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Thread: Met a girl I really like, but there's a catch...

  1. #1
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    Met a girl I really like, but there's a catch...

    So about a couple weeks ago I met a girl that i really like. I just turned 30, Shes 25, a college graduate , and has a very solid job. She actually initiated contact with me on social media. One of my best friends doesn't have social media or anything , so she was asking for my number for him since he had just gotten a new phone. Along with the message she said she liked my pictures. I scrolled through her profile and I loved her pictures as well. She's extremely gorgeous and it seems like she travels a lot for work, which really intrigued me. After I told her I like her pictures as well, I struck up an interesting conversation about her work and travels.

    Life was good for a few weeks as we continued to talk and txt. I felt like we truly had a connection immediately!! We both aspire to travel, we have similar music tastes, and she enjoys going to concerts like I do. After talking about her schooling, work, and future aspirations it seemed like she had a really good head on her shoulders, and I was needless to say, infatuated and intrigued. Definitely interested in pursuing something with her. I know she likes me back, as she has told me multiple times that she thinks I'm cute. I asked how she knew my friend and she said that they were just neighbors; I thought nothing of it.

    So yesterday we finally met in person. She was absolutely gorgeous and looked even better in person than in her pics!!!! I was speechless! We hung out for a good portion of the night and hit it off. We watched football, played video games, and I even tried to impress her by playing some songs on guitar. I've been a musician since I was 10, so I felt absolutely confident. Good vibes were in the air, and I could tell that she was happy to finally meet me. The conversation was just as good in person as it was online. Towards the end of the night I walked her back home to her appartment, and she even showed me her place inside for a few mins. We came back outside for one last chat over a cigarette before she went back inside, but before that.....things spiralled downhill very very fast.....

    My friend walked up to the appartment to say bye to her, but then all of a sudden he hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. It was very unexpected, and she had this look on her face as if his gesture was somewhat unwanted. After that I gave her a long goodnight hug, and she complimented me on the scent of my cologne, and said that she looks forward to seeing me again. I was happy, but still a little confused that my friend would kiss her in the forehead.....

    After me and my friend went back inside he had a smirk on his face. I asked what was up with the kiss, and then admits to me that they had sex.......apparently they've been hooking up for weeks, and he told me that she didn't want me to know about it.....not sure if she trying to hide it , or maybe she does actually like me back and actually cares what I would think of her . I felt absolutely crushed, but relieved at the same time that my friend was man enough to tell me face to face. My friend is the type who has no filter, so he went into more explicit detail about their sexual encounters.....I told him I was a little upset because i had been talking to her and i really liked her, and he felt kind of bad....he told me he doesn't wanna be with her and that it meant nothing to him....she seemed like such a good woman, very intelligent with a solid job, a degree, and everything going for her....so I didnt expect that she was the promiscuous type.....I'm looking for something real and I don't want to just hook up.

    As of now, we haven't talked since last night. I was very hesitant to even txt her today. I just dont know what to do....
    Should I just forget about her? Or give her a chance and hear her side of the story?
    (My friend does tend to exaggerate very frequently about his sexual encounters, and tends to stretch the truth)
    I told my friend not to tell her that I know, because I'm curious to see if she will ever tell me, but then again I dont even know if I should even make plans with her again or just drop it all together. I really really like this girl, but I feel very uneasy about the fact that she hooked up with one of my best friends. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!
    Last edited by royalblue420; 09-25-2019 at 06:27 PM.

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by royalblue420
    he had a smirk on his face.
    Lose your "friend" and keep dating the girl (as long as she is willing to cut ties with your friend).

    Take it from there and see how it goes.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't play mind or guessing games with her.

    Have an in depth, at length, in person conversation with this woman. Ask her point blank about every question you have about her and her relationship with your friend. See if she's honest and truthful. After hearing her out, this is the time you will determine whether or not you wish to continue dating her.

    Since your friend has a tendency to exaggerate, ask the woman a bunch of questions until you are satisfied with her answers.

    If she's a red flag to you, sounds dishonest or sneaky, then heed those warnings and think the better of it in order to avoid unnecessary stress in your life. Be a good judge of character.

    Don't forget about her just yet. Give her a chance to explain herself to you and use your best judgment. You will determine whether or not she is for you. Give her a chance and hear her side of the story while keeping in mind, if something doesn't add up, if something doesn't ring true about her, end it diplomatically and cease contact with her.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Why do you think you're entitled to hear her 'side of the story'? What story is that?

    You've barely had one date with her and you're wanting to hear her entire sexual history? I think you should back off. If she likes you, then take it slowly and don't worry about what your friend has going on with her.

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  6. #5
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    No, I dont think I'm "entitled", my friend tends to stretch the truth so I just want to know if it really happened the way he says, mainly because I want to know if shes the cheating type or not.....

    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Why do you think you're entitled to hear her 'side of the story'? What story is that?

    You've barely had one date with her and you're wanting to hear her entire sexual history? I think you should back off. If she likes you, then take it slowly and don't worry about what your friend has going on with her.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If she's hooking up for weeks with your best friend, then she's playing both sides of the fence. If you wish to seriously continue dating and envision a future relationship with her, you have every right to know what's going on. She needs to choose one man instead of two men. Two's company, three's a crowd.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Obviously it's distasteful knowing your bro hooked up with your current crush. You can take it one of two ways: 1) get all huffy and immature about it and crucify her for being "promiscuous" or 2) act like a gentleman (this means limiting your time with your idiot friend who likes to talk about his bedscapades and treating her like a genuine person).

    You get to choose the type of man you want to be. She gets to choose what type of man she wants to be with too. Either way, this isn't the last woman on earth and take it easy if it doesn't work out.

  9. #8
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    If you were to take the fact that the person she was seeing is your best friend out of the equation this would be a lot easier to reconcile.

    You just met her for the first time yesterday and have been communicating for a couple weeks leading up to that. So, both of you are seemingly free agents, right? It's only when you add the "best friend" into the equation that it becomes murky, because let's be honest, who the heck wants to potentially start a new relationship with someone who has slept with their best friend?

    I know I wouldn't.

    So you have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if that is something you can overlook? If you can't, I wouldn't even bother.

    Nonetheless don't let hearsay dictate your chosen action. You can simply share with her the information that was shared with you and then decide what you want to do.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    The best friend or friend part doesn't matter.

    Let's say, if I were to hook up with a man for weeks while dating another man, I doubt my date or new man in my life would be cool with that which stands to reason.

    You have every right to know the truth and then proceed from there. At that point, you can determine whether or not you wish to date this woman AND share her with another man!

    It's the principle of the matter. On the other hand, if you don't care what she does on the side behind your back, go for it and continue dating her to your heart's content. In this case, ignorance is bliss!

  11. #10
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    Well, while I guess this girl doesn't technically "owe" you anything, I don't think her behaviour is that great. I mean, surely she knew that all your messages with her are not just for friendship and she could tell you liked her? And she knows you're good friends with the guy she's sleeping with so why did she keep messaging you? I know she hasn't really done anything "wrong", but I guess it's just poor form.

    And not to make assumptions or anything, but it could be possible that she is actually into your friend and she's actually trying to make him jealous coz for him it's just a hookup. About ten years ago I was hooking up with this guy I was crazy about, but he wasn't into me. So I was trying to make him jealous by paying attention to his friend. Also when my best friend was sleeping with this guy and he really liked her (she wasn't into him), he was trying to make her jealous by showing interest in her female housemate and talking about other girls.

    Also what was the actual context of her messaging you to get your friend's number? Sounds like it was actually him she was interested in and she was chasing him? Maybe that's why she was trying to get his number? I guess she's probably just playing the field and enjoying getting attention from guys because she's single. I wouldn't necessarily call sleeping with one guy (that you know of) promiscuous. Also women should be allowed to have an FWB just like men do and not be called a or whatever. Coz that's double standard.

    The main issue here I think is what do you get out of all of this? From everything you've said, I'm not sure it's looking that good for you. After she got your friend's number, even though she was talking to you a lot, that didn't deter her from hooking up with your friend the whole time. Also you didn't go on a date with her one-on-one, your friend was there too. I think if she liked you, she would have wanted to see you alone. I think now that you know what you know, don't be too available to her and don't let her play you.

    Keep in mind too that while you know she's attractive, educated and career minded, your liking of her is based on a bit of a fantasy. You were only talking to her online and you never met. I think it's easy to think that someone is amazing because they're hot, but you need to look at it realistically. Just because she's pretty doesn't mean she's a great person or the right girl for you.

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