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Thread: Need some help....

  1. #1
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    Need some help....

    My boyfriend and I communicate differently and his preferred method of communication is always texting. I comply but cant always get a true feel for what is being conveyed...So he sends me a text after an argument first saying good afternoon I reply with “afternoon to you too”. He then send a follow up text stating “I'm trying to create some type of dialogue with us”.

    What does this mean?? I ask myself. Does he want to solve our problem?? How should I respond is my wonder?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If your boyfriend or anyone prefers only texting this is a big problem. He should put forth the effort to chat with you on the phone instead of relying on texting only.

    As for his "good afternoon" greeting, it sounds like he wanted more than "afternoon to you too" reply. This is the problem with texting. You have to explain everything to him until you're exhausted which is maddening. Ask him what he wants you to write / text him because you are clueless.

    Then ask him to pick up the phone and call you, or you call him instead of typing all the time to each other!

  3. #3
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    Why don't call him? Communication styles should go both ways. Stop indulging him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd text back something along the lines of "Let's chat later. I'll be home by x time and I'll call you." If you're annoyed with his half-hearted texts I don't think it's a good idea to start any dialogues, phone or text, in that moment. Save it for later when you're feeling better and you've given yourself time to sort your thoughts on any pre-existing problems.

    Do this a few times and he may do the same in time. He'll eventually understand how you think or what you expect. You may need to be a bit patient with him. There are opportunities to learn more about each other (the same goes for you learning about him). Go easy and enjoy your time together.

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  6. #5
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    Thank you for your response. You are right... Texting has been a huge problem for us. So the back story is the day before that text was sent was when we had the argument during a phone call. Then late that evening he sent a text saying “I'm scared to even call you now“!!! I didn’t play into it but just simply texted back “ okay... good night”! As expected nothing more from him that night.

    Now fast forward... As a response to “creating some dialogue”, I said “Im open to that” hoping it would lead to sone kind of verbal communication. Instead he replies “I'm just trying to figure out a way to approach it ”
    Approach it???? wth.... I'm so frustrated... everything I want to send as a reply has a negative annotation and Im trying not to always come across negative.

  7. #6
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    So I did text back “Im open to that” hoping it would lead to sone kind of verbal communication. Instead he replies “I'm just trying to figure out a way to approach it ”

    Now Im even more confused

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    There's definitely a miscommunication problem. Have an in person conversation and discuss this so there is no misunderstanding whatsoever. It's difficult to be very clear via text / email / messaging because you don't have back 'n forth dialogue such as on the phone and even better are facial expressions. Something gets lost in translation when it's reduced to written form all the time.

    Since it's awkward texting lately, make it clear to him that you need to talk to him and listen to him, too. Have an in depth, CLEAR conversation the next time you see him.

    Also, scale back on texting or written forms of communication because your relationship will grow stale and there are more arguments from excessive correspondence.

    Try a new approach with him and try to get him to cooperate with you. You're getting your wires crossed here.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nosocialmedi
    So I did text back “Im open to that” hoping it would lead to sone kind of verbal communication. Instead he replies “I'm just trying to figure out a way to approach it ”

    Now Im even more confused
    Why all the texting and phone calls? Are you long distance? Text and phone should be used primarily to set dates. Get into the real world.

  10. #9
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    If you don’t like texting then stop texting!!!
    Or, one last text stating you are not willing to discuss by text or call and arrange a time to catch up in person!
    And in future only respond to texts by calling him?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I see a guy who is too lazy to phone you. Important things need to be discussed face to face or by phone. Texting is the easy way out that does not allow a person to use tone to express themselves, like when actually speaking to someone.

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