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Thread: He's done a 180° on me overnight

  1. #1
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    He's done a 180° on me overnight

    I've officially been with my boyfriend for 4 months now but we dated a good while before then. Everything has been wonderful as it should be at the beginning but it appears the honeymoon period is well and truly over and the cracks are starting show. A good friend of mine said once that the cracks will always show after a few months but this is the make or break time as it's how we deal with them that determine our relationship. Here's where my problem comes in. A couple of weeks back he had an issue he brought up with me and we sat and talked it out and it was so refreshing. He said in a good relationship you talk about your problems (100% agree with that!) and we resolved the issue. Now a few days ago he made some "laddy banter" comments that actually upset me. I waited until we were alone and asked to talk to him about it and he kinda fobbed me off and he didn't talk to me the rest of the day. He was chatting to my cousin later that day and told her he was annoyed with me because I'm not driving yet (I'm currently learning and it bothers him that I haven't learnt before now as I'm in my late 20's but I don't see how that's his problem). The following day he started messaging me like normal and perhaps I should have left well enough alone but I was upset he spent the day before ignoring me and about what he'd been talking to my cousin about. I told him I knew he was frustrated with me about the driving but it's something we talked about before and he knows I'll get there. He said he was frustrated but there was more to it but when I asked what he just made a rather vague pointless comment. I asked if he was feeling like he didn't want to be with me anymore and he said no but then had a go at me for being upset with him over the "banter" and that if I wanted to have an argument we could. I didn't understand where that came from at all. I was actively trying to avoid an argument by talking things out but it feels like that's only something he's willing to do if it's him who has the problem. I have an issue and he flips it around on me like he can't handle being in the wrong. I could get past this and accept that this is just a part of who he is but what I can't stand is the silent treatment he's got me under ever since. He's sent me a stupid video on social media but when I tried talking to him (just normal stuff nothing to do with any of the argument) he gave me short one word answers and then made himself unavailable all day. I have no idea how to go about this. I've well and truly fallen for him and now I think I'm seeing another side that had I seen before would probably have stopped me from feeling that way. He's always been obviously quite self centred but it's never been nasty before. I don't want to throw it away if it's just a momentary thing or perhaps I'm simply overreacting and overthinking it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Toriana
    I told him I knew he was frustrated with me about the driving but it's something we talked about before and he knows I'll get there. He said he was frustrated but there was more to it but when I asked what he just made a rather vague pointless comment. I asked if he was feeling like he didn't want to be with me anymore
    I want to start with this here^^ When trying to talk to him about his frustrations over you not driving, you made a huge leap to asking if he didn't want to be with you anymore.
    As much as I can see you need to vet things out, I don't know that he's just stonewalling you, but more so picking his battles. From everything you just explained it does kinda sound like you are trying find things to argue about.

  3. #3
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    He sounds really annoying to deal with. Doesn’t sound like you were being unreasonable in wanting to find a calm moment to address something that bothered you, but he doesn’t seem willing to discuss when he deems it unworthy. At this point I’d cut my losses. Doesn’t sound like something that will get better miraculously.

    You mentioned at the end of your post that you found him self centered before this argument too. Can what makes you feel that way?

    Also, unless you’re using him as a free taxi service, it’s really none of his business when you decide to get your license.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I want to start with this here^^ When trying to talk to him about his frustrations over you not driving, you made a huge leap to asking if he didn't want to be with you anymore.
    As much as I can see you need to vet things out, I don't know that he's just stonewalling you, but more so picking his battles. From everything you just explained it does kinda sound like you are trying find things to argue about.
    I can see how that looks and I was worried that's what he thought too. My problem is I over think and freak myself out and I just wanted to talk to him about what was worrying me. He knows I'm an overthinker and his responses have left me even more confused. I don't believe he wants to end it but I'm so sad he's not talking to me now. The last thing I wanted was an argument I just wanted to understand where I stood because it become so confusing.

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    I know you've really fallen for him, but at only 4 months in, my advice is to let this one go.

    It's much too soon for all this bickering, him being annoyed at you because you don't drive? How is this any of his business?

    Is he being forced to drive you everywhere or something, what's his problem???? Geez.

    And then you getting annoyed at him for the bantering followed by him getting frustrated, having another go at you -- sweetie when your bf starts getting frustrated and annoyed at you for such stupid s*** as this at only four months in, time to call it a day!

    It's not going to get better, trust me.

    He's just not feelin it same way you are, I'm sorry.

    And I personally believe your instincts in asking him if he still wanted to be with you were spot on.

    I would have asked to, like I said, him getting so annoyed at you about such stupid **** is pretty telling.

    Except if this were me, I would have told him I didn't want to be with him anymore.

    Next.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you're trying to change and fix and train each other which spells disaster. It's not your call how he talks to his friends. Unless he does all the driving it's not his call whether you drive or not. Tell your cousin to stop gossiping about you with him.

    You need to pull way way back on this and stop trying to force all these talks and drag out all your "concerns". The more you push like this the more he'll pull back. Dating is a what you see is what you get observation period. Stop contacting him unless he responds and seeks conversation. Stay busy with your life and stop laser focusing on changing him. Also reconsider someone who uses silent treatments.He sounds quite immature.
    Originally Posted by Toriana

    Now a few days ago he made some "laddy banter" comments that actually upset me. I waited until we were alone and asked to talk to him about it and he kinda fobbed me off and he didn't talk to me the rest of the day.

    he was annoyed with me because I'm not driving yet
    I asked if he was feeling like he didn't want to be with me anymore and he said no

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    Originally Posted by BecxyRex
    You mentioned at the end of your post that you found him self centered before this argument too. Can what makes you feel that way?

    Also, unless you’re using him as a free taxi service, it’s really none of his business when you decide to get your license.
    He's always been all about him. In every conversation (not just with me) it's always his time to shine and he cuts across anyone who tries to talk. He's never particularly interested in what's going on in other people's lives but can't wait to tell everyone what he's up to and what he knows about something, he has very strong opinions and you can't argue with him. But all of that has never really bothered me, people are different after all and he's always been quite sweet with me. He certainly lacks empathy but he does care. And I'm absolutely not using him as a taxi service, I couldn't even if I wanted to! He doesn't go anywhere if he doesn't want to and that's actually what annoyed me about it because my not yet driving has zero impact on his life. He's just recently got a job after being unemployed for a year (because he wanted a year long break from work) and all of a sudden he's angry at me for not driving and working (I've been unemployed for roughly 4 months and it was due to some severe health problems that I had to stop at the time). We don't live together so none of this should actually matter.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    With this added content, the decision is easy. Dump him, he's acting like an arrogant jerk.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2

    Dump him, he's acting like an arrogant jerk.
    Well said!!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    With this added content, the decision is easy. Dump him, he's acting like an arrogant jerk.
    Yup, this is easy, dump him. I agree he's an immature jerk.

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