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Thread: Am I wrong?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    In either of these post do you explain what led to breakdown to begin with. That might help explain why your wife feels so disconnected to you and without that connection she doesn't feel sexually motivated.

    Nature is a little unfair at times. Men often need sex to feel connected, while women need to be connected to feel sexual.

    Have you two been to marriage counseling?
    Thatís because neither of us actually know. It was a build up of things. Silly things that should never had erupted into what it did. We could have talked it out better and we both agree but as I mentioned above I had just started a new job with a totally different shift pattern than I had ever worked in my life. It was destroying me trying to adjust so my mind and body was a train wreck trying to adjust.

    She wasnít interested in counselling as I did arrange this and had to cancel.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    This is a start. New jobs take time to adjust to. You should never be ashamed of your job or shift work especially if it means paying the bills and ensuring your family and you get to eat. If the issues were financial in any way, don't be afraid to engage with someone who can help with sorting any difficulties or planning ahead especially when it comes to paying down debt and securing your assets from further risk. Her aversion to sex is bizarre and we may break it down into either/or/both: 1) physical discomfort severe enough to cause her to avoid sex or 2) psychological issues regarding sex or physical intimacy.

    You're not her GP or her psychologist so I'd refrain from working out why her reactions are this way. It appears that she's shot down or refused counselling or marriage counselling. She may be inadvertently or purposely controlling you. You need to decide whether this relationship is fulfilling enough for you going forward and create better/healthier ways of managing your expectations if you choose to stay.
    Thank you, it does take time to adjust and is now only starting to feel normal after 9 months working there. This is something I donít think my wife understood, that it was knocking the crap out me trying to work the new hours. I only took the job to try help us have a little more money but Iím not here to bash anybody.

    My main worry is the fact that my wife has always acted so strangely towards sex and anything related to it. I canít talk about it she canít watch it on tv it very strange but she has been known to have her moments in the bedroom.
    I am just worried that the fact she has had this strange attitude towards it has it finally came to an end for her as she wonít tell me. I might be selfish but surely she knows why?

  3. #13
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    Iím not here to bash on my wife and her feelings Iím just trying to get some understanding or answers.

    I guess Iím asking other women is this normal behaviour, has anybody/does anybody act like this towards sex and intimacy?

    Iím worried that my wifeís strange behaviour over the years regarding anything sexual has now came to an end and itís all over for her as she wonít tell or give me a reason,,,,,,should she be able too??

    Iím also worried her behaviour may rub off onto our daughter and I really donít want this and neither does my wife as she has said so much but how can she avoid this if she canít change.

    Sorry Iím just looking to understand so I know where my head should be at here.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Iím not here to bash on my wife and her feelings Iím just trying to get some understanding or answers.

    I guess Iím asking other women is this normal behaviour, has anybody/does anybody act like this towards sex and intimacy?

    Iím worried that my wifeís strange behaviour over the years regarding anything sexual has now came to an end and itís all over for her as she wonít tell or give me a reason,,,,,,should she be able too??

    Iím also worried her behaviour may rub off onto our daughter and I really donít want this and neither does my wife as she has said so much but how can she avoid this if she canít change.

    Sorry Iím just looking to understand so I know where my head should be at here.
    I think it's strange that you're asking these questions now, 20 years after all the toothpaste fell out of the tube, and I feel like you are baiting the crowd to come up with answers that aren't appropriate given the limited facts or any insight into the dynamics about why this has all come about. Your wife seems immovable in her decision to seek answers so you pushing for answers regarding her situation is really quite useless or moot. A person has to want to uncover those answers for themselves. You should be doing the detective work for yourself but not to the extent that you're that person's responsibility to fix. In other words, it's not your job to fix her. She has to want that for herself.

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  6. #15
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    She's always been like this, so you certainly shouldn't be surprised.

    You reconciled with her knowing this. Did you expect her to suddenly "change"?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    She's always been like this, so you certainly shouldn't be surprised.

    You reconciled with her knowing this. Did you expect her to suddenly "change"?
    She obviously hasnít always been like the way she is just now. As I said above Iím looking to see if anybody else has had a similar issue.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I think it's strange that you're asking these questions now, 20 years after all the toothpaste fell out of the tube, and I feel like you are baiting the crowd to come up with answers that aren't appropriate given the limited facts or any insight into the dynamics about why this has all come about. Your wife seems immovable in her decision to seek answers so you pushing for answers regarding her situation is really quite useless or moot. A person has to want to uncover those answers for themselves. You should be doing the detective work for yourself but not to the extent that you're that person's responsibility to fix. In other words, it's not your job to fix her. She has to want that for herself.
    Iím totally not baiting anybody Iím just looking to see if anybody has a similar experience thatís all.
    Itís a hard situation to try and explain over a keyboard.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    She obviously hasnít always been like the way she is just now. As I said above Iím looking to see if anybody else has had a similar issue.
    You said this:
    "My main worry is the fact that my wife has always acted so strangely towards sex and anything related to it."

    Now you're saying she hasn't always been like this? I'm confused.

    There are others who find sex and anything related to it abhorrent. I used to work with a woman who found sex revolting. She also found women's periods absolutely disgusting. However, she had been raped so it made sense.

    Was your wife the victim of a sex crime?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Iím totally not baiting anybody Iím just looking to see if anybody has a similar experience thatís all.
    Itís a hard situation to try and explain over a keyboard.
    Timeout74, i haven't read any of your other threads but this one so i don't have a clear view of what's all transpired. however, based on your need to see if anyone else has been through this i wanted to respond.

    my husband and i are in a failing marriage currently but one thing that is not a problem is intimacy. in fact, it makes things difficult because we are so drawn to one another. he's the one who is considering ending the marriage, not me. still i struggle to turn him down when he wants sex because we both enjoy each other so much. we have an unbelievable connection when we have sex.

    in fact, it's probably our one major positive of our marriage. just this weekend he said he never wanted to stop having sex with me because it makes him feel closer to me. i wasn't sure what to think of that since he's the one considering ending our marriage.

    have you and your wife ever had any strong chemistry physically?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You said this:
    "My main worry is the fact that my wife has always acted so strangely towards sex and anything related to it."

    Now you're saying she hasn't always been like this? I'm confused.

    There are others who find sex and anything related to it abhorrent. I used to work with a woman who found sex revolting. She also found women's periods absolutely disgusting. However, she had been raped so it made sense.

    Was your wife the victim of a sex crime?
    Sorry Iím finding it hard to explain the full situation. My wife has always been funny about sex but it was in a way that I could live with but the way she is at the moment and has been the past 7/8 months is not her usual self about the situation.

    She hasnít been a victim of a sex crime though. Thanks.

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