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Thread: How do I move on

  1. #1

    How do I move on

    Honestly it probably hasnít been long enough to start asking for advice but Iím going to anyways. My ex and I broke up just shy of a month ago and I just donít know what to do. My mental health has ever been good but now itís just at a steady decline and I find myself just unpredictable and I canít control my emotions at all. One second Iíll be happy the next Iíll start thinking about it all and go back to my depressive manner. Iíve really been trying to move on and I just canít. Throughout this whole mess Iíve honestly been very depressed and I found that there were even times where Iíd pray for my death, just hoping for it to finally come. On top of that Iím trying to stay friends with him I really am but a lot of times I feel like heís growing farther apart from me and I donít know if I blame him. I just want to be able to be there for him heís my best friend and heís honestly done so much for me but Iím just a complete mess and I really worry that all Iím doing right now is hurting him and all the other people I care about, because right now a lot of the time Iím impulsive self destructive and depressed in general and Iím tired of doing that to my friends. He was honestly my everything. He was how I got through so much tough and how I was able to deal with my familyís constant bullsh*t. But now I just donít know what to do. He was my future. I put my entire heart into him and into that relationship and now Iím just left here empty, unshackled, and homeless (figuratively) left to walk this earth an empty husk. Thatís all feel I am. Thatís all Iím afraid Iíll ever be. Now that I donít have him. Now that I donít have my reason to be strong. My reason to be well. I just feel like Iím collapsing. He really honestly was my everything. And now I have nothing. Nothing but my guilt and regret and I donít know what to do with that. Honestly right now what I feel like I want is for him and everyone else to just finally let go of me. I know I am and I have. Itíll just be harder for them if they hold onto to this empty shell, this being of nothing and pain and guilt. But they still are. What should I do? How do I move on from someone Iíd gladly crawl through hell and back for and that because of them Iíd crawl through hell and back for myself? Iím sorry for bothering all of you Iím sure you have better to do than listen to my delusional ramblings. But anyways. Thatís me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    You're not helping matters by staying friends with your ex. The longer you're in contact with your ex, the more difficult if not impossible it will be for you to move on with your life. Every single time you have a conversation with your ex whether verbal or text, he's a constant reminder of your relationship with him before you broke up which is mentally and physically unhealthy for you. You can't expect to heal as long as you have ties to your past. You need to break free.

    He's not your everything anymore. You need to cut him loose. He WAS your future. Well, you've arrived at your future and he shouldn't be part of it anymore. You are still shackled to him.

    If you want him and everyone to let go of you, YOU have to make the first move and let go of him and anyone else. This is your responsibility if you wish to improve your mental state.

    You move on by taking action now and don't live in the past.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    London, UK
    I think it important that you learn from this.

    There is one person in the world that you should be able to draw strength on, that you should be able to see a future with, that you should be able to draw upon for most everything, and that is yourself.

    The moment we give control of our feelings, happiness, ability to support ourselves mentally to another person, we are setting ourselves up for hardship, as is the case here. You put so much on him to support you in everything, and now he is gone, you have nothing. Now you are rustling around trying to find someone to pick you up again, when the person you need the most is you.

    The cliche stance of needing to love yourself before someone else can is on show here. You loved yourself while you were with him, because he loved you. Now he is gone, you have no means to love yourself. And you are holding onto that in a friendship in efforts to maintain that love of yourself and everything.

    As Cherylyn above has said, now you have to do this for yourself. Let go of him and start working towards finding you. Don't take the easy route and just leap in with someone else as it will just end the same. Find you, make you the best, stay single until you are strong in yourself, then go find someone to love.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    You must cut all contact from him. You are only prolonging the pain. Block and delete him.

    I also suggest a therapist. It sounds like you made your entire existence about this guy, which is really unhealthy.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. It's only a month so having a heartache is normal. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? Do Not Stay Friends. Huge mistake. You need no contact at all as well as deleting him from your social media and messaging apps. This is for him and what is causing your pain. Stop on clear your head. Get to a doctor. You need a complete workup for mood and other issues. Also get some short term therapy to sort all this out.
    Originally Posted by Thisisme2703
    My ex and I broke up just shy of a month ago and I just donít know what to do. Iím trying to stay friends with him I

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    It's all okay... you are trying to process everything. And you are just fresh out of a relationship.
    All takes time.... to accept and to heal.
    Is nothing wrong with having these emotions- as you deal with a 'loss'... All is normal- let it go. <3

    As mentioned... No, you can NOT be 'friends' with an ex.. while you try to work on healing & moving on.
    Maybe... in a year or 3.. IF you feel you even want to.... Many do not.
    But, as you go thru all of this.. No.

    You are just feeling really Low at this time because you are dealing with a loss.. Loss is never easy & takes time....

    You are having to re-adjust your life again.. and get used to the dynamics as single again... It can be done! Been there.
    I just feel like Iím collapsing. He really honestly was my everything. And now I have nothing. Nothing but my guilt and regret and I donít know what to do with that.

    Yes..starting out new again is overwhelming... So give yourself time.. lots more time to work thru all of this.

    I suggest, if you feel that it is just too much on you.. Go talk to your doctor about it all. Maybe get on something to help
    you thru things like Anxiety? I had to and went into therapy.. Plus nowadays, I journal.. I have so much going thru my darn
    mind.. makes me crazy :/.

    One day at a time,, But DO tc of YOU.

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