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Thread: I struggle to trust my boyfriend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    Well, if we are all going to keep reiterating how her insecurity is going to drive him away and not give advice on how she can control her anxiety/insecurity then I feel compelled to reiterate that there is a compromise to be worked out here that will help her to be less insecure, and alleviate his feelings of being controlled/smothered.

    So... again, Op: Please sit down with him and talk TOGETHER about an amount of contact that you will be happy with that does not entail you controlling or having him check in with you like you are the keeper of the realm.

    Tell us what you feel is a good compromise and we will certainly all chime in if we think you are still being over-the-top with your need to be in control of him.

    If he won't talk to you about it and just expects you to accept him going incognito for days at a time, then perhaps he's not as into this relationship as you are and it would be in your best interests to rethink being in a relationship with him. If a couple won't work together to compromise to a point of mutual agreement then there isn't much of a relationship but more of a dictatorship.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I think both of you need to compromise.

    He should send you a quick text if he's out for the evening because it's common courtesy since you live together. Naturally, you worry about his safety. He should be considerate by texting you so you won't have to worry.

    As for his business trips, don't hound him. Give him space! Know your boundaries.

    Don't be glued to your cell phone expecting constant texts and pics from him nor from anybody otherwise you are perceived as a bother. Stop hounding him. He will think you are a pest if you do.

    Don't be so insecure. Have your own life and your own interests outside your boyfriend. You're not engaged to him nor married nor his mother. You're just his young girlfriend. Know your place because you don't have elevated status in his life at the moment. This is your sobering reality check.

    Have a mature discussion with him regarding his texting you at least if he's out for the evening so you won't worry, however, make sure both of you know it will be brief text and not relentless texting. I would say that's the only exception.

    Let him breathe! Don't suffocate and smother him. Back off otherwise he will leave you.

    Show your independence and have your own life because this will make you attractive. Don't be obsessed with your boyfriend because he shouldn't be your whole life. Have your own aura, mystery and allure because this is what men find attractive. Don't be too available. Have an independent mind, your own interests, friends, family, hobbies, intellectual pursuits, focus on education, career, goals and visions for your future. Exercise and get fit. Show your own self security, high self esteem and self confidence.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    If you have calmly and reasonably asked him to let you know if he won't be coming home when he's been on a night out and he can't/won't do that, then that is unreasonable. He is supposed to be in a committed relationship but he is not showing you adequate respect or consideration; instead he's acting like he is single. As for the trips, if he always *chose* to send you those pics etc and communicate like that (rather than you asking or insisting it be that way) and all of a sudden you hear nothing from him, it is perfectly reasonable to wonder why. Some part of him KNOWS that his behaviour towards you is different to every other trip and it's a choice he's making in not communicating with you. Whether it's because you've been hassling him or not, it's a passive-aggressive way to behave and the mature thing would have been to talk about it and discuss what is reasonable communication before he went. It sounds to me that he's not as invested in this relationship as you and maybe, because you're both so young, he's starting to feel like he wants to have more freedom and fewer ties - but if that's true then he needs to tell you so you can move onto someone who better meets your needs.

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