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What consider cheating?


Wonder01234

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Hi, I just want a better understanding on what consider cheating.

 

About two years ago, i had an argument with my ex over him cheating on me. What happened was, one day i saw a msg on his phone from a girl I didn't know. As a scrolled back on the msgs, I discovered that he was flirting with her. Saying stuff like you're really pretty and cute, please don't give me the cold shoulder again, I miss talking to you, I'm here if you ever need me, I'm single at the moment but seeing my ex, probably will be over soon (we were still together at that time, I was over his place so we can spend time together like we normally do).

 

When i confronted him, he said that is not cheating it was only a bit more than a nice msg, a little harmless flirting but there was no intention behind it since she live in a different state. Then he said he only said I was an ex because he believe that we would break up soon cause i don't love him for him but only the idea of him.

 

I asked a few people I know and most said that it is emotional cheating, but there was also 1 or 2 guys who said that it doesn't consider as cheating. I believe that it is cheating. Can I get your opinions on this matter.

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"Getting back with my ex

Hi, l’m Beth and I’m having trouble deciding what to do. Any advise will be very helpful.

 

Me and my ex dated for about 4 years, the first 3yrs was amazing but in the last year we start to drift apart, he stop caring and didn’t want to hangout or even make effort or our anniversary. We talked about breaking up but never gone through with it cause it was too hard. I caught him flirting with a girl on fb, which he apologise and block her. About a month before he broke up with me, I notice he was interested in someone else since he didn’t want me around when she around. When I confronted him, he said I’m imagining things. We eventually broke up, I was heart broken and in pain but he was fine. I found out that not long after we broke up he went and slept with that girl. He was out partying and having fun.

 

Fast forward 2 years, I’ve finally pull myself together and focusing on me. Then he suddenly msg me wanting to meet up to apologise. He wanted to get back together and said how sorry he is for everything and he regret letting me go. We talked for hours and he said his a change man now, give him a chance to prove it. I still have feelings for him but I’m not sure whether to trust him or not. I don’t know what to do since he seem really sincere about everything. Can a person changed?" From June.

Why haven't you blocked and deleted this guy? He cheated on you with two girls that you know of.

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Yes it's emotional cheating. Those 1 or 2 guys are guilty of it obviously and are dbags like your ex. But yes there are people who believe only sexual contact is considered cheating...but I'm sure if they found their love of their life monkey branching on them they would change their tune.

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Sure, I'd consider that a form of emotional cheating. And if that potent label doesn't fly for all linguistic professors, it doesn't negate the hard fact that it is purely lousy, shady, d-bag behavior. Anyone trying to argue that it's "harmless"—well, that's how they let you know they are a lousy, shady d-bag.

 

Which leads to the other question: Why devote all this time to trying to understand a lousy, shady d-bag who you are no longer in a relationship with?

 

Whether he continues to live his life in the shade or has a come-to-Jesus moment won't negate the hurt he's caused you. Best to distance ourselves from sources of pain, not keep finding ways to keep them spinning around in our heads.

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It's cheating because he was deceitful and msg'd her behind your back.

 

He acted normal in front of you and when you weren't looking, he msg'd another woman and played both sides of the fence.

 

The 1 to 2 guys said it wasn't cheating because they themselves are capable of doing it if they hadn't already and they don't have integrity nor a conscience.

 

An honorable MAN would've told you, yes, it was cheating because the guy msg-ing the woman wasn't playing by the rules of common decency.

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Thank you for all your comments. The reason I asked is because my ex decided to pop back into my life after 2yrs and wanted a second chance. However when I brought up the fact he cheated on me, even though he did agree that he kinda did this time round, but I still feel he didn’t regret what happened.

 

So I’m just curious to how can he think he didn’t really do anything wrong, and he keep saying it wasn’t physically cheating. Make me so frustrated and just want to know other opinions.

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Thank you for all your comments. The reason I asked is because my ex decided to pop back into my life after 2yrs and wanted a second chance. However when I brought up the fact he cheated on me, even though he did agree that he kinda did this time round, but I still feel he didn’t regret what happened.

 

So I’m just curious to how can he think he didn’t really do anything wrong, and he keep saying it wasn’t physically cheating. Make me so frustrated and just want to know other opinions.

 

If you had blocked him, you would not be dealing with any of this.

 

Who cares what he says. Move on with your life. It has been two years.

 

At the very least he emotionally cheated. You do not know if he physically cheated. Emotional cheating is just as bad.

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Thank you for all your comments. The reason I asked is because my ex decided to pop back into my life after 2yrs and wanted a second chance. However when I brought up the fact he cheated on me, even though he did agree that he kinda did this time round, but I still feel he didn’t regret what happened.

 

So I’m just curious to how can he think he didn’t really do anything wrong, and he keep saying it wasn’t physically cheating. Make me so frustrated and just want to know other opinions.

 

No second chances because it's unrealistic to expect a man to change.

 

When you brought up cheating to him, he didn't regret it happened because he doesn't have a conscience; he doesn't know the difference between right and wrong behavior. He lacks empathy and doesn't feel for you. Once you understand that concept, it will make sense to you and it's no longer a mystery whether it's him or anyone on this planet.

 

He thinks he didn't do anything wrong because again, he lacks empathy, doesn't feel for you or others. He acts this way because he's selfish and self-centered. It's me, me, me, me, me and who cares what you think and who cares how you feel? He doesn't care about the consequences. He feels very indifferent because he lacks empathy and doesn't feel for other people! It's all about him and never about the other person such as you.

 

I know you're frustrated and I'm sorry. However, once you understand the dark side of people's personalities and the dark side of human nature, instead of feeling frustrated and hurt, you become cold and educated. It's not only human psychology, it's how many men or people are.

 

You become wary and jaded. Naivete is no more.

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He says it wasn't physically cheating. The problem here was his deceitful behavior to flirt and msg the girl behind your back unbeknownst to you. That right there breaks the rules in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, marriage, often times friendships and many relationships. There's no loyalty and devotion to you. He has someone on the side, acting flirtatious and paying attention to her instead of you being his sole focus in a relationship. It's common sense.

 

Pretending to be devoted to you while secretly msg-ing another woman behind your back breaks the moral code of being a decent, honorable human being. There is a lack of integrity here. It's dishonest and betrays your trust in him.

 

It breaks 'The Golden Rule' of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

 

It's sneaky and he's slick. Beware. Run for the hills !

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Thank you for all your comments. The reason I asked is because my ex decided to pop back into my life after 2yrs and wanted a second chance. However when I brought up the fact he cheated on me, even though he did agree that he kinda did this time round, but I still feel he didn’t regret what happened.

 

So I’m just curious to how can he think he didn’t really do anything wrong, and he keep saying it wasn’t physically cheating. Make me so frustrated and just want to know other opinions.

 

Obviously he needs to upgrade his lying skills. In any event if you think you can change this gem of a man, you're barking up the wrong tree.

 

As to what he thinks, that's the problem...he doesn't think.

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Don't bother beating him over the head with this again. He shouldn't even have been able to contact you or initiate this dialogue because he should have been blocked, forgotten and you should be in a happy committed relationship by now. Get over this. In fact he's probably just chatting you up while still being with someone else. You know this because this is who he is.

my ex decided to pop back into my life after 2yrs and wanted a second chance. However when I brought up the fact he cheated on me, even though he did agree that he kinda did this time round, but I still feel he didn’t regret what happened.
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Jeeezzz louis! He's just telling you what you want to hear to get back into your good graces....and he's just trying to manipulate you once again. You know he's a dbag, you know he doesn't care what he did, so after two years why the hell haven't you blocked and deleted him. Girl it's time to move on with your life. YOU will never ever get him to acknowledge or admit what he did was wrong...it's over, be done with him.

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Saying stuff like you're really pretty and cute, please don't give me the cold shoulder again, I miss talking to you, I'm here if you ever need me, I'm single at the moment but seeing my ex, probably will be over soon

 

Wow! :/.. This says enough.. ya think?

 

I say sooo many red flags are staring you right in the face here!.. WHY stick around someone who's said such things

to another woman? Lacks in respect or appreciation for YOU. :(.

 

Get away from this loser! If they dont appreciate you they dont deserve you.

 

Enough.

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I asked a few people I know and most said that it is emotional cheating, but there was also 1 or 2 guys who said that it doesn't consider as cheating. I believe that it is cheating. Can I get your opinions on this matter.

 

I have never really believed in "emotional cheating." For me, especially in a dating relationship talking is not cheating.

 

Your BF was doing more then talking. He was flirting. That is a slippery slope. I could get past a one off comment made to somebody in passing, like a waitress. But sustained conversations over social media are more problematic. Again the emphasis is on sustained. One compliment to somebody on social media is just a compliment, not a threat to your relationship

 

Whether it's cheating or not, you are uncomfortable with this behavior. That makes it not OK in your world & your relationship. If whoever you are dating doesn't respect your feelings enough to take them into account & possibly alter their behavior as a show of caring for you, then perhaps you need to re-evaluate.

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He was priming her to be with him. (while he was with you) It was only a matter of time (if she took his bait) before he turned that emotional affair into a physical one. As Blue mentioned, why keep a d-bag in your life? Surely you believe you can do better than the likes of a d-bag???? Block and delete him and get on with your life without him in it in any capacity.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you everyone for your advice and comments. It help me understand a lot more now about the situation after reading all your comments.

 

I didn’t block him the first time because I still had a lot of feelings for him and also believe that he would change back into the nice and sweet guy that I felt in loved with.

 

However, with him coming back and saying all these stuff, it really showed he will never change. He is who he is now, he will never revert back to who I loved, and I got no interest in being with someone like him. It still hurt a lot, but I have decided to block him and won’t ever contact him again.

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