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Thread: This is stupid but I canít stop

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Marshmellow12
    Itís the same person Iím talking about- I donít have problems with everyone.
    I thought there issues with his family and your colleagues?

  2. #12
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Firstly. it's not IRRATIONAL to not like them. So stop beating yourself up for not liking her. It's okay to not like people. In fact many people don't deserved to be liked these days lol.
    Part 2 is the more important part though... to be jealous of her because you don't like her. This part is what you should work on and concern yourself with. It's hard - because it's against human nature to not get jealous or mad when somebdoy you see as a bad person and dislikeable person is "getting away with it" and yo udon't know why (welcome to the modern world.... happens all over the place...)

    The best thing all of us can learn in our lifetime is to LET IT GO.... to let things go... and to not worry about anybody else - be it how they think of us, treat us, or how their life is going compared to ours (because that is exactly what this is.. you're getting frustrated because somebody you see as being a lesser person and less deseving than you for the attention they get.. IS GETTING IT and getting away with it.... how can this be?).

    so.. learn to let go of thing.
    learn to NOT care about others opinions or how other people are doing.
    just focus on you, your world, and making your world the best one you can. Doesn't matter what's going on elsewhere.

    Once you can do that.. LIFE GETS WAY EASIER... and better.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    Firstly. it's not IRRATIONAL to not like them. So stop beating yourself up for not liking her. It's okay to not like people. In fact many people don't deserved to be liked these days lol.
    Part 2 is the more important part though... to be jealous of her because you don't like her. This part is what you should work on and concern yourself with. It's hard - because it's against human nature to not get jealous or mad when somebdoy you see as a bad person and dislikeable person is "getting away with it" and yo udon't know why (welcome to the modern world.... happens all over the place...)

    The best thing all of us can learn in our lifetime is to LET IT GO.... to let things go... and to not worry about anybody else - be it how they think of us, treat us, or how their life is going compared to ours (because that is exactly what this is.. you're getting frustrated because somebody you see as being a lesser person and less deseving than you for the attention they get.. IS GETTING IT and getting away with it.... how can this be?).

    so.. learn to let go of thing.
    learn to NOT care about others opinions or how other people are doing.
    just focus on you, your world, and making your world the best one you can. Doesn't matter what's going on elsewhere.

    Once you can do that.. LIFE GETS WAY EASIER... and better.
    Everything you said is so true! Makes sense. I wish I could just turn my feelings off.

  4. #14
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    Well it's common to feel jealousy but when it's irrational (which yours is) is when you need to try to work on it. I'm not religious but I like the serenity prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." If you don't like your sister-in-law, that's how you feel. But you can't control how other people feel about her. Nor should you be trying to control other people. You are only responsible for your own life and your own feelings. Also I'm not sure what your sister-in-law has actually done, but some people are more forgiving than others and maybe other people don't have as much of an issue with what she did. That's actually up to them to decide if they still want to continue interacting with her or not.

    I think what you do have the power to change is your own thoughts and feelings. The best course of action with people you don't like is probably just to keep your distance, be polite when you see them and not concern yourself too much with that person and what other people think of them. And to be realistic too that not everyone likes everyone. So while you don't like someone, they can actually still be liked by other people. And also we are all human and make mistakes so in some cases even those people deserve a second chance. If you don't want to give them a chance that is totally up to you. But it's not really your place to try to control other people's decisions.

    I agree that if you didn't find your previous therapist helpful, you need to look for a new one. But at the end of the day it's also your responsibility to work on your issues. If you're not working on them then even a therapist can't just wave a magic wand and make it go away.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Hey Marshmellow12, I could've written this! My sister and SIL (husband's sister) are sugary syrupy sweet to each other, text at random and whenever SIL is back in town, my sister arranges restaurant gatherings for both sides of the family tree. Gag.

    My sister is FB friends with my husband's side of the family. They're all chummier than I am with my own sister.

    Initially, I felt jealous / envious but those feelings stopped inside me because I feel secure and content with my own life with my husband and sons. If they want to co-mingle, I say, "Have at as you please." I could care less. Go knock yourself out. I'd rather take a nap instead!

    Change the way you think. Get busy enjoying and living your own life. Don't be preoccupied with others anymore. Mind your own business as they should mind their own business, too. Do what you enjoy, surround yourself with people who treat you with respect and kindness and do your own thing. This is what I do. Be strong and then nothing will bother you anymore. It works for me as it will work for you, too. Don't care!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    When I don't like someone, I WANT other people to like them. I've since changed the way I think. When the focus is on them or each other and what they're doing, I go in the opposite direction and enjoy my own life.

    I have plenty to do. I enjoy my immediate family with husband and sons. I've since drastically improved my health, workout, eat right, lost weight, feel great, get together with GREAT friends who treat me with utmost respect and kindness and immerse myself into my new hobby which is cooking high cuisine. I could care less about my sister, her husband (my BIL - bro-in-law) being chummy with my SIL (sis-in-law- husband's sister). I say go for it! Who cares? I'm too busy enjoying my own life.

    You won't feel jealous, envious nor angry anymore once you learn to LOVE YOURSELF MORE AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF. This is the secret and then all your insecurities will vanish.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    When I don't like someone, I WANT other people to like them. I've since changed the way I think. When the focus is on them or each other and what they're doing, I go in the opposite direction and enjoy my own life.

    I have plenty to do. I enjoy my immediate family with husband and sons. I've since drastically improved my health, workout, eat right, lost weight, feel great, get together with GREAT friends who treat me with utmost respect and kindness and immerse myself into my new hobby which is cooking high cuisine. I could care less about my sister, her husband (my BIL - bro-in-law) being chummy with my SIL (sis-in-law- husband's sister). I say go for it! Who cares? I'm too busy enjoying my own life.

    You won't feel jealous, envious nor angry anymore once you learn to LOVE YOURSELF MORE AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF. This is the secret and then all your insecurities will vanish.
    Thank you! This was so helpful. I do need to work on loving myself more. I have had low self-esteem and insecurities for most of my life. Maybe I should start there and then the other issues will go away. Thanks!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    If you unfollow the lady you dont like on FB you wont see her posts. This will go a long way to feeling better!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Marshmellow12
    Thank you! This was so helpful. I do need to work on loving myself more. I have had low self-esteem and insecurities for most of my life. Maybe I should start there and then the other issues will go away. Thanks!
    Yes, most definitely start now. You you have to start somewhere so it might as well be today and now. LOVE YOURSELF MORE AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF. GIVE YOURSELF SELF-RESPECT. You will become secure when you begin to shift focus away from others and onto YOURSELF. Do what you enjoy, surround yourself with upstanding, moral people, enjoy independence and solitude, too.

    Take outstanding care of your health because there's an absolute healthy body, sound mind condition.

    You will begin to think positively about yourself and realize you're more important than they are. You won't let everything grate on your nerves anymore. Change the way you think. Release your negative energy. Let it flow out of your body.

    Find peace from within and concentrate on your health. Stewing over other people is mentally unhealthy for you. Think about this: They're NOT expending any thoughts about you so why should you give them the time of day?

    Develop high self confidence, high self esteem and high self worth. After that, you will feel secure and you won't let other people and their associations bother you anymore. You've got better things to do in your life than fret over them. They could care less about you so you should return the favor and focus on enjoying your own life to the hilt.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Pick you battles. She can talk to whoever she wants and they can respond in kind. If you want to cut your nose off to spite your face and be mad at them because they communicate with her, that's your issue. Please consider the worst problem of all regarding your husband and in-laws : [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Marshmellow12
    my sister in law and I used to be close. She did some shady things and I no longer trust her or like her.

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