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Thread: 10 Months In a Relationship and Things are Feeling Different- Is It Normal?

  1. #11
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    To add a bit to what Catfeeder wrote - I agree totally AND be careful what you wish for. Because if you find someone who indulges your needs or responds to them -to put it more fairly -there could be other downsides in the interaction including you being turned off by a seemingly "overly available" partner.

  2. #12
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    Jul 2016
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    My heart goes out to you, but unless you can allow for ebbs and flows as a natural course in a partnership, your risk pressuring your partner to withdraw further. Life happens, and it tends to break the honeymoon bubble of a relationship. It interferes, causes stress, alters focus and can either be embraced as you adjust and allow for the pendulum to swing back to various degrees of attention and desire while you respect the limits of your partner, or you will squelch the life force out of your relationship--and your partner.

    Your partner is asking for some self sufficiency from you while she tends to her own. She's telling you to back off from demands that she be any different than she can or wants to be. You can't manipulate someone else into wanting what you want. You can negotiate trades of specific behaviors that are valuable to one another, but 'specific' is the key word. So trading things such as cooking a favorite meal in exchange for a back rub, or anything else of value to your partner for something of value to you, may not seem romantic, but it's how successful couples 'work' in the long haul.

    You want your honeymoon period back, but consider comparing what you have today against going it alone. Then take some of the skills you'd be forced to employ on your own and use them to self-soothe and demonstrate self sufficiency in your relationship. If this doesn't work for you over time, consider your partner's suggestion to leave the relationship and find someone more suitable for meeting your needs.

    Not every match is compatible.
    Thank you catfeeder. Your words are always very relatable and inspire me to work through things.

  3. #13
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    Jul 2016
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    To add a bit to what Catfeeder wrote - I agree totally AND be careful what you wish for. Because if you find someone who indulges your needs or responds to them -to put it more fairly -there could be other downsides in the interaction including you being turned off by a seemingly "overly available" partner.
    I completely agree! I've experienced the other extreme and that doesn't work either. Balance is key.

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