioned how he wants there to be hope. And he also said maybe we can work things out and get back together If I will take him back..... He said he was uncertain and he was worried that I was talking to my ex whom I want nothing to do with. He completely threw me away, shattered my feelings and didn't want to be with me at ALL.... He told me that he didn't like the smell of my breath when we met which is understanding i need a deep clean in my gums. the Dentist told me it would be 600$ and I was being cheap and didn't do it and spent the money to see HIM which i told him. He told me everything else was okay with me that was his two concerns. I really have no idea why he would even mention of wanting me. He deleted me off of Facebook and our phone games. And told me i couldn't video chat him because he wasn't feeling it and all of a sudden hes okay with talking to me and possibly working things out? HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY WANT ME IN ANYWAY? He must be really LONLEY or he tried getting back with his ex and got DENIED. I was doing well getting over him now he has me thinking the I really was on the point of getting rid of both of these people. But they come in and out. the new guy doesn't even call me often i have to tell him to and he has to promise me which kinda works and his ex is staying at the place where he lives because hes there for her since her parents died this year. He told me he told his ex about me and how he thinks the feelings between him and her faded they used to be in poly together

    idk what to do

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this . You're getting mixed up with a lot of weirdos and it's affecting you. Get some counseling and meet people at college who are your age and normal.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Hang out with your friends and stay off the dating app. You're not thinking clearly. It's not a good idea right now. You're hurt and need time to re-orient yourself back into a healthier place. Shift the focus back to you. I think you are transposing far too many emotions from one to the other (one relationship to the other). Stop all that and ground yourself. Everything will make sense eventually when you're able to see farther than the pain you're feeling right now in this moment. Take the time to heal.

  4. #4
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    Is he still job hopping and living with his parents?

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  6. #5
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    Why haven't you blocked him? He sounds like an azzhole!

    These guys sound like losers! You need to raise your standards!

    Why did you fly out to your ex? He should have come to you!

  7. #6
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    I'm sorry but for one thing I don't actually understand why you'd start dating a guy and make your life "all for him" when the first thing he ever said to you is that your breath smells! I mean that was a dead giveaway right there that he wasn't a good guy. You really don't seem to be over him and are harbouring a lot of hurt and resentment. Do you think it's actually a good idea to immediately jump into a new relationship when you're still thinking about your ex so much?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this . You're getting mixed up with a lot of weirdos and it's affecting you. Get some counseling and meet people at college who are your age and normal.
    This.

    Stay away from these long-distance internet guys. You're not in a healthy enough emotional place to weed out the bad apples and they will continue to suck the life out of you.

  9. #8

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    I am so sorry, I understand how confusing all of this can be.

    Do you have someone you're close to that you can talk to about this? I have found that talking with those who know me best always helps.

    Please know that you are not alone in this struggle. Praying for you!

  10. #9
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, but he may do an about face when the well runs dry, hopefully you don't fall for his BS. At any rate, he more than likely saw this as "Mission Accomplished." They're a dime a dozen.

    Take the lesson with you...

  11. #10
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    What you need to do is take a hiatus from dating. You say you are back in school. Great! Focus on your classes & your activities. If you have no activities, join a group. It's a new semester. The world is your oyster. Shut down your phone & your computer for social purposes & interact with the people on your campus. Figure out who you want to be as an adult. Then take steps to achieve that. When you return to school after the winter holidays for Spring semester, then you can think about dating again. Right now you have some rebuilding to do.

    Going forward never make another person your "everything," especially one you only know remotely.

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