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Thread: Dating for almost 6 years and not sure if heís the one

  1. #31

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    For those of you asking about what I mean by lifestyle differences. For example. Our hours differ greatly. As a PA I will be at work long hours from 6am-6pm most days of the week. He wakes up late, comes home late and works weekends. Before, I had a job that matched his hours somewhat, so it wasnít so much of a problem. I always go on trips by myself because either he doesnít want to, says he canít afford it, or is working every weekend and canít take off work. For a long time I was ok with that because we are both pretty independent but now I am starting to value being able to live a good, fulfilling, fun life together. Thatís what I mean by lifestyle changes.

    Itís not just about social standing. As far as the social standing thing, it just gets cumbersome to have to justify my life to others and explain my life to them.

    And as far as my extended family not knowing about him, that wasnít my choice. Itís my mother not telling our family. We donít see our extended family hardly at all so whatever she says to the family she has put it through her own filter. I do care what my family thinks because they are my family and I love them. But I also love my quirky awesome funny guy. Itís just a tough situation thatís all. Thanks for all the feedback.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Leigh34
    For those of you asking about what I mean by lifestyle differences. For example. Our hours differ greatly. As a PA I will be at work long hours from 6am-6pm most days of the week. He wakes up late, comes home late and works weekends. Before, I had a job that matched his hours somewhat, so it wasnít so much of a problem. I always go on trips by myself because either he doesnít want to, says he canít afford it, or is working every weekend and canít take off work. For a long time I was ok with that because we are both pretty independent but now I am starting to value being able to live a good, fulfilling, fun life together. Thatís what I mean by lifestyle changes.

    Itís not just about social standing. As far as the social standing thing, it just gets cumbersome to have to justify my life to others and explain my life to them.

    And as far as my extended family not knowing about him, that wasnít my choice. Itís my mother not telling our family. We donít see our extended family hardly at all so whatever she says to the family she has put it through her own filter. I do care what my family thinks because they are my family and I love them. But I also love my quirky awesome funny guy. Itís just a tough situation thatís all. Thanks for all the feedback.
    My husband and I have different work schedules and I am a morning person and he is a night owl. But I'll share this story. We had to meet with our marriage officiant before the wedding -kind of a quick informal "counseling" session. He said to us "I'm not going to ask you two if you love each other. I know you do. But I want to know if you like each other - what do you like to do together?" We responded and I loved that he found that important so I share it with you two.

    Does your SO actually like to travel -meaning would he be willing to save up so he could travel? Or do you think it's mainly an excuse? Do you want children? If you have children will you keep your current work schedule and if so is your plan to find very early morning care for your child and/or have him stay home in the mornings? If he is not a morning person would he be willing to do so - so as you can see he will have to accommodate your non-traditional working hours too. My father had to work most Saturdays to make ends meet and my mother when she returned to working outside the home only worked Monday-Friday and only typical hours. I mean lots of couples have to do that. My husband travels for work often including at least one weekend day.

    Your mother can do what she wishes as far as telling the family. Their loss IMO.

    I would think about this in terms of whether his job/his hours and your job/your hours will be true for the long term (which is why I asked about kids) and consider that many people have non-traditional working hours.

  3. #33
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    The age difference is more an issue than the fact he's a tattoo artist. Who cares.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Leigh34
    For those of you asking about what I mean by lifestyle differences. For example. Our hours differ greatly. As a PA I will be at work long hours from 6am-6pm most days of the week. He wakes up late, comes home late and works weekends. Before, I had a job that matched his hours somewhat, so it wasnít so much of a problem. I always go on trips by myself because either he doesnít want to, says he canít afford it, or is working every weekend and canít take off work. For a long time I was ok with that because we are both pretty independent but now I am starting to value being able to live a good, fulfilling, fun life together. Thatís what I mean by lifestyle changes.

    Itís not just about social standing. As far as the social standing thing, it just gets cumbersome to have to justify my life to others and explain my life to them.

    And as far as my extended family not knowing about him, that wasnít my choice. Itís my mother not telling our family. We donít see our extended family hardly at all so whatever she says to the family she has put it through her own filter. I do care what my family thinks because they are my family and I love them. But I also love my quirky awesome funny guy. Itís just a tough situation thatís all. Thanks for all the feedback.
    I think the answers will come to you eventually and you'll find your way (both of you). There is no point stressing about it but it is good to ask these questions. I wouldn't take too much offense to the people who laugh or make you feel bad or your mum who doesn't seem to take your relationship seriously. Keep developing yourself and working on your career too. Everything will fall into place.

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  6. #35
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    you will notice that any negatives you are saying about this man are based on what others think (with a small part of that being how you look to others, which again is putting the power in what others think).... that's a bad way to live man - and it never works out good when you do that.

    Let's just supposed that you met somebody instead that everybody else in the world approves of... say like a lawyer or celebrity.. but he mistreats you. Is that what you wnat? Somebody everybody else approves of and sees as good for you but then mistreats you? The entire world approved of Bill Cosby for decades as a scholarly father-type figure. Who the F cares now that we know how he TREATS people?

    The best thing any of us can learn in our lifetimes is to F what other peopel think of us and stop letting that make our decisions or rule our lives. Truly. Who the F cares what they think? if they look down on you? If you love him, he's good to you, and your'e happy outside of how others perceive and make you feel about it - then i think you have a pretty good thing going then.

    Lastly.. as far as "our lives have to be simlar and compatible" - no thtey don't. It's all about who loves you and woudl do anythign for you and treats you well because they care enough about you to want to see you happy - and you for them. THAT'S what its all about. So if that means you're in the Circus and he's on Wall Street - who FREAKING cares?

    Good luck.

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