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Thread: 3 weeks no contact

  1. #1

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    3 weeks no contact

    Hello,

    I dated this girl for two months. I met her through a mutual friend claiming we'd be perfect together. Both her and I had gotten out of long term relationships earlier this year where our partners had cheated. She told me in the beginning she was looking for something serious, which is what I was looking for too. She was pretty guarded through out the relationship. I took it as she was just shy at first. My friend told me she was afraid of blowing it with me. Overtime though the shyness didn't really go away, which made realize it was more her reluctant to open up. I decided to just be patient. I'm big on direct communication so it made me feel uncomfortable trying to guess where she was at, but I learned to feel more comfortable just going by her actions.

    We were going on dates once a week initially, eventually it led to us dating/hanging out 2-3x a week and texting a bit everyday. The week before things ended I had a week off work, and she wanted to hang out everyday, getting up at 5am to run with me before her work, and even called in sick one day to spend the day with me. She was starting to let her guard down more, and I really liked that person. She told me she really liked me and enjoyed spending time with me. I was happy with how things were going.

    Once I went back to work I noticed she got noticeably more distant with texting. We hung out later that week and I eventually brought up with her that I wanted to know where she was at with things. She tried avoid talking about it by going silent for awhile and changing the conversation, but eventually I learned that she thought our outlooks on life were too different for a serious relationship, but that she's been lonely and horny and basically using me for sex. I stayed calm and tried asking her about what exactly she thought my "outlook" was but she just went silent. As far as I understood, we had similar interests and goals. I eventually left her place and tried leaving it in her court, but didn't hear anything from her for a couple days. I eventually texted her asking her what was going on and if she wanted to continue things with us, and she said she was done because she felt like we were too different, and that she'd rather stop a couple months in then a couple years in. I told her I felt that was pretty judgmental (since we never actually talked about it) but overall I'd respect her wish.

    Our mutual friend heard about what happened and convinced me that I shouldn't give up on her, that she knows this girl and that some girls need to be pursued to show that guys care. I texted her a week after the break up and she responded to me quickly. I asked her if she wanted to get together that weekend and she agreed. We went for a walk and joked a lot but didn't really talk much about the relationship. I mainly left it by saying that it says a lot to me that you wanted to get together. She would walk close to me and wouldn't pull away if I touched her etc, so when it was over I thought it all went pretty well. I texted her the next day and she never responded. After a few days, sick of the games, I texted her if we could talk about where were at as I'm getting mixed signals. She eventually said that she didn't know why she hung out with me, that I'm a great guy but she "stuck it out" with me for 2 months and is not interested in dating me. I just told her ok, appreciate the honesty and deleted her number.

    I've now been no contact with her for 3 weeks. Our mutual friend hangs out with her weekly and apparently this girl asks about me, saying she misses hearing what's going on with me and gets updates from my friend. The friend asked her what happened, and she apparently blushed and just said I was great but were polar opposites.

    I don't know why I'm so hung up on this girl. I have a lot to offer in a relationship and know I am high value and didn't deserve the way she treated me. Her communication sucked, she handled the break up poorly, and we were only together for two months. I think in my mind I am putting the times she was vulnerable on a pedestal, thinking if I can be captain save a ho and be the one to open her up I will have this great partner. I think the other part is ego and loneliness. I was pretty open to encourage her to feel more comfortable, and I feel pretty judged. However when I look back at it, I would not have done anything different. Despite all of this, I just have this weird feeling inside of me that things aren't over. I feel like she's eventually going to contact me to get back together, but I feel like that thought is holding me back. Even if we do get back together, a lot would have to change at her end for me to want to continue things.

    I know that regardless of whether we get back together or not I need to get over her. I have been doing good but this weekend in particular has been hard. Any sort of advice/encouragement/perspective is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's not interested in you. You're treating her with kiddie gloves and I think it has a lot to do with your meddlesome "mutual friend"'s opinions on the matter. There's only so much the peanut gallery will do. Your instincts at first told you she was a bit here nor there. Go back to those instincts and question whether the opinions of others have influenced your own initial instincts and caused you to act against your better judgment. Remember that when a person shows you they don't care enough, they really don't care that much!

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry, but you were a rebound.

    There is no future. She is NOT interested. Do not contact her again. Move on!

  4. #4
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Reminds me of the game my dog palys... she has a bone in front of her, but is not interested in it until I pretend to want it... then she grabs it and runs away. If I don't chase her, she drops the bone, lays down and pretends to look away... just waiting for me to pretend to want the bone again... this goes on, and on, and on...

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Reminds me of the game my dog palys... she has a bone in front of her, but is not interested in it until I pretend to want it... then she grabs it and runs away. If I don't chase her, she drops the bone, lays down and pretends to look away... just waiting for me to pretend to want the bone again... this goes on, and on, and on...
    What breed is she?

  7. #6
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    What breed is she?
    2 Newfs, 1 Great Dane... they actually all do it... but mostly one of the the Newfs.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    2 Newfs, 1 Great Dane... they actually all do it... but mostly one of the the Newfs.
    Those are some big doggies!

  9. #8
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Those are some big doggies!
    400 pounds of pure love!!! :-)

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    400 pounds of pure love!!! :-)
    Wow!!!!!!! :)

  11. #10
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Wow!!!!!!! :)
    That's the combined weight, mind you!

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