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Thread: He's done a 180 on me overnight

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I might have overlooked everything else as petty and a little moody and insecure on his part but I don't think very highly of anyone who gossips. That part about speaking about you or griping about you to your cousin, your family relative, of all people is not only ill-mannered but somewhat lacking in intelligence. I'm sorry. For that reason alone, not nice.

  2. #12
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    ...........

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Toriana
    [B]He's always been all about him. In every conversation (not just with me) it's always his time to shine and he cuts across anyone who tries to talk. He's never particularly interested in what's going on in other people's lives but can't wait to tell everyone what he's up to and what he knows about something, he has very strong opinions and you can't argue with him. [/B]But all of that has never really bothered me, people are different after all and he's always been quite sweet with me. He certainly lacks empathy but he does care. And I'm absolutely not using him as a taxi service, I couldn't even if I wanted to! He doesn't go anywhere if he doesn't want to and that's actually what annoyed me about it because my not yet driving has zero impact on his life. He's just recently got a job after being unemployed for a year (because he wanted a year long break from work) and all of a sudden he's angry at me for not driving and working (I've been unemployed for roughly 4 months and it was due to some severe health problems that I had to stop at the time). We don't live together so none of this should actually matter.
    I can't understand why YOU would choose to be with someone like this? Do you gravitate towards jerks? He sounds obnoxious, mean and lazy. This is who he is.

    Do you usually date men like this?

  4. #14
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    I read your history. Your engagement ended 4 months ago, then you immediately got involved with this jerk. Why did you not wait at least 6 months to heal? Do you always bounce from man to man? Are you that scared of being independent?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I can't understand why YOU would choose to be with someone like this? Do you gravitate towards jerks? He sounds obnoxious, mean and lazy. This is who he is.

    Do you usually date men like this?
    I think as a rule this seems to be the case; I've never had a boyfriend that wasn't selfish but when I talk to my friends it's always the same old "what man isn't?" response so I tend to overlook it. I had one long term boyfriend (8 years) who loved me very much but he was very neglectful of me due to a terrible alcohol problem that ultimately ended us. Since then I've been in a relationship that felt perfect and we'd made amazing plans and then he just switched and changed his mind. I think that has a part to play in my paranoia in expecting my current boyfriend to turn out to be lying to me and take it all away. He is obnoxious, no doubt about it and he can be thoughtless sometimes but I worry I'm projecting a lot of fears and overthinking what's actually going on.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I read your history. Your engagement ended 4 months ago, then you immediately got involved with this jerk. Why did you not wait at least 6 months to heal? Do you always bounce from man to man? Are you that scared of being independent?
    5 months but that's neither here nor there. I was devastated at the time but through talking it out here and doing a lot of thinking I realized how glad I was that had ended and how abusive he'd actually been during the year we'd been together. This guy came along without me expecting it and things just kinda happened. I held him at arms length for a while and it was only a week ago that I allowed myself to admit I really care about him. We had a great talk and both admitted we loved each other.. Things have changed somewhat since then but I don't know if that's me projecting my fears over what happened in my last relationship with how abruptly it ended. Before my previous relationship I was never paranoid or insecure but now I'm over emotional and scared. I probably wasn't ready for another relationship but you can't help how you feel.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Toriana
    I think as a rule this seems to be the case; I've never had a boyfriend that wasn't selfish but when I talk to my friends it's always the same old "what man isn't?" response so I tend to overlook it. I had one long term boyfriend (8 years) who loved me very much but he was very neglectful of me due to a terrible alcohol problem that ultimately ended us. Since then I've been in a relationship that felt perfect and we'd made amazing plans and then he just switched and changed his mind. I think that has a part to play in my paranoia in expecting my current boyfriend to turn out to be lying to me and take it all away. He is obnoxious, no doubt about it and he can be thoughtless sometimes but I worry I'm projecting a lot of fears and overthinking what's actually going on.
    Sorry, your friends are wrong. You are gravitating towards jerks. It is who you are choosing. You should not be overlooking selfish, overbearing, insensitive behavior. This is what leads to emotionally abusive relationships.

    He did not change. This is who he is, he is simply exposing more of his true self.

    I think that you are the common denominator and you choose bad guys. I strongly suggest you take a long break from dating and possibly get some therapy to deal with the other relationship, as you are choosing toxic partners.

  9. #18
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    Plus, why would you choose someone who chose to be out of work for a year? Why is that a positive thing? Yikes. He has a poor work ethic. How did he support himself? How old is he?

  10. #19
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    I think it is sad how you and your friends view men. The majority are interested in their partners and treat others with respect. Just like women. None of my male friends are like this, either are the partners of my girlfriend's.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Toriana
    5 months but that's neither here nor there. I was devastated at the time but through talking it out here and doing a lot of thinking I realized how glad I was that had ended and how abusive he'd actually been during the year we'd been together. This guy came along without me expecting it and things just kinda happened. I held him at arms length for a while and it was only a week ago that I allowed myself to admit I really care about him. We had a great talk and both admitted we loved each other.. Things have changed somewhat since then but I don't know if that's me projecting my fears over what happened in my last relationship with how abruptly it ended. Before my previous relationship I was never paranoid or insecure but now I'm over emotional and scared. I probably wasn't ready for another relationship but you can't help how you feel.
    Scared probably isn't the best place to be. Being fearful and edgy with the people closest to you is not healthy and it begins to corrode your sense of stability and safety/trust in others. Try and work out what is good for you and what isn't good. Try to stay away from people and situations that don't make you feel hopeful, positive or allow you to think clearly.

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