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Thread: This is stupid but I canít stop

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Yes, most definitely start now. You you have to start somewhere so it might as well be today and now. LOVE YOURSELF MORE AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF. GIVE YOURSELF SELF-RESPECT. You will become secure when you begin to shift focus away from others and onto YOURSELF. Do what you enjoy, surround yourself with upstanding, moral people, enjoy independence and solitude, too.

    Take outstanding care of your health because there's an absolute healthy body, sound mind condition.

    You will begin to think positively about yourself and realize you're more important than they are. You won't let everything grate on your nerves anymore. Change the way you think. Release your negative energy. Let it flow out of your body.

    Find peace from within and concentrate on your health. Stewing over other people is mentally unhealthy for you. Think about this: They're NOT expending any thoughts about you so why should you give them the time of day?

    Develop high self confidence, high self esteem and high self worth. After that, you will feel secure and you won't let other people and their associations bother you anymore. You've got better things to do in your life than fret over them. They could care less about you so you should return the favor and focus on enjoying your own life to the hilt.
    Yes, I agree and what I like about this suggestion is that it's concrete. It's not about "loving myself more" it's about specific things you do large and small each day to take care of yourself. And I agree wholeheartedly that it starts with the basics. Good sleep. Good food and enough food but not too much. Daily cardio -and if you can't do 30 minutes a day do 20 -or start with one minute of fast walking and double that every single day till you're up to at least 20. Commit to yourself in ways that show discipline and restraint - that's loving yourself too. I made a dietary change in the last month and it's not easy but I see the rewards in other ways and the self-discipline and restraint feels really good. And when I feel myself veering towards too much restraint -towards treating myself in more of a punitive way -I rebalance so that I don't feel overly deprived. Work in progress but I have a goal in mind and that goal reflects self-care. Avoid the abstract because the abstract leads to excuses. Be very concrete about the things you will do every single day. And do them. It might be drinking more water - if so, have an amount in mind. It might be practicing a breathing exercise -if so find a specific one that is doable and actually do it.

    It might be decluttering a specific area of a drawer or room. It might be choosing not to nibble on sweets after dinner or whenever your trigger point is. And check in with yourself so that you're not making impractical goals where you set yourself up for failure. Some people I know do fancy "programs" or "100 day" kinds of things and post galore on Facebook for "accountability" and to get likes. If that floats your boat (it sinks mine but works for some) then you do it -you do you. Whatever works.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes, I agree and what I like about this suggestion is that it's concrete. It's not about "loving myself more" it's about specific things you do large and small each day to take care of yourself. And I agree wholeheartedly that it starts with the basics. Good sleep. Good food and enough food but not too much. Daily cardio -and if you can't do 30 minutes a day do 20 -or start with one minute of fast walking and double that every single day till you're up to at least 20. Commit to yourself in ways that show discipline and restraint - that's loving yourself too. I made a dietary change in the last month and it's not easy but I see the rewards in other ways and the self-discipline and restraint feels really good. And when I feel myself veering towards too much restraint -towards treating myself in more of a punitive way -I rebalance so that I don't feel overly deprived. Work in progress but I have a goal in mind and that goal reflects self-care. Avoid the abstract because the abstract leads to excuses. Be very concrete about the things you will do every single day. And do them. It might be drinking more water - if so, have an amount in mind. It might be practicing a breathing exercise -if so find a specific one that is doable and actually do it.

    It might be decluttering a specific area of a drawer or room. It might be choosing not to nibble on sweets after dinner or whenever your trigger point is. And check in with yourself so that you're not making impractical goals where you set yourself up for failure. Some people I know do fancy "programs" or "100 day" kinds of things and post galore on Facebook for "accountability" and to get likes. If that floats your boat (it sinks mine but works for some) then you do it -you do you. Whatever works.
    With all due respect, I beg to differ. I do think it's about "loving yourself more" not only with taking care of your health but "loving yourself" means don't make other people more important than yourself. Don't put others on such elevated status to the point where you're concerned with whom they associate or socialize with. This is regarding Marshmellow12, the OP's complaint about her jealous feelings towards her SIL (sis-in-law)'s for hanging out with Marshmellow12's family and friends.

    When you learn to love yourself, you longer have feelings of jealousy and envy. It goes away and disappears because you're better than that. Feeling indifferent and "blah" regarding what other people do is a good thing. Too many people obsess over other people while neglecting to love themselves and I'm not referring to what you eat, how you exercise or decluttering your home. Sure, those help a lot but I'm specifically referring to loving your own self worth and knowing you're important and not any less important than the people you fret about. They don't care about you so you should care less about them.

    Loving yourself does several things. Once you learn to love yourself, you'll feel stronger and more secure. You'll develop thicker skin, you learn to think tougher and you'll feel stronger. When you love yourself, you feel more resilient and far less irritable! When you love yourself, people won't get under your skin anymore because YOU DON'T CARE!!!! Once you learn to habitually love yourself, you're kinder to yourself and won't care about others, what they do, whom they associate with and what their social life is like. When you love yourself, you're no longer preoccupied with others. You'll have the "I don't care," indifferent attitude which is to your benefit. You learn to mind your own business and concentrate on your own life.

    Whatever other people do is their own life. Go in the opposite direction and focus on yourself.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    And I suggest that if your SIL is your social media FB friend, put her on snooze every 30 days and when she pops up again, put her on snooze for yet another 30 days. Or hide her completely. Out of sight, out of mind. You'll no longer have reminders of what bothers or irritates you.

    Ignorance is bliss.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    With all due respect, I beg to differ. I do think it's about "loving yourself more" not only with taking care of your health but "loving yourself" means don't make other people more important than yourself. Don't put others on such elevated status to the point where you're concerned with whom they associate or socialize with. This is regarding Marshmellow12, the OP's complaint about her jealous feelings towards her SIL (sis-in-law)'s for hanging out with Marshmellow12's family and friends.

    When you learn to love yourself, you longer have feelings of jealousy and envy. It goes away and disappears because you're better than that. Feeling indifferent and "blah" regarding what other people do is a good thing. Too many people obsess over other people while neglecting to love themselves and I'm not referring to what you eat, how you exercise or decluttering your home. Sure, those help a lot but I'm specifically referring to loving your own self worth and knowing you're important and not any less important than the people you fret about. They don't care about you so you should care less about them.

    Loving yourself does several things. Once you learn to love yourself, you'll feel stronger and more secure. You'll develop thicker skin, you learn to think tougher and you'll feel stronger. When you love yourself, you feel more resilient and far less irritable! When you love yourself, people won't get under your skin anymore because YOU DON'T CARE!!!! Once you learn to habitually love yourself, you're kinder to yourself and won't care about others, what they do, whom they associate with and what their social life is like. When you love yourself, you're no longer preoccupied with others. You'll have the "I don't care," indifferent attitude which is to your benefit. You learn to mind your own business and concentrate on your own life.

    Whatever other people do is their own life. Go in the opposite direction and focus on yourself.
    Yes, I agree and I think having the goal of "loving yourself more" can get lost in abstraction unless there are specific concrete steps -whether it's exercise, eating better, decluttering or putting SIL on snooze for 30 days, etc - there should be specifics even with "don't make other people more important than yourself" - I think it's helpful to get down to the root of that and decide how, specifically you're going to do that. For example it might be that she declines to do something that would elevate the other person's worth or she might assert herself differently so that instead of feeling resentment, she notices that she valued her needs in that situation. I think it's too easy with a big -albeit very positive -goal of "loving oneself" to lose motivation unless it's broken down into small, specific ways particular to the person's situation.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes, I agree and I think having the goal of "loving yourself more" can get lost in abstraction unless there are specific concrete steps -whether it's exercise, eating better, decluttering or putting SIL on snooze for 30 days, etc - there should be specifics even with "don't make other people more important than yourself" - I think it's helpful to get down to the root of that and decide how, specifically you're going to do that. For example it might be that she declines to do something that would elevate the other person's worth or she might assert herself differently so that instead of feeling resentment, she notices that she valued her needs in that situation. I think it's too easy with a big -albeit very positive -goal of "loving oneself" to lose motivation unless it's broken down into small, specific ways particular to the person's situation.
    When I refer to loving oneself, I meant that it's doing some soul searching and appreciating yourself for who you are as opposed to preoccupying yourself regarding what others are doing, whom they associate with or socialize with and how their lives are.

    When I said not to make other people more important than yourself, I meant not to focus on their lives and instead focus on your own and telling the OP, Marshmellow12, that everyone needs to mind their own business. People are too busy poking around and up in each others business and so much so that you forget about concentrating on yourself and your own life.

    You do it by having an attitude adjustment and learning to think a different way instead of worrying and fretting what other people are doing 24 / 7. It should be none of Marhmellow12 nor anyone's concern because it doesn't matter. Once you tell yourself it doesn't matter and who cares?, previous jealous and envious thoughts disappear.

    Loving oneself is a mindset. Once Marshmellow12 becomes more of an independent thinker and focuses on her own happiness and well-being, those feelings of jealousy and envy regarding whom her SIL associates with, schmoozes with or socializes with is handled with feelings of pure indifference. Indifference represents security and being comfortable within one's own skin.

    When a person loves him or herself, it's like saying to the other person in their mind, "Go knock yourself out, see if I care. I'm very busy with my own life." For example, if she's jealous and envious of her SIL fraternizing with her mutual family and friends, that should be met with feelings of indifference. Since she has no control over co-mingling, just keep a cool head and like yourself better because it's a sign of security. Go your own way and don't allow feelings of jealousy and envy rob your right to enjoy your happy life.

    People who don't put enough stock in themselves are insecure and have a tendency to become easily irritated, agitated, insecure, jealous and envious. Remember that those whom you are jealous and envious of have something you don't have. You don't know if they demonstrate and show the world only what you're allowed to see about them while they deliberately hide or conceal their deep seeded pain, haunted pasts, perhaps they were traumatized, embroiled in a tumultuous personal life, hail from broken, dysfunctional, toxic families, sustained poor health, financial struggle and relentless hardship. Those feelings of jealousy and envy are unfounded and unwarranted. Learn to count your blessings and be grateful. Your stewing jealous and envious feelings will go away.

    When you love yourself, you shift focus away from others whom you're jealous and envious of and concentrate on your blessed life.

    It's not about doing something in order to elevate one's self worth. It's changing your psychological way of thinking in order to have a new perspective so you're not preoccupied with people who could care less about you. They're certainly not jealous and envious of you so why should you bother being jealous and envious of them? People are very busy living their own lives and surviving so do the same. Indifference is good because thinking less of others is less stressful and you'll make your angst disappear.

    Feelings of jealousy and envy only eats you up and it's so unnecessary. It's better to let it go and not allow feelings of jealousy and envy get a grip on your life.

    This is why it's important to love yourself more and give yourself a mental break. Be kind to yourself meaning don't cause undue stress upon oneself. When you love yourself and when you're kind to yourself, you're giving yourself self-respect and you will find peace and security from within. This is how you reign in control and become a joyous person. Bitterness and resentment will go away when you change and you start by giving yourself the power of positive thinking.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    When I refer to loving oneself, I meant that it's doing some soul searching and appreciating yourself for who you are as opposed to preoccupying yourself regarding what others are doing, whom they associate with or socialize with and how their lives are.

    When I said not to make other people more important than yourself, I meant not to focus on their lives and instead focus on your own and telling the OP, Marshmellow12, that everyone needs to mind their own business. People are too busy poking around and up in each others business and so much so that you forget about concentrating on yourself and your own life.

    You do it by having an attitude adjustment and learning to think a different way instead of worrying and fretting what other people are doing 24 / 7. It should be none of Marhmellow12 nor anyone's concern because it doesn't matter. Once you tell yourself it doesn't matter and who cares?, previous jealous and envious thoughts disappear.

    Loving oneself is a mindset. Once Marshmellow12 becomes more of an independent thinker and focuses on her own happiness and well-being, those feelings of jealousy and envy regarding whom her SIL associates with, schmoozes with or socializes with is handled with feelings of pure indifference. Indifference represents security and being comfortable within one's own skin.

    When a person loves him or herself, it's like saying to the other person in their mind, "Go knock yourself out, see if I care. I'm very busy with my own life." For example, if she's jealous and envious of her SIL fraternizing with her mutual family and friends, that should be met with feelings of indifference. Since she has no control over co-mingling, just keep a cool head and like yourself better because it's a sign of security. Go your own way and don't allow feelings of jealousy and envy rob your right to enjoy your happy life.

    People who don't put enough stock in themselves are insecure and have a tendency to become easily irritated, agitated, insecure, jealous and envious. Remember that those whom you are jealous and envious of have something you don't have. You don't know if they demonstrate and show the world only what you're allowed to see about them while they deliberately hide or conceal their deep seeded pain, haunted pasts, perhaps they were traumatized, embroiled in a tumultuous personal life, hail from broken, dysfunctional, toxic families, sustained poor health, financial struggle and relentless hardship. Those feelings of jealousy and envy are unfounded and unwarranted. Learn to count your blessings and be grateful. Your stewing jealous and envious feelings will go away.

    When you love yourself, you shift focus away from others whom you're jealous and envious of and concentrate on your blessed life.

    It's not about doing something in order to elevate one's self worth. It's changing your psychological way of thinking in order to have a new perspective so you're not preoccupied with people who could care less about you. They're certainly not jealous and envious of you so why should you bother being jealous and envious of them? People are very busy living their own lives and surviving so do the same. Indifference is good because thinking less of others is less stressful and you'll make your angst disappear.

    Feelings of jealousy and envy only eats you up and it's so unnecessary. It's better to let it go and not allow feelings of jealousy and envy get a grip on your life.

    This is why it's important to love yourself more and give yourself a mental break. Be kind to yourself meaning don't cause undue stress upon oneself. When you love yourself and when you're kind to yourself, you're giving yourself self-respect and you will find peace and security from within. This is how you reign in control and become a joyous person. Bitterness and resentment will go away when you change and you start by giving yourself the power of positive thinking.
    I completely agree! For me that kind of shift also involves actions and specific steps and mantras - whatever works sometimes- when for me personally I just think about the broader notion it doesn't resonate as much for me. For me it wouldn't be about "elevating" my self worth but specific actions and steps that reaffirm my self-worth. I have personal things I do (and don't do I guess!) and those concrete actions and self-talk specific to who I am help in the process you describe. For others it might work to think of it more broadly! Whatever works.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I completely agree! For me that kind of shift also involves actions and specific steps and mantras - whatever works sometimes- when for me personally I just think about the broader notion it doesn't resonate as much for me. For me it wouldn't be about "elevating" my self worth but specific actions and steps that reaffirm my self-worth. I have personal things I do (and don't do I guess!) and those concrete actions and self-talk specific to who I am help in the process you describe. For others it might work to think of it more broadly! Whatever works.
    Yes, whatever works. Thanks Batya33.

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