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How do I tell the truth


Sky89

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I have recently got back in touch with an old friend and things are now turning into a romance. When I last saw him I was in a relationship with one of his work colleagues which ended about 7 years old, however we have remained good friends so much so that we live together and go on holiday.

 

I have not told the guy I am seeing yet as I thought it would be weird over text and would be better in person. However my ex/friend says this is wrong and I am lying to him.

 

What shall I do.

 

Many thanks

Sky

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Move out!!! If you have a boyfriend, the last thing he wants is for you to be living with another man!

 

There is no reason for you to move out if you are only friends. I do not understand why you would not be honest with him, though. Why does your friend think you are lying?

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I do want to be honest with him, I was hoping to tell him face to face as felt it might come across wrong in a text. However I have now gone away for 6 weeks.

 

My friend says I should have been up front when I started talking to him again.

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You're still in a relationship albeit unfulfilling and boring. You seem to be rehearsing the "we're just like roommates" speech to rationalize your feelings and hoping con this guy into cheating with you.

I have recently got back in touch with an old friend and things are now turning into a romance.

we live together and go on holiday.

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I do want to be honest with him, I was hoping to tell him face to face as felt it might come across wrong in a text. However I have now gone away for 6 weeks.

 

My friend says I should have been up front when I started talking to him again.

 

Just tell him the next time you see him.

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Yes, you should have been upfront about it from the beginning. When someone is not upfront, it is natural to assume they are hiding something or lying. But that is the past, shoulda's, coulda's don't help, it's now time for the next option.

 

Please do not tell him by text, not only is that sadly weak, but it also can cause him to react or misinterpret without there being a chance to further talk about it. Talk about it in person when you get back so there is a chance for a complete conversation.

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Most people don’t like it when their partner is really close to an ex - nevermind living with them and travelling with them.

 

Normally I would agree that this kind of thing is a discussion you would want to have in person - but another 6 weeks or so is a long time. Especially if you just started dating this guy.

 

Since he already knows your ex, I think you should just find a way to bring him up in conversation. “Oh, so Joe picked up my mail and said that I got a cool card” (or whatever) and you can slip it into the conversation.

 

I don’t think there is a way to cushion it. Either it will be something he is ok with or not. Probably not. Might as well come out with it sooner than later, IMO.

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It's generally not a good idea to mislead anyone. I'm not adverse to text/email/phone information when it comes to important information. We're in the 21st century, not asking about how Rochester's hand is doing in a sitting room after the fire in Jane Eyre. This constitutes important information in my eyes and he should know whether you're in the same room doing it or not.

 

Prolonging it due to qualms about methodology when it's as serious as "Sorry, it's over" would not work for me. On those terms, there is very little to say so say what you have to and move forwards.

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