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Thread: Proceed or call it quits?...

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Sweet!

    I don't think two hours is a big deal, and someone who has a plan for themselves is always attractive. Assuming she's staying in the same area—i.e. not saving to buy a home on the other side of the country—I say feel it out, have fun.
    Hahaha.. i agree... well ill see how it goes.. thanks everyone for the advice.. pretty excited about this one..

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Sixersfan234
    shes 28. She makes pretty good money, but I didn't ask her why she still lives at home.. I think its because shes saving to buy House.
    In my neck of the woods, living with parents yields an automatic rejection 99% of the time. This used to get on my nerves and I would counter that with "My parents live with me", because I paid the full ride for the whole household. Actually, interacting with parents was and is still frowned upon in my community; but it's all good when these geniuses get fired and have 1000 dollars to their name and then come quietly crawling back to their parents' house. I live alone now, my own house, my own everything, but I won't lie, being looked upon as a victim degenerate for living in the same house as my parents, didn't go unnoticed. Anyway, small aside.

    2 hours could be a lot, could be a little. The probability of success is inversely proportional with distance. As the distance grows, every time you want to me up, it becomes a whole event. There can be 10 things which can come up which will destroy your plans. If you're close by to each other, those reasons and excuses don't hold a lot of weight. This is why I personally will not spend more than 45 minutes each way. I can understand if you live in some rural community where the closest neighbor is 10 miles away; otherwise, I don't see the reason, a lot of investment which can be rendered useless very quickly. Relationships are difficult enough without the extra logistics of travel and all that goes along with it.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by asalways
    In my neck of the woods, living with parents yields an automatic rejection 99% of the time. This used to get on my nerves and I would counter that with "My parents live with me", because I paid the full ride for the whole household. Actually, interacting with parents was and is still frowned upon in my community; but it's all good when these geniuses get fired and have 1000 dollars to their name and then come quietly crawling back to their parents' house. I live alone now, my own house, my own everything, but I won't lie, being looked upon as a victim degenerate for living in the same house as my parents, didn't go unnoticed. Anyway, small aside.

    2 hours could be a lot, could be a little. The probability of success is inversely proportional with distance. As the distance grows, every time you want to me up, it becomes a whole event. There can be 10 things which can come up which will destroy your plans. If you're close by to each other, those reasons and excuses don't hold a lot of weight. This is why I personally will not spend more than 45 minutes each way. I can understand if you live in some rural community where the closest neighbor is 10 miles away; otherwise, I don't see the reason, a lot of investment which can be rendered useless very quickly. Relationships are difficult enough without the extra logistics of travel and all that goes along with it.
    You make a good point. I just remembered that every time her and i want to see each other we would have to get a hotel room. That could get annoying :/

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sixersfan234
    You make a good point. I just remembered that every time her and i want to see each other we would have to get a hotel room. That could get annoying :/
    I wouldn't get too caught up in trying to imagine what a full-on relationship with her would look like, since that's a thing you end up building together, and instead just focus on whether a two hour drive is worth seeing a little bit more of what's up between the two of you and if you can imagine yourself driving two hours here and there while dating someone. Should things click and really get going, she'll be coming to you too and, in time, you'd be welcome in her place. And should it all become a bit confusing and cumbersome—well, you'll learn that pretty quickly. Besides, hotel rooms are fun!

    When I met my girlfriend she lived, with LA traffic, an average of 1.5 hours from me. I can navigate all that fast because I ride a motorcycle and can slip between the cars, but alas: she was living in a situation that meant I couldn't go to hers often—a roommate with kids, and the two of them had a rule that no men, save serious partners, could be in the house with their kids. As a child of a single mother, I thought that rule was sensible in a way that made her more attractive to me; as a guy hoping to date her it could have been problematic.

    Except it wasn't. It was, and 8 months later remains, a whole lot of fun. Had you told me about all those variables in the abstract it would have sounded overwhelming; in actuality it just...worked, which I only learned by giving it a go. Had I not been open to dating someone with a kid—well, it would be different. But I was. So if you're open to dating someone two hours away, by which I mean open to just exploring it—well, explore away, one step at a time.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I hope you're talking about your friend's gf's friend, not the friend's gf. lol..

    Two hours wouldn't cut it for me and I live in Vancouver where traffic is not the greatest and there's a bridge or two almost everywhere you want to go (we have a lot of bridges which are often heavy with traffic). I think you should think about what works for you as different people will approach commuting differently also depending on what existing commitments they have or their schedules. In other words, it's relative. I wouldn't do it if your town or city is populated enough and there are plenty of people to meet. She would be one out of many and if I were you, I'd be more inclined meeting women closer to you.

    If you think this is something you'd like to try, be open from the get-go about meeting half way if you can foresee scheduling or time being an issue. If you sense some resistance on taking turns commuting or meeting half way, I'd figure out whether either of you have a realistic idea of what that distance is like. Having commuted quite a bit in previous relationships and being the driver, I can tell you distance can create resentment and difficulties if you are not open about sharing that commute from the start or having some kind of loose agreement or idea about how far the other is willing to go for an extended period. I'd take it slow and see how things work out for the first two to three months and go from there.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Realistically, 2 hrs is a big deal. Any time there is hassle, time-consuming driving, public transportation (bus / train / subway / Uber), expensive travel back 'n forth and less time to be together due to inconvenience, it's already in the LDR (long distance relationship) category. Most LDR's fail for obvious reasons.

    She lives with her parents which is understandable whether she's saving to buy her own house, paying off debts or whatever reason. I did the same regarding saving my money before moving out to get married.

    She wants you to get a room at a hotel or motel. Cha-ching$$$$. Can you afford this expense every time you have to drive 2 hrs just to see her?

    You need to reconsider and determine if this relationship will be practical or not. Be realistic and sensible.

    I'd call it quits. Why waste your time to see how it goes? You already know what it will entail for you to see her. It will be a pain in the neck to have anything to do with her.

    Be with a local woman. It's easier, less expensive in the long run and more convenient.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Realistically, 2 hrs is a big deal. Any time there is hassle, time-consuming driving, public transportation (bus / train / subway / Uber), expensive travel back 'n forth and less time to be together due to inconvenience, it's already in the LDR (long distance relationship) category. Most LDR's fail for obvious reasons.

    She lives with her parents which is understandable whether she's saving to buy her own house, paying off debts or whatever reason. I did the same regarding saving my money before moving out to get married.

    She wants you to get a room at a hotel or motel. Cha-ching$$$$. Can you afford this expense every time you have to drive 2 hrs just to see her?

    You need to reconsider and determine if this relationship will be practical or not. Be realistic and sensible.

    I'd call it quits. Why waste your time to see how it goes? You already know what it will entail for you to see her. It will be a pain in the neck to have anything to do with her.

    Be with a local woman. It's easier, less expensive in the long run and more convenient.
    Yea. 2 hours is pretty big. Ill still see how things go, but I'm not going to put all of my time and energy in this girl. Ill still continue to see other woman, because after all her and i are not in a committed relationship.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If you meet in the middle for a date, that's only an hour. Schedule a nice brunch, then walk it off together. You'll learn more about whether each of you are interested enough to do it again after that.

    Dating isn't about planning a whole future together, it's about learning. So, date and learn!

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