BF is on a boys trip and im not coping very well

[Rose Mosse]

I just want to say... I don't understand why women are so fearful of their man cheating when he goes on holiday with his friends, like this particular scenario has been mentioned at least 2 or 3 times on this forum in threads I've read.

I enjoy reading your posts - such heart in them and honesty. I think you may be seeing this many more times if you continue to come back to the forum. Good for you for not cheating. Any act of duplicity does eventually erode upon a person's identity and belief system. It may take time I think for the cracks to show and I think it's our conscience doing its work. I think our conscience does its most spectacular work when no one is looking (we only have to answer to ourselves). Perhaps that's where it becomes a true test of character - when we know we can get away with it and end up not doing it anyway, knowing that it's wrong.

Any bout of away-time in a couple's regular day to day routine or schedule is bound to cause some insecurities especially in new(er) relationships. I think it takes a very clueless (for lack of a better word, pardon) person not to wonder about the possibilities especially if a person knows what a catch his/her partner is. I've never believed in numbing down or talking down any worries or feelings of insecurity. They seem like good tools to use to work through past issues or present issues in a relationship.

[maew]

I just want to say... I don't understand why women are so fearful of their man cheating when he goes on holiday with his friends, like this particular scenario has been mentioned at least 2 or 3 times on this forum in threads I've read.

Unless your man's friends are misogynist and/or amoral a-holes, the fact that they are going as a group basically prevents any of them from cheating on any partners at home. Because most mature and decent guys have at least a basic moral compass and we like our friends to also be basically decent human beings. A group of guys might banter among themselves about girls, tolerate or even encourage some naughtiness like flirting with a cute girl, telling crude jokes or whatever... but we know where the line is, and if it is crossed, a guy would likely face criticism from his friends, who may even inform his partner, especially if any of them are mutual friends of hers. Basically it is a self-policing system for really bad behaviour.

I have considered cheating recently (please do not judge too harshly, you do not know the context and I have decided not to do it because it is wrong regardless) and went on a few dates, I absolutely would not consider telling any of my friends about it, even if they do not know my girlfriend or have any means to tell her... because it is amoral and I do not want my peers to think of me as an amoral human being. If I cheat in my romantic life, I automatically also become a less reliable friend, colleague and regarded with lower moral standards.

i.e. if a guy is gonna cheat on you, it is unlikely that he's gonna do it on holiday with his friends, because he won't be able to hide it from them.

One of the best responses I have ever seen about this topic. Like I literally felt this in my heart and soul as I was reading it.

This is not about him not being trustworthy, this is about the OP feeling that she needs to control him and the relationship or she will be hurt again. The OP needs to learn to trust, and to walk through those fears and anxieties in order to do so, if she wants to have a good relationship with a good man.

OP there is a reason you end up in relationships with men that cheat on you. Something about their character you are overlooking when getting into a relationship with them. That said, if this one is different, then treat him differently and behave differently, because you can't do anything about what happened in your past and you have no control over what he does, but you can built a strong foundation by practicing resilience, courage, trust, appreciation and love towards this man that seems to be treating you well.

[Cherylyn]

Well said MirrorKnight.

[TeeDee]

You are coping better then you think you are. You are being upbeat when you talk to him. You recognize that your past is causing this not his behavior. At least logically you know it's you & you are trying not to blame him for what others did in your past. That is all progress.

Keep yourself busy. Repeat to yourself that he's a good guy & you can trust him. If he does prove unworthy, you just walk away. Yes, that is easier said then done but having standards means that sometimes people may not live up to your expectations. That is on them, not you.

The poster who pointed out that most people are generally good was on to something. Listen

Also try to remember that even if your BF spoke to some girl in a bar that doesn't rise to the level of cheating.