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Thread: get away right?

  1. #21
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    Why do you refer to them as "they?" Why not he or she?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 08-21-2019 at 06:20 PM.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You need to call her bluff. She's a bully. Do not tolerate the manufactured chaos in order to control and confuse. Get to therapy for yourself alone and confidentially and Do Not Discuss this with her. Learn about power struggles. You also need to get to an attorney to have some of your questions answered so you know where you stand.

    Do Not Abandon the house. You need a lot more advice from a good attorney as well as a therapist to understand the anger, escalation and toxic dynamic this relationship has. If you are legally married that part about her splitting the assets and telling you to move out is horsecrap. Consult an attorney specializing in the type of marriage you have, get your ducks in a row and realize that it's not working and most of all she doesn't want it to work.
    thank you Wiseman2. i have talked to an attorney, and was told what i could and could not do. i can't move out but i can go "stay with friends" so pack a bag with some clothes like i'm going on vacation or something to get some space.

    we are married legally, and i've been told how the divorce would work should that be a reality. i guess i want to get away to digest all this before taking the next step, which is dealing with the actual process of divorce. i just need some time and to be away from my spouse so i can get some of my strength back. my spouse's fragrance is all over the house and i can't take it, it kills me.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    My husband uses ridiculously nice fragrances too. If it's any consolation it also drives me nuts when we are in disagreement and the house smells like his shirt.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    how do you intend to support yourself?
    that would not be a problem (sorry forgot to mention that).

    i have a good job and am done with my education, no kids, etc. i could do it but it would be hard to get over my spouse. that would be the biggest struggle.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    And that is a huge mistake. Playing right into the bullying and giving her all the power. Act indifferent and ask her not to come home. Stop cowering and turn this around on her. Demand respect. Do not offer sex or affection. Stop being a doormat.
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    i've made very clear to my spouse i don't want a divorce, they know that. i can't take another night in that house alone, and watching them come and go.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why do you refer to they as "they?" Why not he or she?
    i'm trying to be gender neutral i suppose. i know these days the "he" and "she" can be irrelevant. so i wanted to pose the issue i'm facing without genders, because if you think about it, does it really matter? the issue is still the same regardless of which gender is dealing with it right?

    maybe i'm just way over thinking how i'm presenting this though, which could be the case as i'm struggling emotionally right now since i'm losing my marriage.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    My husband uses ridiculously nice fragrances too. If it's any consolation it also drives me nuts when we are in disagreement and the house smells like his shirt.
    it's the worst. i just want to lay in my spouses closet, i miss them so much when i'm home alone. but i don't, i'm trying to ignore the smell even though it's there.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Act indifferent and ask her not to come home. Stop cowering and turn this around on her. Demand respect. Do not offer sex or affection. Stop being a doormat.
    so one night, my spouse said they weren't coming home thru text (i didn't respond to it). then at midnight they came home and got in bed with me. we didn't talk about it the next day as they got up early and left. but before they left, they kissed me on the cheek and hugged me goodbye. it was very confusing.

    i feel like even if i did say, "don't come home" they would and would revel in that fact that they got me upset. thus why i just want to pack a bag and stay with a friend for a while.

    i will have to tell my spouse i'm staying with a friend and won't be home, so that it's not technically me abandoning the marriage per the attorney.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    i'm trying to be gender neutral i suppose. i know these days the "he" and "she" can be irrelevant. so i wanted to pose the issue i'm facing without genders, because if you think about it, does it really matter? the issue is still the same regardless of which gender is dealing with it right?

    maybe i'm just way over thinking how i'm presenting this though, which could be the case as i'm struggling emotionally right now since i'm losing my marriage.
    It doesn't matter which gender it is. Bad behavior is bad behavior. It just helps in responding. Kinda strange to refer o them as "they."

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to stand up for yourself.

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