Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21

Thread: Where do I stand with my ex? (Long post)

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    8

    Where do I stand with my ex? (Long post)

    This story has stumped 2 different professional therapists so I'd like other peoples incite as to what I can do. To start, my ex always saw me as her dream guy matching everything she wanted in a partner and it was the same for me which is why I'm so confused. My ex and I were going steady for 6 months and we had a breakup in September, I applied no contact for 3 days and it got us talking again and seeing each other again. While we were talking she was assuring me there wasn't anybody else. One night in October, I took her on a date and I had her phone and I accidentally opened a message when it popped up and found out she was talking to a guy and she blocked him and got back with me there on the spot. Ever since then we were super healthy and our relationship was never as strong. We experienced new things together and really grew up with each other.

    Months pass and things were really great and we were very mature about everything and making plans with each other. In June we couldn't see each other and we had our first actual argument over text 2 nights in a row and after that we didn't argue again. June 28th she was making plans with me to go on trips and doing really nice things (her idea) so I didn't see anything was wrong and we were supposed to see each other on July 4th. She's planning on moving out within that week of July 4th with her work friend from her parents house which will give her a lot of freedom to do things she hasn't been able to. July 2nd I go out with friends and she's sending me the normal snapchats as always and when I get home she calls me out of the blue saying we need to break up. She's crying and I'm calm and explaining to her that this isn't right and we can get through it. Of course she denied it and said I make her unhappy and doesn't see a future with me

    Next day we call and I tried again and she was more hostile throwing blame at me for small things that didn't correlate to why she'd leave me. A few days after she started talking to me and was screen shotting my snaps like she did when we were together it was weird for me and we make a day to talk. On July 17th we finally meet and when we were talking I explained how I felt and it made her cry and get touchy with me and she told me there's someone else. I explain more and she changed her answer from no to I'll think about it. After getting up from talking she brought up how a couple that walked by has a baby and why we didn't yet and brought up living with me like we were supposed to. This confused me because it directly contradicted why she broke up with me. We ended up going places and having fun and we went to her house and ended up having sex. She was holding onto me like she really didn't want me to leave and before I left she told me she loved me, I said it back and she said it again. Very out of character for her because I'm usually the one who initiates that, maybe over analyzing but odd to me. She calls me the next day and she's going into detail about her day and I asked when I can see her again and she replies with she's going out of town with the "someone else" next time she's off and that destroyed me but I hung up before I let my emotions about that out so I didn't damage my chances.

    Those days pass and she gets home from the trip and we call and she tells me I make her happy and I made her cry with sweet things and she still said there's someone else. I was sure it had to be the guy from last time because shes posted pictures with him, but something tells me it wasn't. A couple days pass and we planned to call and that day came and she asked if we could the next day. Next day comes and she says she's out of town and can't call and I tell her we need to talk (because I need answers) and she says she's with her new boyfriend. I don't reply and she replies back asking if I'm okay and I say I'm fine. I realize she's in that city again with this guy and it's making me wonder, if he's real he lives very far away. She hasn't posted anything about him across social media and hasn't taken down my pictures. She gets back in town and I say we need to meet to clear the air she agreed and wouldn't give me a date. I tried again in a few days and she wanted to meet the next day instead of my suggestion for the next week.

    That day comes and as soon as she woke up she wanted to reschedule for Sunday and I later realized she was too anxious. That Saturday she finally removed my pictures, but only the ones that I'm immediately on and not the ones that you have to scroll to find me. That Sunday comes and she tells me to bring some things she left at my house and she can't stay out late because her boyfriends staying with her. I go and see her and she shows no emotion towards me and I explain my feelings and she's not showing emotion and still is blaming me. Saying we argued all the time and we had more bad times than good (which is definitely not true). She always made super creative gifts for me that she put a lot of time and love into and I never really did it for her because I'm not creative. I pull out a scrapbook I made for our 2 year anniversary that wasn't finished yet and it shocked her. She was carefully turning each page and she said she wants to read it more thoroughly when she gets the chance. The book came with a video of our memories playing to her favorite love songs and she was trying to hide that she was crying. I showed her a letter I wrote her about how I love and accept her and it made her cry and she let me hold her. Her phone keeps blowing up and she finally answers with an irritated attitude saying she's on her way. I realize her boyfriend has been behind us for 15 minutes and we hug and she leaves.

    I was so mad and upset after this. Next morning I felt destroyed like I lost my chance and she's gone. She texts me in the morning saying she wanted to make sure I made it home okay, I replied with I did, thank you. I believed that was the last of it. I notice on her twitter (where her friends and family aren't on) she keeps posting depressing things about her boyfriend all from that city 4 hours away. Then that Thursday she posted something almost confirming they broke up. The next day I try and reach out and say I wanted to check up on you make sure you're doing okay. She replied with I'm ok and waited then asked how i was. I replied with I'm doing good I was running errands and I was thinking about you. At this point I still have my 6th sense for her and can tell when she's depressed and this is mid august at this point. She didn't reply to my message and it upset me. This Sunday comes and something weird happens. I watch her snapchat story about how this guy from last time we broke up made her dinner because she's sad and that he's her best friend. not even a minute later she sends me a snapchat, not a text, with a picture of her eating spaghetti saying "for old times sake." She always sent me those pictures when we were together and I replied with something sweet but not heavy and she left it on read. Then she deletes the post after I replied. The night prior she was posting her going out to a party with that guy and ever since we broke up she's been posting her going out drinking, wearing more revealing clothing etc. I also noticed when I last saw her she looked well... not that good. She looked drained and she cut her hair and dyed it, new piercings, no makeup, dirty clothes... not looking too good for that boyfriend.

    Back to the story, the next day I hit her with a nostalgia snapchat like she did to me with the same caption and she just opened it, no reply. She posts more pictures with this guy that night and the next morning. She knows I don't like this guy because of last time and she went from posting once a month to 3 times a week with this guy... almost like she's actively trying to make me jealous. That was the last we talked and I have no clue where I stand, but I'm starting no contact, but I don't know if that'll be effective. She's very depressed and confused and I want to help her but she won't let me. I want to get back with her because now I'm in a better mindset and not as depressed and anxious as I was. If someone can give me incite as to what I can do here I'd love to know.
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 08-21-2019 at 05:28 PM. Reason: Edited/Paragraphs

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,813
    Gender
    Female
    The relationship is over. You're not going to find a miracle online to seduce or coerce a person into wanting to be with you. Respect her wishes and avoid her on social media. You seem full of regret and missed opportunities. It happens. Try and be mature about it. It's time to move on. What she does from now onwards is none of your business.

    Your therapists may be stumped because they are being paid to help you but you are not willing to help yourself.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,396
    Gender
    Female
    paragraphs, please

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Heather Dawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Boxborough, MA
    Posts
    2,410
    Gender
    Female
    Can't read this block of text, sorry.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    8
    Well my therapist I've known since high school and he brought his wife into it (it wasn't a separate session) to try and understand what she's doing because it's not like how normal breakups are.

    Also why would she reach out of it was done and over with. I even told her last time I saw her I just want her to be happy with or without me and it brought her to tears. Do you have any idea what I can do in my situation besides wait?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,813
    Gender
    Female
    You are not supposed to wait. My advice is to start living your life more purposefully without waiting for someone who doesn't want to be with you. She has moved on. Even if she reached out she's not pledging her love or her life to you. A bit of water while in conversation is not commitment or an invitation. No cigar. You're reading into your ex's every reaction which is why I've suggested you limit all contact with her. The relationship is completely over and you're appearing obsessed over someone who is not interested in you enough to be with you or reliably with you in any form of committed relationship.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,396
    Gender
    Female
    . . if it's not too late, break it up into paragraphs.
    Most responders will by pass a giant wall of text.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,348
    Your therapists are probably stumped because you are asking them to find some way to get a woman who has chosen to be with someone else.to come back to you.

    Your therapists can't interfere with free will. Neither can you.

    This has been a mess for months. It's not going to magically change into what you want it to be.

    Sorry, but it's time to move forward.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,813
    Gender
    Female
    Deleted (not relevant).
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 08-21-2019 at 05:30 PM.

  11. #10

    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    8
    I'm willing to move forward, but I don't believe this is done because of how she is. She had a failed rebound relationship that threw her in a deeper hole and she's becoming more depressed. I wish I could help and pull her out of it, but I don't want to interfere if she doesn't want me to. I treated her very good and gave her the dream relationship she wanted, but her life took several turns at the end.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •