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Thread: Dating for almost 6 years and not sure if heís the one

  1. #1

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    Dating for almost 6 years and not sure if heís the one

    I am 29 and he is 39. We met when I moved into an apartment complex 6 years ago. I was just starting school again and he is a tattoo artist. Back then I was not serious about dating and didnít think much of the future. Heís so good to me and has grown to be more mature than he was when I met him. But I am learning that maybe our lifestyles might end up being different down the road. Six years later and Iím in PA school. Iím finding that the lifestyle of being a PA doesnít match that of a tattoo artist. All my cohorts are dating men with normal jobs and none of them have neck tattoos. Every time I get asked if I have a boyfriend they ask what he does, when I tell them they are shocked and some of them laugh about it. I hate that Iím embarrassed by it because I do love him so much. And to top it off, my parents arenít crazy about him either. My extended family doesnít even know about him because Iíd basically be the black sheep for being in such an unconventional relationship. I canít help feeling like we arenít a good fit but we do love each other very much. Iím just worried about what that means for our future as far as social standing goes.

  2. #2
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    If he's a good person who treats you well and is not sponging off you financially, what difference does it make how he makes a living or what he has on his neck?

    My mother (thankfully) taught me to never knock honest work. If someone's working at a legitimate job (meaning, not stealing or selling drugs) then who am I to judge?

    Honestly, it sounds like you agree with your friends and family if you're ashamed and are choosing to hide him. I would walk proudly into any room with a man whom I love and who treats me well. Why can't you?

  3. #3
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    Well, frankly your reasons for believing you're not a good fit or "the one" seem quite shallow imo.

    I mean clearly you are more concerned with "appearances" and what society thinks, so yeah end it, you're not doing your bf any favors by remaining with him.

    I feel badly for him. Here we have an honest, hard working man who treats you well, who loves you and you love him (or so you claim).

    Yet you're considering leaving because of how your relationship looks to others and what society thinks of it?

    Sorry can't wrap my brain around that mindset.

    Not that it matters, but there is a female attorney I know (partner in a large law firm), who is married to a construction worker with hair down to his waist and who rides and collects Harleys. Oh and yeah he has tattoos as well, several in fact.

    Do you think she gives a crap what others and "society" think or say? Big fat NO! Nor would I if faced with the same situation.

    But again your feelings so yeah dump him if you believe he is not up to your and society's "standards" of the type of person who is the right fit for you.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 08-22-2019 at 08:56 PM.

  4. #4

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    Thank you for your replies. I guess Iím getting too hung up on what everyone thinks. I think it stems from lifelong insecurities and being raised to highly value those things, even though it might not be the right thing to do. I just want us to be accepted in a world that can be judgmental. I appreciate the honest feedback!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you are concerned about your differing lifestyles or interests, it may be one thing so I wouldn't neglect that or ignore if you don't feel those match or are compatible. Relationships aren't just about love and loyalty. It means being compatible also and bringing out the good parts of each other. He seems to trigger insecurities for you around your family.

    Sometimes people also laugh out of nervousness, not because they particularly find anything amusing. Extensive tattoos are still frowned upon in most societies so neck tattoos will receive a lot of attention and not all of those are going to be positive. This may be a good time to ask yourself whether you're serious about the relationship or whether meeting him was part of a different era in your life (not compatible with where you see yourself going in the future). You are not obligated to stay with someone you're not in love with or don't see yourself spending your life with. I think it's also kinder to the other person if you're honest about it as opposed to ignoring it and telling him all those issues you're experiencing and what grief it's causing you years later on down the line. It wouldn't be a very loving or kind thing to do prolonging that.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, even though tattooed people are prevalent, there's still discrimination at he work place (some job interviews), social settings among family and friends. I've known great people with tattoos. There's discrimination at the work place regarding body piercings, too. No one will say it but discrimination and stereotypes still exist. Tattoos and / or body piercings are stereotyped and associated with thugs, ex-convicts, convicts, gangs, weirdos, roughnecks, bikers, drug addicts, alcoholics and unconventional types. Unfortunately, how you present yourself to society is still discriminatory.

    If you love him, then keep him! Don't care what other people think or say!

    Since you've been with your boyfriend for 6 years and he's a nice guy, then all you have to worry about is if he's a good provider. I'd be more concerned if you have to work like a dog to sustain your household with him. Focus on that and if finances are not an issue, don't care about how your boyfriend is perceived socially.

    You have to choose between your boyfriend or society. It's your boyfriend or your social standing and your family. It's a package deal. If you think your boyfriend will affect your image due to his unattractive tattooed image and this truly bothers you, then let him go. If you will sacrifice your image and social standing for your boyfriend, then keep him as your boyfriend. Those are your two choices so choose one of them.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You are saying you arent a good fit with him because others would not like his tattoos or what he does for work. But you do like this guy, despite tattoos. I think you've convinced yourself it wont work with him because of what others think! You need to get over that. It doesnt matter what other people think. It matter how YOU think.

  9. #8
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    If he was Steven Tyler and dressed like a woman, would you still be embarrassed?

    Personally, I like seeing couples that don't appear to 'match' on the exterior. I always figure that got something going on that's so good, nothing else matters. You might actually find that some people will be envious.

  10. #9
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    You say he has matured during the time you've dated but you have a lot more maturing to do. The 20's are a time to date, get burned, date some more, get burned some more, until reaching a point of appreciating what a real relationship has to offer. You clearly haven't had that opportunity of experiences if your main concern is about what others think of YOUR relationship. That's high school stuff.

    I don't have an answer for you other than you both may need to start discussing how you both would like the future to be as far as your relationship. Based on what you've written, at some point you are going to wander away from this relationship.

  11. #10
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    Does he know you're ashamed of him? Have you told him you don't want him to meet your extended family because he embarrasses you? Does he know you're afraid of what they'll think of him?

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