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Thread: Are we meant to be in a relationsip?

  1. #1
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    Are we meant to be in a relationsip?

    I met a guy through an app not related to dating. It was just to make foreigner friends. We starting texting everyday on Instagram and later on whatsapp. We texted like four hours at least everyday. He is Indian and I am Spanish. I feel his values and morals are similar to mine, unlike most guys in Spain. We similar mindset about life about many things, although we may differ in certain things too of course.
    After like four months talking we confessed we liked each other although it was obvious before. When we had been seven months talking my cousin asked me if I wanted to do volunteering in India and I accepted cause I had always wanted to do volunteering abroad and also cause it was a good idea to meet him. We just met for three days and it was very good, we liked each other in person too and we kissed. As I thought it was normal the next step should be start relashionsip, but he said no, that I should wait cause he only wanted to take the commitment if he had job. 'So till when I will have to wait?', I asked, 'till November', he said.
    Some things I like about him is that he respect me a lot and he is not jelaous, he always try to please me if I tell him something bothered me, he also is very attentive.
    What I don't like it is that he has trouble to show his feelings and with this thing of making me wait, there is not way to change his mind and that is making me rethink everything. I wonder if I want a relationship with him or not, cause I feel a man who truly wants a relationship doesn't let external factors decide no? Maybe I am wrong. I am very confused.
    Other problem is I want to talk with him but I have to wait a couple of days cause he doesn't want to talk about this topic with his parents there.
    That's why I want to clear my mind, decide if I want to be in relationship with him or not before we speak on video. If anyone has advice I will be forever grateful.
    Last edited by Girl2197; 08-23-2019 at 05:44 AM. Reason: I didn't write a word

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He may be scheduled for an arranged marriage at some point. He just wants some fun. Don't take this seriously.

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    He says his parents let him marry whoever he wants if they like the girl. Although he also mentioned as last option if he is single he would accept whoever his parents choose.

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    Hmmm... if he is being honest, then he might just be trying to be responsible. How is his English, do you guys communicate clearly? All those months basically in a LDR, when you finally met, you only kissed? Did he want more intimacy? Were you planning to move to India to be with him if you guys became a couple?

    No worries if you don't want to answer some of the above, but those are the questions you want to ask yourself if you want to figure out his motives.

    Anyways, he is Asian, a different kind of Asian to myself, but I would understand if he did not want to officially commit to a relationship with you before he had a stable source of income. That's a fairly typical mentality among conservative Asians who consider being a capable breadwinner as a pre-requisite for any serious relationship.

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    Yes, we wanted, but I was on my period. His English is like mine, enough to have a conversation. He would move to Europe in that case, he wants to search a job in Europe but he needs to have experience first to search here so he wants to work some time there to get that experience. He is engineer. Thanks for explaining me that about mentality. That's what he usually argues, even I tell him I can have my own job. But i wasn't sure if it was him of his culture.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You barely know him and when you traveled to see him he was quite clear that he doesn't want a relationship. He is making sense. If you want a pen-pal that's fine but if you want a bf you might try dating local men.
    Originally Posted by Girl2197
    We just met for three days and it was very good, we liked each other in person too and we kissed. As I thought it was normal the next step should be start relashionsip, but he said no

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    Originally Posted by Girl2197
    Yes, we wanted, but I was on my period. His English is like mine, enough to have a conversation. He would move to Europe in that case, he wants to search a job in Europe but he needs to have experience first to search here so he wants to work some time there to get that experience. He is engineer. Thanks for explaining me that about mentality. That's what he usually argues, even I tell him I can have my own job. But i wasn't sure if it was him of his culture.
    Okay so only you know the full context, so I cannot give you a definitive answer. I asked you about his English level because I wanted to check if there was anything lost in translation and I asked you about the intimacy thing to get an idea for his motives.

    But based on what you have said, this guy was keen to have sex, but did not want to start a relationship, because he doesn't doesn't have a job yet. He also does not want to discuss things for a few days because his parents are around.

    Alarm bells should be ringing. Guys who want to have sex but not the responsibilities of a relationship is basically 90% of young single men, regardless of culture. In addition, you should be aware that just as Western guys have a fetish for exotic Asian girls, a lot of Asian guys have a thing for Western (white) girls too. If I put it bluntly, he might be just looking to tick off something on his bucket list and brag to his mates about hooking up with a white girl. Also if his family is very conservative, they might oppose a match with you for religious reasons, and he may not be in a position to defy them.

    Finally let's assume I'm being cynical and he is a good guy who is serious about you, but just wants to be in a position to take care of you before committing to a relationship... That means he will probably have to work in India for at least a year before he has the work experience to apply for jobs in Europe... That's potentially a long term long distance relationship. That's a very shaky and risky basis to pin your hopes on a long lasting relationship.

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    Okay, thank you for the advice, you helped a lot.

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Hey girl you can call the shots too. If you don't like something tell him. And please don't expect his word to be a promise. It's just talk until there is actual physical proof. If you want to throw caution into the wind and see where it goes? go for it...there are never any guarantees that there will be a serious/committed relationship out of this...just the chance you will have to take.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Girl2197
    He says his parents let him marry whoever he wants if they like the girl. Although he also mentioned as last option if he is single he would accept whoever his parents choose.
    Yea... but rarely do they "like" the girl. You must be very afraid of commitment if you think that an Indian man that won't even talk to you when his parents is around is going to commit to you.

    Why are you so afraid to meet a man in your own city that you can actually be with?

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