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Thread: How do you deal with an ex who won't leave you alone?

  1. #1

    How do you deal with an ex who won't leave you alone?

    I am busy right now with school, work and living on my own. So this is just causing me unnecessary stress and anxiety. It took me some time to really be strong and put my foot down and break up with him firmly. But my ex boyfriend messaged me that he had some things he bought for me before and that he just wanted to give it to me. In my mind, I was trying to be fair, like I suppose it's a reasonable request. But I have an uncomfortable feeling in my gut like he probably like it could just be manipulation. I still told him okay we can meet, maybe later because I'm busy now. And then he is asking me again and I told him that I don't want anything from him, I just want him to leave me alone; we are no longer together. But then he says that he bought it for me, wants me to have and has no expectations. He acts like he just woke up from an epiphany and is a better person. He says "he would really appreciate it if we could meet for some food, there's stuff I want to get off my chest." I don't understand it; we've been going through this for the past 2 months. What else would he say that he hasn't said already? And he ends it with "You don't have to ever see me again and I won't message you." At this point I find it very difficult to trust him. Because ever since I first tried to leave him like 2 months ago, his actions never really matched his words. He'd always say he's over it, then would come back and say he can't handle it; and manipulate me into changing my mind. I just don't know if there's any point to replying to him because I am 100% out of time and energy to deal with this anymore. I have a feeling I should block him. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Having come of age, and spent most of my life, before "blocking" was an option I've always seen it as kind of unnecessary. I've found that telling someone I need space and will no longer be communicating as I heal has generally worked. Sure, maybe there's another message or two that comes through, since emotions are sometimes crazy, but when you don't respond to those the message tends to be received. When you do respond to them, as you've learned, you're kind of undercutting your own words.

    That said, blocking is certainly an effective means of ensuring that you don't get calls and text messages from someone, and it can certainly send that someone the message that you'd rather not talk to them. So if for whatever reason you're struggling to not respond to him as he's struggling to stop contacting you—sure, block him for a bit, or forever. Your call. In the long run it's likely healthiest for both of you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're the one who just said that you don't have time or energy and fear manipulation. If that's truly the case, you'd behave appropriately and shut down any communications with this person. Take care of yourself and do the obvious.

    Are you feeling something you're not sharing explicitly also? For example, do you enjoy his attention now after he didn't show you the attention or love that you felt you deserved earlier?

  4. #4
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    You should not be accepting anything from him. If you had blocked him, you would not be dealing with this. Stop engaging. You are a big part of your own problem.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Block and delete. You clearly dont want to have anything to do with him, so just block and delete. He can mail you whatever he wants to give you.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I could be wrong, but hopefully you're not keeping him on the back burner while you test drive your current interest. Is this new guy still in the picture?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I would tell him one last time via text that you prefer not to meet nor receive gifts. Tell him respectfully and kindly. Request that he honor your request and if not, forewarn him that he will be blocked. I think it's fair as opposed to being abrupt, terse and curt. There is a way to handle this diplomatically. Handle it with class.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you still want to hear from him and see him hoping you reconcile or for the attention or simply to drag things out. Otherwise you would have deleted and blocked him from all social media and messaging apps or simply stopped responding/communicating.

    When you are ready for it to really be over, you'll do that. It sounds like you are playing the on/off game, not broken up.
    Originally Posted by SavanahGram
    my ex boyfriend messaged me that he had some things he bought for me before and that he just wanted to give it to me.

  10. #9
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    Blocking is fine.

    If he persists in bugging you, send him a certified letter telling him to go away.

    Document everything he does -- date & time, what he says etc. Then if after you send the certified letter, he persists, you can go to the police seeking charges for stalking & harassment, possibly a restraining order with evidence: Your log & the green card for the letter.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She can not go to the police and blame him for her actions which are entertaining his contact repeatedly. She has made zero effort to cease contact. The police are not there for teen drama.
    Originally Posted by TeeDee

    Document everything he does -- date & time, what he says etc. Then if after you send the certified letter, he persists, you can go to the police seeking charges for stalking & harassment, possibly a restraining order with evidence:

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