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Thread: Advice please

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Have you considered that her actions may be because your boyfriend doesn't shut them down appropriately? You should be able to identify your closest relationships and award those relationships with equal weight and responsibility. If either of you aren't curbing the attentions of others appropriately, it may be a good idea to review your relationship and what you both consider appropriate and inappropriate.

    In regards to the party, if you are not comfortable with it, don't go. There's no point associating with people you do not get along with. Appearing to do so will only confuse yourself and others around you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to figure out how to get past this and not let it be an issue in your life. If you want to go, then go, and ignore this girl who you are allowing to have such power over you that you arent sure whether or not you want to go. Be the adult here, decide what you want, and then do it!

  3. #13
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If you decide not to go, you don't need to present any explanations. Just write, "Thank you for the invitation, but I will not be able to attend."

    If you decide you want to go, just go and be extremely pleasant with everyone. Being happy and bubbly is the best weapon in a situation like this.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sophielsx
    Weíve been together for 5 years, and I wouldnít say I hold a grudge towards my boyfriend but at least he has taken half of the responsibility which she hasnít, so it was a stupid move on both parts
    .....Ummmm.....I'm sorry but the fault is 100% your bf's. He is the one who is the in the relationship, not her. It's 100% on him what he chooses, emphasis on chooses, to do with people who may find him attractive and otherwise flirt with him. It's 100% on him to shut that down. She continues to try and flirt with him, OP, because your bf allows it.

    It's tempting to exonerate your SO and blame someone else.....but that's ignoring the reality of who actually owed you loyalty and fidelity. Hint...it's not her. She owes you exactly zero apologies. It's on your bf to shut her down and if he isn't doing it.....you need to rethink this relationship and your bf's character. Don't get stuck in a false investment. If the company is bankrupt, you wouldn't keep putting money in it...so be sure you don't keep investing in a bankrupt relationship. Time, how long, how much you've invested so far are irrelevant.

    Imagine you marry him and 30 years from now, kids, mortgage, a whole life together, you find out he's been cheating on you on and off for years. Is that what you want? No right? When people show you their true character, believe them. If some dude was hitting on him, he'd know exactly how to shut that down fast. I guarantee you there wouldn't be any "woops we kissed".

    If she continues to flirt and you continue to be uncomfortable around her, it's your gut telling you what you don't want to hear - your relationship is on the rocks and your bf is not as honest and loyal as you want him to be.

    Anyway, as for the hen party, show some strength, go have fun and treat her politely but as an irrelevance because she isn't actually relevant. She doesn't matter, focus on the real culprit.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Why doesnt he walk away or tell her to stop when she is "all over him"?
    I think he likes the attention.
    I wouldnt be staying with someone who doesnt care about my feelings.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "Won" what? A bf who flirts, "cheats" and encourages women? You got stuck with a jerk, so in that sense she "won" because this fool is with you and she is free to date decent guys with boundaries who know how to keep their hands to themselves. Unfortunately, your bf is the problem..
    Originally Posted by sophielsx
    Thatís why Iím 50/50 because I donít want her to feel like she has Ďwoní. I guess Iím just apprehensive, itís not a situation I ever thought Iíd be in

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My first consideration before responding to any invitation is, "What do I WANT to do?"

    Everything else is just noise, because catering to what we imagine other people might think is ridiculous. Nobody else is really all that invested in what we do. If you don't want to go, don't explain yourself or make excuses, just send the regret card. It's really not a big deal.

  9. #18
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    Just to make it clear to everyone. My boyfriend tells her not to talk to him when she tries, he doesnít instigate it, and regarding our relationship like I said we have moved on so I donít get why people are judging when you actually donít know the whole story? Itís nice to post on these forums for advice but when people start judging your relationship when youíre perfectly happy is something else, itís rude.

  10. #19
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    I’m sorry but we have worked through what we’ve been through, so yeah maybe in the past he was a jerk but not now, so I’m not stuck with a jerk at all, and he doesn’t flirt so I don’t actually know where you are picking that up from, you are actually so rude lol

  11. #20
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    Iím sorry but what me and my boyfriend are perfectly fine and happy in our relationship and have moved on from mistakes, he isnít a jerk at all, so I think youíre being a teeeeeny but judgemental here, he isnít a bloody fool at all. Who are you to actually judge?

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