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Thread: Help. So lost.

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Km82
    I did come on here for advice not to be told I'm stupid or a liar. Yes I'm in a bad situation. I literally have no one to talk to and no I don't just sit there and say nothing.
    I was just so unsure of myself I needed reassurance that yes I'm in the right and yes he's an ahole, and maybe i needed a little bit of support.
    I guess I'm scared to ask him to leave because last time I asked him he wouldn't. I'm worried I'll have to have police involved.
    Have a male family member or male friend present when you ask him to pack his things and leave.

    Unfortunately, you may have to give him a 30 day notice, however, since he is probably a legal resident of the home.

  2. #12
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    You needed reassurance ? This guy is a complete sleazebag and you know it. You have a daughter and should be setting a better example .

    Tell him to get out. Get the police, if needed.

    Do not date for a long time!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 08-25-2019 at 07:45 PM.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Km82
    I did come on here for advice not to be told I'm stupid or a liar. Yes I'm in a bad situation. I literally have no one to talk to and no I don't just sit there and say nothing.
    I was just so unsure of myself I needed reassurance that yes I'm in the right and yes he's an ahole, and maybe i needed a little bit of support.
    I guess I'm scared to ask him to leave because last time I asked him he wouldn't. I'm worried I'll have to have police involved.
    I understand you wanted support and apologies for the blunt tone I used. However people on these forums are generally caring (I'm a regular) and all of us showing outrage at this guy is our way to show support! I mean yes I do feel for you, I sympathise. But you can be in control here and end this relationship and kick this guy out. You don't have to be a victim. This is your house, you own it. He can go wherever the heck he wants but you should just tell him to get out and that he's not your problem anymore. He's a disrespectful jerk who has treated both you and your daughter horribly. I'm sure you can do better even just in the sense that a lot of other guys are not this level of a-hole. Most people are not this bad. You are seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

  4. #14
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    I guess these situations grow organically... if it had been like this from Day One, there's no way you'd have tolerated it. However, as little things start to mount up, it gets less and less easy to ignore them. I think sometimes we let things go because of a desire to make relationships work, and fearing being labelled 'selfish', and a whole host of rationalisations, but it sounds as though you've reached breaking point. You can only be the giver to his taker for so long, before the cracks appear and you realise your situation's intolerable.

    My advice to you is run, run and don't look back. I get that you 'love' him, but I'm also guessing that you're really in love with the man you think he could be if only he'd put more into the relationship. Unfortunately, he is who he is and it won't get any better than this; for your sake, and that of your daughter, don't waste any more time on him than you absolutely have to - get him out of there and stop wasting your life and love on him.

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  6. #15
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    KM,

    You are not helpless. Why are you allowing this parasite to treat you like this? As another poster said, "he is bottom of the barrel."

    Do you usually date people like this?

  7. #16
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    Run.
    (Tried to just reply run, but reply was too short).

  8. #17
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    So I have three kids. So I know a thing or two about rules and discipline.

    Give you an analogy. If you have a dog at the table and you say "no begging" and then hand it a steak? What does it learn!? That your words have no meaning. That your actions still give it a steak.

    If your partner is disrespecting you in your house and you allow it to continue then you're allowing it to continue.

    If your partners kid is in your house, she plays by your rules. Period. Otherwise she can't visit. That's how you need to play this.

    Next time she comes over hand her a bucket and paint brush and say here repaint the wall.

    You need to enforce rules within your house. How you do that is up to you. I've done everything from taking ALL of my kids toys away (took them to my work and left them in the back of the warehouse) for months. To taking them camping just so they could see the other kids having fun, and then said ok i just wanted you to see that you're missing now we're going home to clean your room. Turn off your WiFi. Turn off the TV. Don't cook them dinner etc. Stop enabling bad behavior. Don't tell me you've set rules if you don't follow through with a punishment for breaking them. Kids of all ages, and your partner and some adults will get away with whatever you allow them to.

    It's up to you to set some standards.

    I mean I would simply end this relationship if I were you.

    But if you don't you sit then both down and say there's a new sheriff in town starting today and a whole bunch of rules to be followed or we are done tomorrow.

    Otherwise just find yourself a way to be happy being miserable because you've given them no reason to change their behavior.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok you need to seriously reassess if you want to be a blowup doll and nanny. No one can put you in that position unless you allow it. Talk and nagging are meaningless and easy to tune out. Particularly if you stay, participate and through those actions condone all this. Go or stay...or change your actions/behavior. Make changes that will be an improvement to your life.

  10. #19
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    Update. I've asked him to leave. I've given him two weeks to get out of my house. His child isn't to be here at all in those two weeks.
    But I've just found out my contraception failed and I'm pregnant 😭.
    I know doing this is the right thing but wow I feel so bad.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it's just a cycle of on/off, move out/move in and toxic distrust. But you're both ok with that otherwise you would end it.
    Originally Posted by Km82
    So naturally I kicked him out. We decided to give things another go and he promised to be see through about everything - like I have his bank details passwords monitor on his phone etc

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