I (28m) can't figure out if my friend (24f) likes me!

Before I dive into the post i'll just say that I am planning on asking her when the time is right and i've met my fitness goals - but i'd love to hear some outside opinions. I'll try to keep it brief and free of any bias - wish me luck.

Basically I have a currently platonic friend who I have feelings for and I cannot figure out if she likes me. The confusion comes from some of the signs I am seeing from her. This includes:

• Her wanting to hang out with me (we equally initiate to see each other)
  
• I planned an overnight trip and she gladly agreed and said she was excited. On this trip we did a ton of laughing/smiling/drinking. We slept in the same bed, no touching but laying close and laughing at memes.
  
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• She touched my arm and shoulder several times
  
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• She wanted to make future plans to dress up together for Halloween
  
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• She told me her back hurt and (I didn't want to break the touch barrier in this way) she randomly started giving me a massage out in public, so I returned the favor.
  
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• She cancelled a plan I initiated to hang out a day prior - only to ask if we could "Still hang out, please?" the next day.
  
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• Out by ourselves dancing (non sexually) on a beach, and having deep conversations.
  
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• The day after we got back from the trip she tells me that she feels we have "gotten closer"
  
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• Whenever I touch her arm, shoulder, or try and grab her hand and lead her i'm never met with resistance or uncomfortable body language.
  
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Now the things I think I have working against me:

• When she leaves after we hang out, we don't always hug/make physical contact
  
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• We spoke about romance in general and she said she isn't too interested in the guys who like her at the moment. I don't know if i'm one of those guys - but I think i've been making it obvious that I like her.
  
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• I'm not obese, but I have a few extra pounds and she goes for thinner guys.
  
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• We've never held hands - the only signs I have are subtle and easily friendship signs.
  
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I will be telling her how I feel once i'm at my goal weight and body image. This part has nothing to do with her - it's for me and i'd be doing it anyway. I just figure why not give myself the best chance possible. I just figured this forum can help me get out of my own way because I can't see clearly.

Thank you, everyone.

Sounds like she wants you for a friend only.

My guess is that she enjoys being with you and doing fun things, but it's just filling the time in until she finds someone she wants to date. Either ask her to go on a real date with you or look elsewhere. A few pounds probably won't make any difference to her.

Tell her exactly what you've said here. Tell her that based upon all the signals she has given you, you feel that she likes you more than a friend and likewise for you, too. Ask her to start dating with you and see what her answer is. Just be prepared for any answer. Whether you wish to wait before or after you lose weight and get fit is up to you.

It's a little difficult to know actually if she's into you because there could be a few signs but it also depends whether some of those things she's done because she'd do them with any friends. Like all of it could be just interpreted as friendship except sleeping in the same bed and she gave you a massage. But if nothing happened in bed etc. then maybe she didn't exactly want it to happen...Hard to know if she's trying to give you hints or not.

I want to say one thing though. If you're only a little overweight and she's not interested in you because of your size then she may just not be the right person for you. Plenty of people are a bit chubby and still find a partner that likes them as they are. You shouldn't have to constantly be trying to lose weight for someone. Especially if you're not really that large. But if she only likes thin guys then you may be just not her type physically. That doesn't mean you can't find other women who will like you for you.

To look at it from her perspective - if she were to have written on this board instead of you - her post would have probably included being with this guy friend who she enjoys, has told him that, has given a shoulder massage, took a trip with him and slept in the same bed and..... nothing. He hasn't responded to these things. And the board would reply - he just sees you as a friend, or cuddle buddy at best, and isn't into you.

Misinterpretation works both ways especially when waiting around.

Yes, if people could order up a partner from a factory, they would almost always choose one with a nice body design. But in reality, there is a lot more to a lasting relationship than a tan and abs. Start reciprocating.

Yes, you raise a good point for sure; most of this is bias. I suppose i'm not "getting that vibe" from her and that is what is contributing to my fears. I really enjoy my time with her and I know that she feels the same but so many of the signs I am seeing could simply be her being friendly.

As far as us sleeping in the same bed, my fear informs me that it was only contextual.

We were on a vacation and an extra room was extra money, so we stayed in the same bed. There wasn't any weirdness or any of that because we are both comfortable with each other; but comfort isn't always romance.

I guess part of me thinks she isn't in to me like that, but could be. Attraction is a scale that can go up and down, after all.

Sleeping in the same bed and nothing happened almost sounds like a sign against instead of for. If you are attracted to someone, while there can be comfort, there should also be discomfort in sleeping together. The "will we/won't we" didn't keep her up all night? Hmm.

Yes, you raise a good point for sure; most of this is bias. I suppose i'm not "getting that vibe" from her and that is what is contributing to my fears. I really enjoy my time with her and I know that she feels the same but so many of the signs I am seeing could simply be her being friendly.

 

As far as us sleeping in the same bed, my fear informs me that it was only contextual.

We were on a vacation and an extra room was extra money, so we stayed in the same bed. There wasn't any weirdness or any of that because we are both comfortable with each other; but comfort isn't always romance.

 

I guess part of me thinks she isn't in to me like that, but could be. Attraction is a scale that can go up and down, after all.

Well my policy was always to let the people I liked that I was interested and see the response. If I got rejected I just took it in my stride and accepted it. If you could continue to be friends if you get rejected then great but if your feelings are too strong then I guess you may need to have some space from her. Just remember though that as disappointing as rejection can be, there are still other women out there. She's not the only woman you can be with. That's great that you're trying to lose weight but I think if you're doing that, you should do it for health reasons. Losing weight just so that someone will like you in my opinion is not a good reason. The right person would like you anyway. If you're just a bit overweight some people don't have a problem with that at all. I don't for example.

Absolutely. The weight loss is 100% for me - my friend and I just happened to begin growing closer as I was already working on that.

Thank you so much for your input!!

Unfortunately you view her as a potential gf/love interest but all she is offering is the friendzone/cuddle buddy thing. This is worse than the friendzone, it's the male-girlfriend zone. Pull way back from this, you'll get hurt if you continue to hang out with her (waste time on her) in this capacity.

And yes a self improvement plan is always a good boost and includes improving your health, fitness, diet etc as well as updating your image with better clothes, hair, etc. Don't forget about the inside. This means taking course/classes, volunteering joining groups and clubs. Learn stuff, meet new people and heck start talking to more women.

I'd ask her out. Don't play those mind games with yourself either about the weight. If you were that fat and soft or unattractive, she wouldn't have slept in the same bed as you and see your last pro point (no resistance/no discomfort). From the way I'm seeing it, she's ultra passive and what most would call "decent" or "conservative". She's waiting for your first move and you've got nothing to lose. If it's a genuine friendship, it'll bounce back from any bloopers. Just go for it.