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Thread: Itís very complicated

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gopirates19
    and my wife hates her at this point lol.
    Like I said earlier... It will interfere with your primary relationship.

    Zero contact, block and delete now so that you can get to the stage of indifference to her.

  2. #12
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    I thought "open relationship" meant you have sex and companionship with others but you don't have actual RELATIONSHIPS with others and you sure don't fall in love.

    Or are the terms of your open relationship different?

  3. #13
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I thought "open relationship" meant you have sex and companionship with others but you don't have actual RELATIONSHIPS with others and you sure don't fall in love.

    Or are the terms of your open relationship different?
    No youíre on point thatís how its supposed to be. Iíve been with many different ladies during my marriage but sheís the only one thatís been a problem. Iím in my late 30s sheís in her late 20s and looks early 20s so thatís part of it Iím sure. She makes me feel young if that makes any sense? There is an addictive quality about her.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Gopirates19
    No youíre on point thatís how its supposed to be. Iíve been with many different ladies during my marriage but sheís the only one thatís been a problem. Iím in my late 30s sheís in her late 20s and looks early 20s so thatís part of it Iím sure. She makes me feel young if that makes any sense? There is an addictive quality about her.
    Well sure but it's probably a problem because you've actually developed feelings for her and she hasn't for you? It sounds like for her it actually is just sex. Which is probably not wrong exactly because you are in an open marriage where the arrangement is just to have sex with other women...? It sounds like she only sees you when she's single and she doesn't have other guys. So it seems like she just wants you for sex while she's not with anyone else. I mean, you could continue like this and keep having sex with her. But if you've actually fallen for her then you are probably likely to get hurt.

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  6. #15
    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well sure but it's probably a problem because you've actually developed feelings for her and she hasn't for you? It sounds like for her it actually is just sex. Which is probably not wrong exactly because you are in an open marriage where the arrangement is just to have sex with other women...? It sounds like she only sees you when she's single and she doesn't have other guys. So it seems like she just wants you for sex while she's not with anyone else. I mean, you could continue like this and keep having sex with her. But if you've actually fallen for her then you are probably likely to get hurt.
    No itís not when she doesn't have a boyfriend. Sheís had the same boyfriend since June of 2018. Sheís been cheating on him with me since October up until two months ago.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gopirates19
    No itís not when she doesn't have a boyfriend. Sheís had the same boyfriend since June of 2018. Sheís been cheating on him with me since October up until two months ago.
    Then its clear that psychologically, she gets with you because you're safe in the fact that you can't commit to her because you are married. You can't have an eff buddy (and that's what you are to one another) once you catch the feels for her/him. It just causes angst and causes you to make threads looking for advice that validates your addiction to her.

    zero contact my friend. You are interfering with your primary relationship not to mention helping her to cheat. What is good about THAT other than your own selfish wants (not needs, this is not about needs)

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    All the sex, secrecy and excitement with zero risk.
    Originally Posted by Gopirates19
    Sheís been cheating on him with me since October up until two months ago.

  9. #18
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    Although you're in a complicated situation, what it boils down to is something very simple.

    You are in love with someone in a relationship with someone else, who wants to use you for sex when it suits her.

    Who knows if she's happy with her boyfriend? The classic line from people who have affairs of any kind is that their partner doesn't understand them/they're not happy with them/ect yak and blah. The reality of the situation is that she's still with him, and they AREN'T in an open relationship.

    My advice to you is the same as I'd give anyone emotionally committed to someone who isn't really available to them... and that's to let it go, and move on. To do anything else will just end in heartbreak for you, not to mention destroying your relationship with your wife. I guess people who have FWB arrangements have a similar dilemma; it all works fine until one or other party falls in love.

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