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Thread: Is abuse forgivable?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    You can still have an abortion.
    Then get on reliable birth control methods.
    Then deal with your issues and why you gravitate to abuse.
    Nevermind about him, deal with your own house. It's not even a little bit reasonable to bring a child into this mess.

  2. #22
    Member ThatGirlTayl's Avatar
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    I agree with itsallgrand. Please get an abortion, and do not have unprotected sex with someone again unless you are in a stable relationship. Bringing a child into this mess is a really irresponsible thing to do and will probably just make things worse.

  3. #23
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    I didnít just post on another forum. Iíve posted on about 4 different ones asking the same thing. Iíve also asked friends what they would do.

    Itís over and Iím not going back to him. Thereís a part of me that wanted justification to make sure I was doing the right thing. I made the mistake of unblocking him a few days ago and I think him apologizing and saying all of these things made me think I was partly to blame. I realize I have issues because I think this behavior is acceptable. So many people seem to like him and it always made me feel that maybe I was the problem. A good friend told me that alcoholics are master manipulators so maybe thatís why.

    He told me last night that I wasnít perfect either and I was giving him a lot of grief the past month prior to this. Which I probably was. I wanted him to pay rent on time, and start saving money. I could of brought it up to him in a better way.

    He also said he wasnít abusive to me. He said some of the things he did while we were fighting were abusive but it doesnít mean he is abusive.

    Iím almost confident I will be getting an abortion but I do feel extremely guilty about it. It has nothing to do with him. Just the fact that I put myself in this situation to have to make this choice.

    I know I was treated bad. I just wish I knew the right tools to get over this and be happy again. I feel really lonely.

  4. #24
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    I wanted him to pay rent on time, and start saving money. I could of brought it up to him in a better way.
    These are not unreasonable requests. Paying rent on time should have happened without any prompting from you.

    And as for this...
    He also said he wasnít abusive to me. He said some of the things he did while we were fighting were abusive but it doesnít mean he is abusive.
    ...it's fairly typical alcoholic mind-effery.

    As I said in my earlier post, check out Alanon meetings. I promise you won't feel anything like so lonely if you do.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Keep your resolve and get away from him. As spoken by most abusers. This is a great line.....
    Originally Posted by Shadow2019
    He said some of the things he did while we were fighting were abusive but it doesnít mean he is abusive.

  7. #26
    Member ThatGirlTayl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Shadow2019
    He also said he wasnít abusive to me. He said some of the things he did while we were fighting were abusive but it doesnít mean he is abusive.

    This is classic abuser denial and gaslighting. He is minimizing his abuse and accepting none of the blame or any of the responsibility for his own actions. Stick to your guns on this one and don't take him back.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Shadow2019
    I didnít just post on another forum. Iíve posted on about 4 different ones asking the same thing. Iíve also asked friends what they would do.

    Itís over and Iím not going back to him. Thereís a part of me that wanted justification to make sure I was doing the right thing. I made the mistake of unblocking him a few days ago and I think him apologizing and saying all of these things made me think I was partly to blame. I realize I have issues because I think this behavior is acceptable. So many people seem to like him and it always made me feel that maybe I was the problem. A good friend told me that alcoholics are master manipulators so maybe thatís why.

    He told me last night that I wasnít perfect either and I was giving him a lot of grief the past month prior to this. Which I probably was. I wanted him to pay rent on time, and start saving money. I could of brought it up to him in a better way.

    He also said he wasnít abusive to me. He said some of the things he did while we were fighting were abusive but it doesnít mean he is abusive.

    Iím almost confident I will be getting an abortion but I do feel extremely guilty about it. It has nothing to do with him. Just the fact that I put myself in this situation to have to make this choice.

    I know I was treated bad. I just wish I knew the right tools to get over this and be happy again. I feel really lonely.
    Yes. Please get an abortion.

    The guy is a complete parasite. Have you thrown him out?

    Contact an abuse hotline and stop listening to his crap. And, please do not think you can raise a kid with this POS.

  9. #28
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    Itís been a month and I still canít get over him. What is wrong with me?...

    Iím fine for a couple of hours and then I miss him like crazy. I keep thinking what he did isnít abuse. We had so many good times too.

    From what I wrote what part about it is a abuse.. the name calling and the hole in the wall? Iím not trying to sound stupid but I canít get out of this ty mind frame I have right now.

  10. #29
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    He does not have to put you in a hospital for his actions to be abusive. Change the word if you like -- unacceptable, mean, unpredictable, violent. doesn't matter what you call it, while he's drinking & unstable you & your baby can't be around him. If you don't believe me get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting; it's a group for people involved with alcoholics / addicts.

    Meanwhile take care of yourself & that baby. If you are not ready to be a mom consider adoption.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Shadow2019
    Itís been a month and I still canít get over him. What is wrong with me?...

    Iím fine for a couple of hours and then I miss him like crazy. I keep thinking what he did isnít abuse. We had so many good times too.

    From what I wrote what part about it is a abuse.. the name calling and the hole in the wall? Iím not trying to sound stupid but I canít get out of this ty mind frame I have right now.
    A month isn't very long when you're getting over a relationship which was very intense, even if it was unhealthy. It can be very hard to let go of relationships like this - but if you do decide to get counselling, the feelings you're experiencing could lead to very productive outcomes. The more difficult you find it to leave an unhealthy relationship, the more elements of your childhood struggle it contains.

    Let yourself know that these feelings will pass in time, and try and get support for yourself while you're going through them. It can feel like falling off a cliff, but it won't be like this for ever. Stay strong, and look after yourself.

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