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Thread: He keeps making vague comments about meeting up but no actual plans

  1. #1
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    He keeps making vague comments about meeting up but no actual plans

    So this guy that I went to high school with messaged me on Instagram almost a month ago. I had posted a picture of my vacation and he went there before so we chatted for a bit and then exchanged numbers. We werenít friends in school, different friend group and different classes but knew of each other.

    We have been texting with each other every day since I came back from my trip. He has made several comments about seeing each other but never made a plan. After one comment I asked him to grab a drink after work and he said he couldnít because he had a family thing. Since then he made another comment about wanting to see me but heís been very busy lately. I had thought that he just wasnít interested but he still texts me every day. Do I try one more time to ask him? Or just pull back?

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    Do not ask him again.

    I would not respond to the texting as much, either.

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    It sounds like heís only looking for a texting buddy.

    The next time he texts you, Iíd wait a bit before responding and Iíd say something along the lines of, ďIím finding it super busy these days. But hey, if you want to discuss all of this in person let me know when youíre freeĒ.

    If he gets back to you with a proposed plan to meet-up, great. If he doesnít, I wouldnít bother responding to any more of his texts because heís only looking for a pen-pal and isnít serious about getting to know you in person.

    Donít let this guy waste your time.

    Been there, done that.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He's unavailable. Why? Who knows. But that's all you need to focus on. Limit your time being his electronic entertainment. Tell him is he ever has time to meet up, to let you know. Otherwise, get busy with your life.

    Honestly, the thing that comes to mind is he has a girl friend.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Yes, there's usually one or two reasons for a guy paying attention to you like this without an invite. Either he has a gf or wife and is crossing boundaries with this sort of communication, but he's not willing to cross the big boundary, or, he's just not that into you, but likes the ego boost that you're wanting a date with him, and it's a fun distraction for him to chat with a fan.

    I'd set a personal time period that he has to ask you out by, no more than 2 weeks from now, and if he doesn't, you can either delete/block his number without explanation, or tell him that you're really not into text buddies--that you only have so much time in your day, and that you choose to spend it on longterm friends you regularly get together with, and potential dates.

    No, I wouldn't ask him out again. You made the effort. The ball is in his court. I really don't think he'll follow through, though. A smart guy who is right for you will want to snap you up before anybody else has the chance. Hold out for someone who makes that happen.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If he actually wanted to meet up with you, he would have already arranged it. It's that simple. Vague words mean nothing. Look at actions.

    Even if he is shy and unsure, when you asked him, you gave him a flashing green light and opportunity to meet you. He rejected you. I say rejected because even if he was genuinely busy and not able to meet you that night, he had a perfect chance to suggest another concrete day and time. He did not. There is a term for what he is doing - stringing you along. Why? Who knows. Better question - is this how you want to be treated? I hope not. Stop wasting your time flattering his ego and take away a lesson from this - pay attention to what the guy is doing...or not doing in this case.

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    It happens in platonic context too. Women who claim to want new friends but canít be bothered to make specific plans. Waste of time if you want more than a text buddy. By contrast - real life example - met a woman at an event who is new in town. We exchanged contact info. I called her last week. She said lets put something on the calendar and if we have to reschedule we willThirty seconds later we had a plan for this Friday for coffee time and place. To me that is how it should work if youíre serious about meeting up in person.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you're more open the the idea of building a friendship with an old highschool classmate, that's fine (wouldn't place too much importance, just wait for him to come back at you when he's free). If you're looking for a man to date, he seems a bit busy to be preoccupied with dating. It's usually good form to come back with a counteroffer after declining someone's offer. If he wasn't ready to do that, it's fairly clear sign he's too busy or isn't as interested as he first appears.

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    Are you sure you're not getting the wrong idea? You seem interested in him as more than friends and you have the impression he's interested in you too? That might not be the case...Often people contact people from high school largely out of curiosity and to "spy" on that person. To see what they've been up to since school, where do they work, are they married, where do they live. I recently had a girl I only briefly hung out with at school back in 1998, then moved away, find and request me on Facebook. She even lives in another state but she just said: "I just thought of *the country I'm from* and thought of you and wondered what you were up to!"

    Sometimes people from our past contact us for curiosity's sake. They might not even be that hugely interested in a platonic friendship with us, let alone romance. I think you can see here that this guy is not that keen to meet you. I would say he's not that interested even to meet as friends but certainly his interest is not romantic because if it was, he'd be showing it.

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    I guess I assumed there was some interest ( friendship or romantic) because he was the one who said the first comment about getting together. And then just other things he said..he texted me on a Monday to see what I was up to and when I said I was watching the Bachelor, he replied that he doesnít like those shows but would watch them with me. I mentioned that I needed to go shopping for fall decor and he said he did too and we should go together. He also sends me selfies, him at the gym and one at work and another at the beach.

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