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Thread: What are some next steps after our meeting?

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by Blue68
    Your attitude towards dating is perfunctory. You are trying too hard for all the wrong reasons. When you find the right person for the right reasons, age won't be a problem. If women are saying you are too old then you are matching with/going after the wrong women.
    Well my culture age is a big thing. The first thing my family asks is her age. If too old they say no good. It is scientifically proven the older you get the harder to have children and HEALTHY children. That is important to me too and not just pressure thing. I don't see the age being something to brush off when some people i date requires me to believe in jesus christ or whatever else.

    In Asia, when you introduce someone you mention Age, money/job, education, height before everything else. For better or worse the majority (not ALL) focuses on those things because of the environment and culture. Like in the cities if you dont make a certain amount of money you cant get a house and getting house is a "REQUIREMENT" to get married. That's totally different in US but the circumstances with housing etc. plays into the mentality in china. If let's say there is a choice between bradd pitt who works at burger king vs average joe who is a doctor, the latter will be picked because the "bradd pitt" "has no future".

    In terms of finding someone that loves me and i love her i do want that person, but it doesn't mean that person wont exist from initial matchmaking. Matchmaking is just like friends introduce someone except the "friend" did some additional legwork and i have to do the rest. I think people here thinks i settle for "anyone with a womb" which is far from it else i wouldn't be still searching. There was one girl i met through this and first date she was on her phone all the time and that was that. Another girl decided to chase some movie star in NYC when we were out on a date and that was that.

    And from others who seen my other thread, isn't the fact i didn't end up with the other women the point that i look beyond age?


    My uncle in china is also not trusting (he is that by design) so he wanted me to get her background info - school, area she lives, work location so he can check up on her to see if she's telling me the truth even though it is from a friend. He also will meet with her (if it gets to that point) to gauge her character. Now this is "weird" i know but in china it is quite normal to have relatives help "screen". She is interested in me too and i think we can meet again sometime in the winter. I can foot the bill this time since she spent a lot of money with airfare and hotel coming here(the exchange rate is "X7" and she doesn't make "X7" money) so it was not a trivial expense that she had to make to come here.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Listen. Be upfront about your age and children requirements. No one is questioning this, you need not defend your culture or tradition.

    But you need to start being honest and stop making up excuses when these matchmakers parade one "too old" one after the next and you turn your nose up to each and every one.

    If it's not "too old", it's not enough English or no kids or job and the list goes on and on. Are you sure your parents aren't forcing this and you are going through the motions to hide something, such as being gay or not even wanting marriage? You're into your late 30's-40s and have had plenty of time. Sounds like you are looking for a sham marriage to produce a child and cover something up, such as being gay or some other taboo or secret.

    Yet you reject Every. Single. One. Every. Single. Time.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by lioil
    Well my culture age is a big thing. The first thing my family asks is her age. If too old they say no good. It is scientifically proven the older you get the harder to have children and HEALTHY children. That is important to me too and not just pressure thing. I don't see the age being something to brush off when some people i date requires me to believe in jesus christ or whatever else.

    In Asia, when you introduce someone you mention Age, money/job, education, height before everything else. For better or worse the majority (not ALL) focuses on those things because of the environment and culture. Like in the cities if you dont make a certain amount of money you cant get a house and getting house is a "REQUIREMENT" to get married. That's totally different in US but the circumstances with housing etc. plays into the mentality in china. If let's say there is a choice between bradd pitt who works at burger king vs average joe who is a doctor, the latter will be picked because the "bradd pitt" "has no future".

    In terms of finding someone that loves me and i love her i do want that person, but it doesn't mean that person wont exist from initial matchmaking. Matchmaking is just like friends introduce someone except the "friend" did some additional legwork and i have to do the rest. I think people here thinks i settle for "anyone with a womb" which is far from it else i wouldn't be still searching. There was one girl i met through this and first date she was on her phone all the time and that was that. Another girl decided to chase some movie star in NYC when we were out on a date and that was that.

    And from others who seen my other thread, isn't the fact i didn't end up with the other women the point that i look beyond age?


    My uncle in china is also not trusting (he is that by design) so he wanted me to get her background info - school, area she lives, work location so he can check up on her to see if she's telling me the truth even though it is from a friend. He also will meet with her (if it gets to that point) to gauge her character. Now this is "weird" i know but in china it is quite normal to have relatives help "screen". She is interested in me too and i think we can meet again sometime in the winter. I can foot the bill this time since she spent a lot of money with airfare and hotel coming here(the exchange rate is "X7" and she doesn't make "X7" money) so it was not a trivial expense that she had to make to come here.
    Not all women just want to be on their phones. I am not saying you shouldn't meet foreign women, but at the same time CONTINUE to meet American women. You never know where the right match will come from. So you had a bad date. Don't we all? It takes a number of dates to meet someone you really connect with. And its a lot less expensive than flying women in from China who are evasive about wanting kids or your other requirements. But you have to put your best foot forward yourself (get in shape, work on your dating etiquette) and you need to be willing to play the numbers game - just know you are going to meet a lot of women before you meet one that is a match.

    You keep talking about "the mentality in China". Are you planning to move to China, or are you a citizen. If you plan to move to China, I totally get it. But if you are not, why not expand your horizons. I have seen a lot of interviews with Chinese-American women, especially those who came initially for college, and they desire to break free of the parental pressure to marry before 30 - they want to marry when they are ready. There is a documentary called "Meet Me Halfway" that touches upon this - women not even wanting to visit their parents because all they talk about is when are they getting married. They want to meet the right guy and fall in love on their own.

    There are tons of Asian-American women who are successful in their own right - or even have a creative or nontraditional career, and want to find an equal - a partner, not to be trotted out like a broodmare to impress some guy's family with her income level, and her fertility. I had a friend in college that rejected Chinese men (unless they were ethnically chinese, but family was here for a few generations) because they came with families that were always hovering, and she felt like a show horse whose teeth and fertility were constantly being analyzed.

    no matter what - whether you import a bride or not, the family's nitpicking on her won't end with that. She could be the epitome of beauty, be able to pop out 47 babies, etc, but your mother will find a way to find fault with whoever her little boy chooses and a foreign bride will feel trapped and alone where the American bride would may feel she can speak up because she won't be shipped to China if it doesn't work out. So just know that. Find someone who makes you happy.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Listen. Be upfront about your age and children requirements. No one is questioning this, you need not defend your culture or tradition.

    But you need to start being honest and stop making up excuses when these matchmakers parade one "too old" one after the next and you turn your nose up to each and every one.

    If it's not "too old", it's not enough English or no kids or job and the list goes on and on. Are you sure your parents aren't forcing this and you are going through the motions to hide something, such as being gay or not even wanting marriage? You're into your late 30's-40s and have had plenty of time. Sounds like you are looking for a sham marriage to produce a child and cover something up, such as being gay or some other taboo or secret.

    Yet you reject Every. Single. One. Every. Single. Time.
    haha no way i am not gay. I am late bloomer in getting married sure. Not making excuses but the majority of my working years after school was in places where the asian population is non-existent. I am not rejecting every single one. I get rejected a ton as well.

    I had another one reject me few weeks back because i didn't believe in jesus christ enough.

    Just today - a 33 year old doctor rejected me because i live too far (2 hours). Another wanted me to buy her a chanel bag on 3rd date and i shied away. Maybe i am just having bad luck idk. I do have a good feeling about this one though after meeting her. Much better than the other one i mentioned before where she sings opera.

    I did have another long distance relationship many years back with a girl my uncle introduced. she was in australia. I hesitated to go visit her and she ended up getting married with 3 kids and happily lives in US. My uncle still mad at me about it because she was a real catch.

    I dont know if i give you the impression that i reject people all the time but i think i get rejected more than them.

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  6. #35
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    "1. I want to have a family. I did ask her question about having children and she said back in her city she doesnt seem to see the importance of having kids. "

    If you want a family why is this not a deal breaker? Do you think you can talk her into wanting to have kids? Or do you think she'd change her mind if you get her over to the US? Are you planning some kind of exchange, marriage and US residency in exchange for her having a baby with you?

    My dad did something similar...he met a woman (NOT from another country, BTW) who had two kids and he promised to marry her, support her kids financially and buy them all a home if she had a baby with him. They ended up divorced a few years later, putting all three of the children (and me and my other siblings, who are from different mothers) into a tailspin.

    Please think this through carefully.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Why marry now? Why not wait till 40s or 50s? I think 50s are the new 20s. It'll give you time to find Jesus Christ, make more money and enjoy more women.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by lioil
    haha no way i am not gay. I am late bloomer in getting married sure. Not making excuses but the majority of my working years after school was in places where the asian population is non-existent. I am not rejecting every single one. I get rejected a ton as well.

    I had another one reject me few weeks back because i didn't believe in jesus christ enough.

    Just today - a 33 year old doctor rejected me because i live too far (2 hours). Another wanted me to buy her a chanel bag on 3rd date and i shied away. Maybe i am just having bad luck idk. I do have a good feeling about this one though after meeting her. Much better than the other one i mentioned before where she sings opera.

    I did have another long distance relationship many years back with a girl my uncle introduced. she was in australia. I hesitated to go visit her and she ended up getting married with 3 kids and happily lives in US. My uncle still mad at me about it because she was a real catch.

    I dont know if i give you the impression that i reject people all the time but i think i get rejected more than them.
    Being in your 30s is about when people marry these days. You are not a late bloomer.
    You are the age men look to settle down. But just be prepared, a 21 year old won't be interested in you at all. Realistically, women late 20s and up. But even then, you still have to be interesting. Rejection is part of the process. Why not go out on dates with a variety of women - its just a date. It will give you more practice at finding out what you really want in a connection?

  9. #38
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    i have gone on dates. Some i like the chemistry but they dont so it takes 2 to tango. I am still trying to find people nearby (seeing someone 2 hrs away next week) but things have to align. And i know the baby thing is turning a lot of people off but that's asian tradition. Any women over 33 is really not desirable to have a family with even if everything's compatible. I know its foreign to non-asian cultures that age plays a big role but that is a huge consideration. Just like many women i meet who are 29-32 thinks 37 is too old... it's their choice too.

  10. #39

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    Try not to force it... you'll know if you're a match because you'll both have the same end goal. If she doesn't want kids, it's likely you're not a match.

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