Proceed or call it quits?...

So about a week ago I went to the beach with my friend, his GF and her friend. From the moment her and I met it was instant attraction. She has a lot of qualities I look for in a women. She has a good attitude. She's goal driven. She likes to eat healthy and workout, just to name a few. The only problem is that she lives 2 hours away. That's pretty far in my opinion, but she seems like a really cool girl. She mentioned that if I came to visit her, that I would have to get a room, because she doesn't want to throw me to the fire with meeting her parents to soon, which is understandable. She mentioned that she wants to take her time, which again I agree. Its just the distance though. I thought that maybe she can drive down to my area as well. Should I see how this goes, or call it quits?.....

2 hours can work if it is meant to be. I would go for it! But if it gets serious one of you may have to move...

I dunno....she's putting up so many barriers already and you are not even out of the gate yet. And ya you will be the one that would have to move...I know she won't be committed to doing it. Dude she is already calling the shots....yer nuts should be going "eeek!".

I dunno....she's putting up so many barriers already and you are not even out of the gate yet. And ya you will be the one that would have to move...I know she won't be committed to doing it. Dude she is already calling the shots....yer nuts should be going "eeek!".

I dunno... she requested 1 thing and gave her preference for another... I wouldn't call that calling the shots.

I dunno... she requested 1 thing and gave her preference for another... I wouldn't call that calling the shots.

Yea, I agree with Camber. I wouldn't say she's "Calling the Shots"... hell I don't want her to meet my family either.. not this soon anyway, and I will NOT be moving to her.. She would have to move my way.. more to do around my area.

Hey it's just my feeling about it...time will tell right? best of luck.

Two hours ain't the worst. In L.A., where I live, that's sometimes a six mile drive.

That said, she's still living at home? No judgement—assuming she's age-appropriate—but that's often the sign of someone who is a transitional moment in life. It can be hard to figure out what's what with someone who doesn't quite know what's what with themselves. Is she planning on moving out soon?

Two hours ain't the worst. In L.A., where I live, that's sometimes a six mile drive.

 

That said, she's still living at home? No judgement—assuming she's age-appropriate—but that's often the sign of someone who is a transitional moment in life. It can be hard to figure out what's what with someone who doesn't quite know what's what with themselves. Is she planning on moving out soon?

shes 28. She makes pretty good money, but I didn't ask her why she still lives at home.. I think its because shes saving to buy House.

I think saving for a house is perfectly legit reason for living at home.

Or saving money to pay off school loans, or debt, there are so many reasons.

Please try and refrain from making assumptions as the previous poster suggested, get to know her and find out what she's all about for yourself.

shes 28. She makes pretty good money, but I didn't ask her why she still lives at home.. I think its because shes saving to buy House.

Sweet!

I don't think two hours is a big deal, and someone who has a plan for themselves is always attractive. Assuming she's staying in the same area—i.e. not saving to buy a home on the other side of the country—I say feel it out, have fun.

Sweet!

 

I don't think two hours is a big deal, and someone who has a plan for themselves is always attractive. Assuming she's staying in the same area—i.e. not saving to buy a home on the other side of the country—I say feel it out, have fun.

shes 28. She makes pretty good money, but I didn't ask her why she still lives at home.. I think its because shes saving to buy House.

In my neck of the woods, living with parents yields an automatic rejection 99% of the time. This used to get on my nerves and I would counter that with "My parents live with me", because I paid the full ride for the whole household. Actually, interacting with parents was and is still frowned upon in my community; but it's all good when these geniuses get fired and have 1000 dollars to their name and then come quietly crawling back to their parents' house. I live alone now, my own house, my own everything, but I won't lie, being looked upon as a victim degenerate for living in the same house as my parents, didn't go unnoticed. Anyway, small aside.

2 hours could be a lot, could be a little. The probability of success is inversely proportional with distance. As the distance grows, every time you want to me up, it becomes a whole event. There can be 10 things which can come up which will destroy your plans. If you're close by to each other, those reasons and excuses don't hold a lot of weight. This is why I personally will not spend more than 45 minutes each way. I can understand if you live in some rural community where the closest neighbor is 10 miles away; otherwise, I don't see the reason, a lot of investment which can be rendered useless very quickly. Relationships are difficult enough without the extra logistics of travel and all that goes along with it.

In my neck of the woods, living with parents yields an automatic rejection 99% of the time. This used to get on my nerves and I would counter that with "My parents live with me", because I paid the full ride for the whole household. Actually, interacting with parents was and is still frowned upon in my community; but it's all good when these geniuses get fired and have 1000 dollars to their name and then come quietly crawling back to their parents' house. I live alone now, my own house, my own everything, but I won't lie, being looked upon as a victim degenerate for living in the same house as my parents, didn't go unnoticed. Anyway, small aside.

 

2 hours could be a lot, could be a little. The probability of success is inversely proportional with distance. As the distance grows, every time you want to me up, it becomes a whole event. There can be 10 things which can come up which will destroy your plans. If you're close by to each other, those reasons and excuses don't hold a lot of weight. This is why I personally will not spend more than 45 minutes each way. I can understand if you live in some rural community where the closest neighbor is 10 miles away; otherwise, I don't see the reason, a lot of investment which can be rendered useless very quickly. Relationships are difficult enough without the extra logistics of travel and all that goes along with it.

You make a good point. I just remembered that every time her and i want to see each other we would have to get a hotel room. That could get annoying :/

I wouldn't get too caught up in trying to imagine what a full-on relationship with her would look like, since that's a thing you end up building together, and instead just focus on whether a two hour drive is worth seeing a little bit more of what's up between the two of you and if you can imagine yourself driving two hours here and there while dating someone. Should things click and really get going, she'll be coming to you too and, in time, you'd be welcome in her place. And should it all become a bit confusing and cumbersome—well, you'll learn that pretty quickly. Besides, hotel rooms are fun!

When I met my girlfriend she lived, with LA traffic, an average of 1.5 hours from me. I can navigate all that fast because I ride a motorcycle and can slip between the cars, but alas: she was living in a situation that meant I couldn't go to hers often—a roommate with kids, and the two of them had a rule that no men, save serious partners, could be in the house with their kids. As a child of a single mother, I thought that rule was sensible in a way that made her more attractive to me; as a guy hoping to date her it could have been problematic.

Except it wasn't. It was, and 8 months later remains, a whole lot of fun. Had you told me about all those variables in the abstract it would have sounded overwhelming; in actuality it just...worked, which I only learned by giving it a go. Had I not been open to dating someone with a kid—well, it would be different. But I was. So if you're open to dating someone two hours away, by which I mean open to just exploring it—well, explore away, one step at a time.

I hope you're talking about your friend's gf's friend, not the friend's gf. lol..

Two hours wouldn't cut it for me and I live in Vancouver where traffic is not the greatest and there's a bridge or two almost everywhere you want to go (we have a lot of bridges which are often heavy with traffic). I think you should think about what works for you as different people will approach commuting differently also depending on what existing commitments they have or their schedules. In other words, it's relative. I wouldn't do it if your town or city is populated enough and there are plenty of people to meet. She would be one out of many and if I were you, I'd be more inclined meeting women closer to you.

If you think this is something you'd like to try, be open from the get-go about meeting half way if you can foresee scheduling or time being an issue. If you sense some resistance on taking turns commuting or meeting half way, I'd figure out whether either of you have a realistic idea of what that distance is like. Having commuted quite a bit in previous relationships and being the driver, I can tell you distance can create resentment and difficulties if you are not open about sharing that commute from the start or having some kind of loose agreement or idea about how far the other is willing to go for an extended period. I'd take it slow and see how things work out for the first two to three months and go from there.

Realistically, 2 hrs is a big deal. Any time there is hassle, time-consuming driving, public transportation (bus / train / subway / Uber), expensive travel back 'n forth and less time to be together due to inconvenience, it's already in the LDR (long distance relationship) category. Most LDR's fail for obvious reasons.

She lives with her parents which is understandable whether she's saving to buy her own house, paying off debts or whatever reason. I did the same regarding saving my money before moving out to get married.

She wants you to get a room at a hotel or motel. Cha-ching$$$$. Can you afford this expense every time you have to drive 2 hrs just to see her?

You need to reconsider and determine if this relationship will be practical or not. Be realistic and sensible.

I'd call it quits. Why waste your time to see how it goes? You already know what it will entail for you to see her. It will be a pain in the neck to have anything to do with her.

Be with a local woman. It's easier, less expensive in the long run and more convenient.

Realistically, 2 hrs is a big deal. Any time there is hassle, time-consuming driving, public transportation (bus / train / subway / Uber), expensive travel back 'n forth and less time to be together due to inconvenience, it's already in the LDR (long distance relationship) category. Most LDR's fail for obvious reasons.

 

She lives with her parents which is understandable whether she's saving to buy her own house, paying off debts or whatever reason. I did the same regarding saving my money before moving out to get married.

 

She wants you to get a room at a hotel or motel. Cha-ching$$$$. Can you afford this expense every time you have to drive 2 hrs just to see her?

 

You need to reconsider and determine if this relationship will be practical or not. Be realistic and sensible.

 

I'd call it quits. Why waste your time to see how it goes? You already know what it will entail for you to see her. It will be a pain in the neck to have anything to do with her.

 

Be with a local woman. It's easier, less expensive in the long run and more convenient.

If you meet in the middle for a date, that's only an hour. Schedule a nice brunch, then walk it off together. You'll learn more about whether each of you are interested enough to do it again after that.

Dating isn't about planning a whole future together, it's about learning. So, date and learn!