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Thread: Should I be friends with my ex again?

  1. #1
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    Should I be friends with my ex again?

    I am thinking of talking to my ex again and becoming friends again. Although I was really heartbroken during our break-up, with the nature of our break up and our relationship I think I want to rekindle our friendship. We were pretty physical in the relationship, but foundationally I feel that it was based off of friendship and trust. He broke up with me because we had to go a long time without contact, and when we finally got to talk again he said that he wanted to find himself and wanted time on his own, since he’d been depressed for the passed 5 years or so. He told me he didn’t want to lead me on and put me on the back burner, and that he still loved me and I was still his favorite person, that we could still talk and watch shows together like before (However I don’t know if he was telling the truth or just trying to console me). I also feel that I pretty much caused the breakup myself, since I rushed at him bawling rather than sitting down and talking it out. After breaking up i asked him a few questions that he said “not right now” to, so I sent him a text that I would be blocking his number and trying to improve/find myself too, and thanked him for everything. It’s been 3 weeks of no contact since we broke up (although I did not block him on social media and let him access my spam account during that time. He liked a few of my selfies and hasn’t deleted the pic of us off of his page, but I am going to disregard just in case) and I have had to see him and awkwardly maneuver around him/avoid contact every day at school. Since our classes are close together, I am forced to see him often. I really hate having to be awkward and ignore him like this, so I am planning on texting him again soon, maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, hopefully so we can talk normally again and have fun together again, to end the awkwardness. Is becoming friends again possible or would it only produce awkwardness? Should I wait a little longer (although I feel pretty healed) or give up talking to him entirely?

  2. #2
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    Only be friends if you can see him dating and happy with another girl and genuinely not feel jealous or sad.

    If seeing him with another girl would devastate you, don't pretend or try to be "friends".

    Also, be totally honest with yourself about your motivations. Do you think being "friends" would give you a chance to get back together? Again, be honest with YOURSELF.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's fine to say hello to him in passing. But, don't you have enough female friends to hang out with? And what do you think's going to happen when he starts dating another woman? You'll be put on the back burner again or totally cut out of his life, since most partners aren't comfortable with them keeping in contact and hanging out with an ex.

    Same goes for you. Being friends with him will drive most potential dates away when they find out you're texting and hanging out with a guy you once had sex with.

    He's just not that into you. Otherwise, he would've worked on any issues with you, instead of dumping you. Keep no contact and delete him off of social media, otherwise you won't have closure. You'll get used to smiling and saying hello as you walk past, and the awkwardness will eventually fade with time. No need to ignore him, but also no need to spark up a friendship which won't last and you'll have a scab ripped off that will have to heal all over again.

    Take care, and good luck with your studies this year.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The texting might have driven him away. Just say hey in the hallway if you don't want it to be awkward. Say sorry for the mix up and you understand you're broken up/no longer together, ask him how he's doing and be cordial because you have to run into each other at school. I don't recommend watching movies/shows, having long conversations or doing any coupley things together.

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  6. #5
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    It has only been three weeks. If had been a year and you had no feelings, I would say maybe.

    I say no to being 'friends,' as it is way too early. Just say hi when you see him, and keep on going.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Naaah. What sounds like a great idea in the moment presents too much of a mess. Think. Friendsies with exes leads to another breakup of sorts when one or the other wants to get involved with someone else, and it stagnates you in limbo while the great guys you could be dating pass on you because you're still involved with an ex.

    I vote to skip that.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't contact him because you will only produce awkwardness. Leave him alone. It will be mentally unhealthy for both of you to reconnect. Both of you are broken up for a reason so keep it this way. Let him move on as should you.

  9. #8
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    It's too soon, OP.

    You are going to find that being friends is painful. I can almost promise you that. When you have reached the point of relative indifference about him, and who he dates, then perhaps a friendship might be feasible. But now? The emotional dust has not settled enough yet.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    After 3 weeks. No.

    When both of you can sit in the same space and there be no desire, no ongoing 'wasn't it great when...' discussions, or similar. Once you are at a place where you have both definitely moved on from each other, then it is okay to be friends, and it should happen organically. But, if you have to ask, then it is too soon.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Leave him alone. Get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting men. Also make friends by expanding your interests and social circle. He doesn't have much to offer, nor does he want to. You sound lonely but contacting an ex is never a good idea when you're in a bad place.

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