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Thread: Seinfeld-esque Dating Stories

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    Bronze Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Seinfeld-esque Dating Stories

    OK, someone suggested this on another Thread!

    Anyone ever have a date that went like something off of a Seinfeld episode? Stories like "Man Hands", "Low Talkers", "Poppy Gettin' Sloppy"!!!

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    I went on a blind date. The guy never approached me at the meeting place. He called my friend and said he thought I was ugly. I was stood up. He was actually there, but decided not to approach me. Weeks or a month or two later, he saw me with my friend. He called and asked her who was the knockout she was with, because he was hoping to be set up with her. I don't think that was a Seinfeld episode, but it should have been.

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    Bronze Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    I went on a blind date. The guy never approached me at the meeting place. He called my friend and said he thought I was ugly. I was stood up. He was actually there, but decided not to approach me. Weeks or a month or two later, he saw me with my friend. He called and asked her who was the knockout she was with, because he was hoping to be set up with her. I don't think that was a Seinfeld episode, but it should have been.
    Hahaha... think he was looking at the wrong person on your first "date"?

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    Bronze Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    OK, not that I'm proud of myself for this... but I once went on a few dates with a woman, but I could NOT get past the large gap between her front teeth... so I never asked her out again. Pretty sad, but definitely Seinfeld-esque!

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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Hahaha... think he was looking at the wrong person on your first "date"?
    Nope. It was definitely me. My friend described to him exactly what i would be wearing and exactly where i would be. and i wasn't wearing all black or something.

    The friend described what he would be wearing to me, and he wore something radically different and changed his hairstyle as well. There would have been no way i would have picked him out. She made sure to tell him he was a dummy.

    The second time he saw me, I was wearing something similar to the first time but not by any plan (its not like i was wearing a potato sack one time, and something more flattering the next).

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    I once went on a date with a very depressed guy. In between frequent awkward silences he started to tear up. Then in an Eeyore sounding voice said
    “Why is today, just like any other day....
    When I tried to cheer him up it made things worse. I patted him gently on the back. That’s when he burst into tears and asked if he could just be in his agony!

    I kid you not. I could write a book about all the weird dates I’ve been on.

    Needless to say it was our last date.

    Maybe not all the way Seinfeld but I could imagine it happening to Elaine. They would call him “The crier.” 😂

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    Bronze Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by limichelle
    I once went on a date with a very depressed guy. In between frequent awkward silences he started to tear up. Then in an Eeyore sounding voice said
    “Why is today, just like any other day....
    When I tried to cheer him up it made things worse. I patted him gently on the back. That’s when he burst into tears and asked if he could just be in his agony!

    I kid you not. I could write a book about all the weird dates I’ve been on.

    Needless to say it was our last date.

    Maybe not all the way Seinfeld but I could imagine it happening to Elaine. They would call him “The crier.” 😂
    O-M-G! That is sadly hilarious! DO tell more!

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    I have other weird date stories.

    I’ve been out with a guy who tried to plan our wedding after two dates when I was 18.

    I went on a first date with a guy who told me about the hot girl he was into. That happened to be his best friends girlfriend!

    I went out with a guy I was into but as I was getting into the car said something so air headed. I told him I better shut the car door so I don’t let all the air out. Needless to say I never saw him again.

    I went out with a guy on a first date when I was 19 and we were dressed exactly the same. It was a blind date set up by my friend. I had on a long sleeved white v neck shirt with a blue sporty vest. He showed up with the same shirt and vest.
    He said he couldn’t see me again because my house was ‘too’ small for his taste.

    I went on a date at 20 where the waiter gave me his phone number in front of my date! He then said “ You know, just in case this doesn’t work out.”

    After my eleven year relationship ended. The dates got worse.

    One guy started an argument with me why it wasn’t plausible my dad had back problems. The guy never even met my dad!

    Yeah then the being yelled at in the movie theatre by one date because I wasn’t finding a seat fast enough.

    I’m lucky I finally found an awesome guy and I’m no longer in the dating world. 😂

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    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    My weirdest date was with a guy who seemed like a nice guy. We went for coffee in a small coffee shop. It all seemed normal up until we sat down.

    He started staring...I mean, really STARING. He kept saying.."you're pretty" without blinking.

    I got uncomfortable and had a nervous laugh and kept trying to engage him into conversation, but he wouldn't answer me or add anything to the conversation.

    He literally just kept staring saying.."pretty".

    I was convinced I was going to end up in his basement tied up, so I got the heck out of there and while running out the door, he yelled.."Can I call you?" I yelled back.."NO!"

    Never been so weirded out by someone in all my life.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Love this thread! I have a surplus of stories, for better or worse, but I'll start with an old faithful.

    First date after a three year relationship ends. I'm a bit wobbly, probably not "ready," but my match seems like the perfect candidate for a mature, go-nowhere meet up. She's 38, has a 4 year old, a killer job, came across in our few texts as "together" in a "chill" way. Adult through and through, or so the initial tea leaves said.

    We meet for a margarita on a bitterly cold evening. No sparkly vibes, but nice chatter. Adult—a word I stress, not just to foreshadow what's to come, but to better understand my own moment mentally. My ex was 12 years my junior and the demise of that forced me to address my own lack of maturity in trying to bridge significant age gaps. Adult, in other words, was very important to me.

    We decide to bop into the fancy new bar next door. In the span of, I don't know, half an hour she puts back three or four $15 cocktails. Cue a dark, palpable shift in the mood, the dead eyes of booze bringing a deep well of inner sadness to the surface. "Why, why, why..."?" she mumbles. "Why is it all so stupid and worthless?"

    I try to lighten the mood, while also being understanding, basically asking her if she's maybe freshly out of something. A surly nod yes. "Look, I get it," I say. "I'm two months out." Vacant stare. "You're maybe," I venture, "more like two hours out?" Surly nod. "It's cool," I say. "Life—it's crazy, isn't it?" She answers this by telling me she wants a cigarette.

    I used to smoke, will have one from time to time, am looking for any excuse to wrap this up. We go out into the freezing night, she bums a smoke. I take a drag or two, saying nothing. "Stop being so f'ing pious!" she starts scolding me, though I think "me" was a stand-in for another man by this point. I say it's time to call it a night.

    Her eyes are now doing a new thing, where they're each being pulled back into her head and slightly different frequencies. Ugh. I was not raised to leave women on city streets in this condition, so I ask where she lives, knowing it's nearby. Unintelligible mumbling. It is tundra cold outside. I snap my fingers in her face. "What is the address you write down when your child has school matters?"

    She hiccups it out. Half a block away. Phew. I get her to the door. Reaching for her keys she drops her purse—pill bottles across the stoop. She buzzes the buzzer, a nanny arrives. The nanny and I exchange a look and I can see in the nanny's eyes that this is not a first. I try to tell the nanny, with my eyes, that I am not what she may think I am. I help my date up the stairs, to her floor, through the door.

    Here something amazing occurs that exists in my mind in slow motion. As she takes two steps into her living room, the nanny takes two steps backward, out the door, leaving me alone. I suspect the last look the nanny saw on my face was the look of someone in an action movie—the part where they are hanging from a cliff, holding onto a slippery hand, and then losing the grip before plummeting.

    Door shut, I turn around and see my "date" fall, timber like, onto the floor. Blacked out. She's okay, but deeply unconscious. Fun. I can hear the faint sounds of a child rustling in a nearby bedroom. I was not raised to leave children alone in such situations.

    So, what to do?

    Well, I kind of make myself at home for a minute. I use the bathroom, skim through a magazine, reflecting, with a Scandinavian morbidity, on my new life as a mature, single, nearly 40 year old man. I rouse my date, determining, best I can, that even in her fog she is not a complete zombie—that were her kid to need mommy, she could do a shell of a mommy impression. Then I leave.

    A few weeks later she texted me merry Christmas, asking if we could try again. I didn't respond, didn't go on any more dates for many months.
    Last edited by bluecastle; 08-28-2019 at 06:17 PM.

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