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Thread: Great first date with a guy, but I havenít heard from him..Whatís my next move?

  1. #1
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    Great first date with a guy, but I havenít heard from him..Whatís my next move?

    Date went really well, or so I thought, but itís been a full day and a half and o havenít heard from him.I wanted to pay but he insisted and said I could get the next one. He also just moved into a new place and kept saying that I would see the place and heíd show it to me. I want to believe that all he was saying was genuine and I could feel that we were both enjoying ourselves not just me. He shared a lot about himself, even past relationships, he initiated an opportunity to touch my arm as well.We texted a bit after he dropped me home, said we both had a good time and goodnight but I didnít hear from him at all yesterday and not yet today. Would the right move be wait for him to reach out and see if the interest was genuine or should I send him a text? I usually think if I guy had a good time on a date heíll text you the next day no? And if he wasnít into me why would he drop all those hints About future plans... help! Not sure what my next move should be,wait and see what happens or reach out.. thanks!

  2. #2
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    Just wait abit. Don't text, let him do it.


    It really hasn't been that long.

  3. #3
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    So my mindset for first dates and first meets was no matter what if there was no time and place plan for another date there was no next date unless he called and asked. As long as I said thank you on the date of course I didnít call for any reason. But if you like asking men out and that approach works for you then call and ask him out - donít do the transparent ďthanks againĒ text or decide that he needs encouragement to follow through on his suggestion that he might want to see you again. Iíve had many one and done awesome first dates. But if thereís no plan put him off your radar - nothing to wait for at all -unless you want to ask him out on a date. If you do call him with a specific plan in mind and plan the date and pay. Or if you donít want to ask him out decide if he calls and asks if youíre still interested. That way you can spend time meeting other people instead of over analyzing the first meet or date.
    There are a million reasons why someone might suggest another date and then not follow through. Most have nothing to do with you personally.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's not hard to text someone. If you feel the level of chemistry during the date halted all of a sudden and there are crickets in communication, I'd second guess the chemistry and perhaps things didn't go as well as you might have thought. Did either of you open up about your career or future plans? Why did he talk about his past relationships on a first date? Were there a lot of details in that or was he just recalling his entire life history? Did you appear interested? Did you have a chance to say anything yourself?

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  6. #5
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    Yes, I also was wondering what he said about past relationships and why that came up.

  7. #6
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Thatís just me, but I would have no problem asking him for another date. Did he initiate the first one? He might be busy setting up the new place and maybe heís wondering the same about you.
    Iíd just ask when heís free again and plan from there. If he doesnít respond or doesnít give a firm date then you know where you stand. If he does and you guys enjoy your second date Iíd let him initiate the next. Itís all about balance in my opinion.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Wait but don't put your life on hold for him. Live your own life without thinking he's your whole life. It's only been one date. Don't text otherwise you'll be perceived as too eager, insecure, pushy, demanding, impatient and no man wants a leech. Back off and let him breathe. Have mystery and independence because men love that in a lady. Don't make yourself too available. Always give each other SPACE. Remember boundaries, too.

    If he wants to see you, he'll reach out to you. He has your number.

    He recently moved into his new apt. Give him time to get settled in. It's a lot of work to start new housekeeping.

    Play it cool.

  9. #8
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    1. It is still early days. Maybe he is busy. Not everyone communicates in the same way. For example I have a one track mind, sometimes I can get lost in work or something if I am really immersed in it and I don't want to deal with other things that require some thinking until I am done with that one thing that I am immersed in. Like for example, arranging a date with a girl I like. I tend to respond to messages (if not quick one liner responses) or other things like that at the weekend, which has in the past been interpreted as a lack of interest or even rude.

    2. Do not read too much into him paying for the date, or talking about the future. I remember when I went on my first Tinder date, I had absolutely no interest in the girl, but I still mentioned "next time" out of polite nervousness lol. I am also more likely to pay for a date if I do not intend to see a girl again, because I do not want to feel like I owe her anything.

    3. Maybe I am a little traditional so feel free to disregard this advice, but I would not initiate the second date if I were you. There is no way to avoid coming off needy or easy when the guy already has your number and has not called yet. You should make guys work for you, anything that comes easily is not as appreciated and valued. Let's say he sort of thinks that you were "alright", but cannot be bothered with pursuing you because he thinks he can find better, or he likes somebody else more. In this quite probable scenario...
    3a) If you do not contact him, he will probably never contact you, you will never see him again. That may seem bad cos you clearly like him, given that you're stressing over him not calling after just 36hrs... but...
    3b) If you contact him first, he will know that you like him (which surrenders power to him), and he might decide to reciprocate for the prospect of an easy lay. You might go on a few dates, have a nice time, whatever, but the moment somebody he fancies more becomes available, he's gone. You are not going to make him fall for you by showing him a good time.

    In my experience, guys either fall for a girl or they don't, if the spark is not there, it cannot be created from shared experience. i.e. you don't want a guy to pursue you because he thought you were "alright", you want a guy to pursue you if he is actually smitten with you and excited at the prospect of meeting you again. If he is, he will call you 100%... he might just wait a few days to try to not come across too eager.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^What MirrorKnight said. I agree!

  11. #10
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    I agree with not initiating asking him out on a date but I wanted to leave open the possibility that the OP might have a change of heart and decide she wants a relationship where the man is comfortable with being asked out half or more of the time during the early stages of dating -comfortable meaning it wouldn't be a turn off as far as potential for the long term - I'm sure for some men (or maybe more than some these days -wasn't true when I was dating in 2005) they prefer a relationship where the woman does the same amount or more of the asking and planning when they first meet and likes that dynamic going forward. From what I sensed from the OP's post she is a person who is more comfortable with traditional dating and a man who wants to date in this way. (I wish when I was dating men were more comfortable with a woman asking them out in the beginning -I wasn't scared of rejection to any large extent and had asked men out - just knew from experience and vicarious experience that it wasn't an effective way to find a long term relationship as opposed to a fling or a few dates).

    So I agree with Knight too and leave open the possibility of the exceptions -there always are.

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