Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 39

Thread: What are some next steps after our meeting?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,323
    Gender
    Male
    Are you being upfront with the matchmakers that you specifically want children and that you have an age requirement? Why bother meeting women who don't even fit your basic criteria? No one can be successful in their endeavors without honesty. You are wasting your and their time by agreeing to meet them when they are consistently "too old" or consistently "don't think kids are important".

    No matter where or who you date, when you are not truthful about your requirements you won't get anywhere. Are you sure you're not just saying "yes" to everything to please your parents, then coming up with a laundry list of faults from' too old' to 'doesn't speak English' to 'doesn't want kids' to 'doesn't have a profession'?

    Think about all the set ups you've been through and all the pre-meet chitchat and yet after meeting, you keep pulling all number of perceived faults out of a hat. Why is that? How old are you and what age range are you looking for? Are you sure they are not rejecting you?
    Originally Posted by lioil
    So we run into situation where a lot of chinese women too old. Or some that are compatible with me but 35 already which is too old to have children in terms of risks etc. I even had a woman going back to communicate with me 2 years later but shes too old.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,758
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by lioil
    i am sorry i cant find anyone nearby. I tried but nothing really matches. Many matches say i am too old. So age is a conversation non-starter (38). Anyone <33 i am looking for say too old so options are limited. And i never said having baby or have a womb is only requirement. Dating is a bunch of requirements - job, money, family, hobbies etc. I dont feel like listing every single thing here.

    Like i mentioned age is a non-starter for some, religion is another, politics too.

    So i should only seek someone nearby and never get married if i dont find someone here?
    Your attitude towards dating is perfunctory. You are trying too hard for all the wrong reasons. When you find the right person for the right reasons, age won't be a problem. If women are saying you are too old then you are matching with/going after the wrong women.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,551
    Originally Posted by lioil
    yes and no. Women at least i get introduced always look for someone better. So we run into situation where a lot of chinese women too old. Like there's an 82 yale phd and she looks for only phd and makes 150k+. Or some that are compatible with me but 35 already which is too old to have children in terms of risks etc. so a lot of things are being considered. I even had a woman going back to communicate with me 2 years later but shes too old. its really down to prioritizing things. Asian women values education, money, stability a lot more. Of course some ABCs are more influenced by american culture.
    Physiologically speaking, 35+ is not too old to have a baby. In today’s modern world having babies at an older age is the norm and there is little to no risk of doing so.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,758
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by lioil
    I even had a woman going back to communicate with me 2 years later but shes too old.
    Wow!!

    Originally Posted by lioil
    its really down to prioritizing things.
    And I think your priorities are all wrong. It's natural to want to settle down and start a family but you can't make these things happen before you've met someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life with.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,079
    Gender
    Female
    Interestingly, when I was dating, some of the men also had the same complaints. Several of the men I met had some issues with the women they were meeting because of age, culture and education level. Age and education or career level was somewhat synonymous with economic status so while it wasn't overt or rudely out of place, the idea of dating within a similar range was present.

    Lioil mentioned a word in his previous post #17: prioritizing. I think that's all it boils down to. It's a good idea to pick your two most important traits and go from there. It's what I meant by growing in my first post on page 1. Part about dating is not just finding out about others and meeting new people, it's about reacquainting with ourselves and finding out more about ourselves.

    As we meet people along the way we learn to adjust and tweak our perceptions here and there. We may also make exceptions where we would not have otherwise and learn a whole lot about how to see things differently and appreciate life a lot more.

  7. #26

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    4
    Gender
    Female
    I think it can go well if she continues to learn more english because communication is key I think if you guys are 100% into eachother it will work in the long run

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,125
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    I totally get how when someone is an immigrant or is first generation but is strongly connected to their culture might want to meet someone similar to them and may consider women who are back in their home country. it was VERY common in decades past and it wasn't about a green card as much as finding shared culture. My dad's friend went back to Greece to find a bride (but it was someone that was already in his orbit. Their grandmothers were best friends and he had met her on trips growing up), but nowadays with the internet, it is MUCH easier to meet someone - even someone who is in the next town over that has a similar background to you and is in the same boat - speaks the language of origin, etc., and culturally relates to you and grew up around similar families that is not overseas.

    I really though get the impression that its also about competition - he wants to meet a woman without having all the competition of other men - to be the one American guy and they meet, either go for eachother or not, versus a woman here who meets American citizens and residents on a daily basis.

    Its actually not hard to meet a woman in the United States in her 30s who wants to find her future husband and have kids. There are tons of women who want that. There are a lot of cities also with large Chinese-American immigrant, 1st through 3rd generaton populations - Los Angeles, Boston, and more.
    Totally off the subject but too funny not to share. I travel a lot and spend a lot of time away from home and you will go to the same hotels and get to know the people that work behind the counters. At one hotel there was this new girl who was tall, blonde, gorgeous and she spoke some English and was Russian. As it turned out, she was a Mail Order Bride. We were talking and she was happy to be in America but the hubby was much older, still lived at his mom's house and still slept in his child hood bed. She did not like that situation tho..
    So a few months has passed and I go back to the hotel and I didn't see this beautiful lady anymore, and asked where she was. As it turned out one of the guests who was frequently in town was this high powered lawyer and they spoke and after a few weeks of talking, on his last trip to this city he told the Russian beauty to come with him and he would take care of her and her situation and make sure she can stay in the US with him. She didn't spend more than 2 seconds to think about it and she hopped over the counter uniform and all and with him to the airport and they flew away together. I hope they are still together and happy.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,957
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by lioil
    yes and no. Women at least i get introduced always look for someone better. So we run into situation where a lot of chinese women too old. Like there's an 82 yale phd and she looks for only phd and makes 150k+. Or some that are compatible with me but 35 already which is too old to have children in terms of risks etc. so a lot of things are being considered. I even had a woman going back to communicate with me 2 years later but shes too old. its really down to prioritizing things. Asian women values education, money, stability a lot more. Of course some ABCs are more influenced by american culture.
    35 is NOT too old to have kids for a woman. you might not have a LOT of kids, but you can still have a kid. What's more important? Finding a woman to half 8 kids who is younger, and you have to learn to love, or someone who "Gets you",is the love of your life you end up having one child, or adopting a child? because in the end, if you marry a foreign bride and the kids grow up and leave or your child dies or you suffer infertility, you have eachother. And a woman who you are in love with on a personality, genuinely likes you and has respect for the person you are is someone you are going to be happy to be with even if there are no kids.
    If you don't marry someone who matches on that fundamental level, then you will be very lonely indeed.

    Women by and large are looking for someone who understands them, has a decent sense of humor, shares similar faith or outlook, is honest, and is able to support himself (unless he is in a life altering accident during the marriage), etc., and is responsible, and treats others with respect. And above all, loves her. Honest, average women truly want that.

    . Asian women values education, money, stability a lot more. Of course some ABCs are more influenced by american culture.

    Many women value THEIR education. There are many women who rather have a man who works a skilled trade and has common sense than a man who has an advanced degree and is a bit thick. American women (and chinese-American women who are not recent immigrants value stability - but they are part of what makes a marriage stable and don't solely rely on a husband to make it so.

    you CAN meet someone. Just expand your search -- to Chinese-American women under 40, not under 30, women of other ethnicities as well. maybe the woman out there who really "gets" you is a very American woman who was adopted from China, a woman who has an Asian parent and a caucasian or black parent of someone not Asian at all. Unless you are not an American citizien and are a resident who might move back to China, is a Chinese-speaking wife important? Or is a woman who you match with who might learn a little Chinese (there are lots of women who are Chinese ethically that don't speak Chinese. For that matter, what if she speaks Cantonese and you speak Mandarin?

    You are looking for a highly educated, attractive woman who is very fertile, but what do you have to bring to the table besides having a job and speaking Chinese and an American Citizenship or residency. Do you not look after your health, but expect her to be in good shape. Are you always trying to learn new things? Do you have a sense of humor? In otherwords, are you interesting?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,957
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    I think it can go well if she continues to learn more english because communication is key I think if you guys are 100% into eachother it will work in the long run
    They can communicate because he speaks Mandarin or Cantonese. Its her communicating with other Americans if she were to come here and to speak enough English to be employed. There is no way she could get a job as a secretary with poor English skills.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,957
    Gender
    Female
    So i should only seek someone nearby and never get married if i dont find someone here?

    You need to start dating. not meeting a woman for coffee to find out if she is fertile and will move to America. You need to go out and have conversations and connect with women - Chinese women and non-Chinese women. It doesn't mean you have to marry any of them but it will give you new found perspective of dating with no pressure. You might go on a lot of dates, but you might fall in love with someone, too, who you least expect and someone could fall in love with you. It also takes volunteering, joining different groups to expand your network. You can still meet foreign women, but what happens if she decides she is not in love with you?

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •