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Thread: how can i turn this around?

  1. #11
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    Good heavens, do you ever need a backbone, man.

    This girl invaded your privacy, staged a fight and requested "space." This is an absurd over-reaction and something tells me she had an agenda and was looking for a way out anyway. Perhaps her ex has come back around and she's considering taking him back, and rathet than being honest, tried to blame you for her distance. It is arse-backwards that she is talking about giving you another chance when she hasn't behaved maturely or rationally herself. It is also silly that she's talking marriage and kids in the midst of all this, but it tells me she is young. If not biologically, then emotionally.

    She doesn't want you to convince her you weren't being malicious. That wouldn't serve whatever her real purpose here is and would force her to be honest that she wants out for another reason. Be very wary of people who behave this way, OP. They're not good relationship candidates, which you might just learn the hard way.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JoeyBaga
    In no way am I simply trying to boost my ego. I really don't have an ego. If I wanted to do that I would have moved on and met someone else. Like I said, I genuinely care about this girl. Its not about sex or anything, its about the connection and that we shared. And I find it hard to believe you can go from falling in love with a person to hating them in one day over something as small as this was.
    The thing is that this isn't a small thing. You are seeing for the first time how she handles conflict. She breached your privacy, went through your phone, set you up to fail and attacked and assassinated your character....over what? She did all this on purpose, as in consciously and intentionally. I don't think she is just a fragile flower here, I do think she is the perpetrator and to think otherwise would be a painful mistake on your part.

    I realize that when you have had a seemingly great connection and great relationship, being hit with this kind of behavior is blindsiding and very difficult to process. You want to go back to what was. You want to sweep this all under the rug and pretend it didn't happen...but it did and this is serious stuff and seriously horrible behavior on her end. Is this how you want to be treated?

    As difficult as this is to process, you are seeing the other side of the coin, the dark side. Truth be told, you don't even know what really happened between her and her ex. Manipulative people are very good at making themselves out to be a victim. Perhaps the truth is that her relationship was a conflict filled nightmare because this is how she acts.

    Bottom line is she disrespected you, broke the trust in your relationship, assassinated your character and then went awol. You DO NOT reach out to her ever again. If she ever does, it better be with serious apologies to you and a clear plan forward on what she is doing to control herself and ensure she never ever acts like that again. You also would need to make crystal clear to her that if you give this another shot, she can never act like that again. This is her big one and there isn't a two. If she ever acts out like this again, you'll dump her with extreme prejudice. It's on her to heal this relationship....assuming she even comes back.

    The other part of this is that sometimes people act like this because they already meant to break up with you, but instead of just being civil and kind about it, they have to create a fight, create some reason that makes their partner the bad person so they can break up. It's not healthy, but it happens often. You need to consider this possibility as well.

    I'm sorry you are in a difficult mess. Big internet hugs to you as you sort this out.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry but she sounds like a real barracuda 🦈

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry but she sounds like a real barracuda 🦈
    "..You lying so low in the weeds
    I bet you gonna ambush me
    You'd have me down, down, down on my knees
    Now wouldn't you, Barracuda?"

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    OP, this is exactly how this looks from the outside:

    Her: Do you remember everything you did yesterday?

    You: For the most part, yeah.

    Her: Did you push a red button at all?

    You: No, I donít think so.

    Her: WRONG. The power button on the television remote is red and I saw you watching tv. Youíre a liar! I canít trust you!

    You: Iím sorry, I didnít mean to lie.

    Her: No, I need some space from you. I canít believe youíd do this. Please donít contact me.



    Now do you see how crazy she is??

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    OP, this is exactly how this looks from the outside:

    Her: Do you remember everything you did yesterday?

    You: For the most part, yeah.

    Her: Did you push a red button at all?

    You: No, I donít think so.

    Her: WRONG. The power button on the television remote is red and I saw you watching tv. Youíre a liar! I canít trust you!

    You: Iím sorry, I didnít mean to lie.

    Her: No, I need some space from you. I canít believe youíd do this. Please donít contact me.



    Now do you see how crazy she is??
    You forgot the rest of his part:

    "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please come back!"

    OP, run like the wind. Seriously.

  8. #17
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    Something wrong with this girl! Be glad its over, block and move on!

  9. #18
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    If someone went through my phone without my permission, they'd be shown the door immediately. As they would if they then accused me of betraying them and trying to control who I am or am not speaking to. Man, she's not the one whose trust has been betrayed - you are!

    This is controlling, manipulative behaviour and you have nothing to apologise for. She's mentioned that she likes people who are persistent - in other words, people she can trample all over, secure in the knowledge they'll keep coming back. Don't be that guy.

    Nobody on here knows what's really going on for her as she resists your contact, but you need to see this as the lucky escape it actually is - and run. And don't look back!

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