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Thread: I have a huge crush on a coworker, but i'm married

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by MyTime007
    Thanks a lot for every advice. It is very difficult when u find yourself in a situation like this, since u can not tell anyone, not even your best friend, even though she noticed something is going on. Now I have hope that I will end this, I will be absent from work for a longer period and I think it will clear up my mind.
    Don't call off of work because of him. Go to work and get a backbone. If you continue to have lunch with him, then you should confess to your husband? Don't want to tell your husband you are emotionally cheating on him? then knock it off

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by MyTime007
    I really not even in my dreams plan to dump my husband for this man, I just can't explain how this crush happened, and how did I get to this point
    because you rather play the victim instead of owning up to your actions. That's why

  3. #33
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    Did you think that feeling attracted to another person all stopped with a ring on your finger? Well, it doesn't. The trick to be an emotionally mature person is to recognize that this happens but does not mean disrupting your life over it.

    You do not actively attempt to get more of the attention, you limit contact with whomever is making you twitch. Value your marriage, the one you love.

    OR, you turn this whack fantasy into a destructive force in your life. Cheat, divorce, and STILL have no satisfaction. Deal with your loss of reputation, risk to your physical health (STIs) and finances.

    Would you like your husband to do as you have done?

    I doubt it.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Just limit your interactions with this person and keep the emails to work only, stop responding to text messages. Skipping work isn't going to do anything if he's texting you bedtime stories or sending you photos and selfies of himself while you're at home. Your header mentions this is a crush so enjoy the high and let it go. It's just a crush. Jim there said it pretty well (post #33).

    Any interactions outside of work have to stop. Work conversations at work are obviously ok as long as it's about work and don't go too much into your personal lives. If he's easy on the eyes, admire him from afar for his geometrically fortunate disposition like you would a piece of furniture or a work of art but keep it light and know your boundaries. I suppose I'm lucky as I don't know any man who has my husband's physique, personality, talents or total package so I can't really empathize with you in the feelings you must be going through or what this coworker must represent or the pull he must have. I do actually feel badly for what you're feeling as you must be going through a lot of guilt to create a thread all about it and need to vent. I have to agree with the others about rethinking this and being firm about yourself, exploring what matters to you.

    If you do need to talk to someone or work through issues with a marriage counsellor or a counsellor in general privately, you shouldn't feel ashamed doing that. Do what you have to do to live your best life.

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  6. #35
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    I understand this has become a hard situation to extract yourself from, but a part of you has to realize that's because you've let it get this far. If you honestly tell yourself every day that it's over, maybe try telling your coworker that as well?

    If you really want to help yourself end this, the best thing you could do is confess to your husband. You may be surprised by how facing the negative consequences and abandoning the secrecy will sour the empty allure of this emotional affair.

    Then, you should followup by asking your husband to go to couple's counseling with you. You two obviously need to reconnect with why you fell in love, rededicate yourself to your vows, and explore what's happening in your marriage to allow for this straying.

    I don't want to be hard on you here, but I think you need to face that you're not being hard enough on yourself. You say you "don't know what he wants from you," but of course you do, deep down. You're just enjoying wondering about it, wondering about him. You call this a crush but it's not. If you're single it's a crush, if you're married it's an affair.

    You're on the right track to be asking for help, but the help you want is focused in the wrong direction. Everything you're saying is about this man and precious little about your husband and child. You're at a crucial turning point here where you can choose to refocus your feelings and look for help for your marriage. Please don't ignore what everyone is saying.

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