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Thread: get away right?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I would contact an attorney before you go anywhere .
    i have, i can't just move out and leave. i'm just going to pack a bag and stay with a friend. more so to gain some mental strength and think clearer about all this.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You're requesting for stability in an unstable place by responding with instability.
    huh?

    i thought more of it like, "i need to get away from this person who wants to sleep with me and kiss and hug me, etc all while they say they want a divorce and leave me at home alone all the time". i just want to not have to be around them so i can go to work and come home and not have to deal with the back and forth of them. i feel like if they are not willing to work on the marriage, why am i around?

  3. #13
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    this may be irrelevant, but although i'm not begging and pleading with my spouse to stay with me. i am still very much hurting. i cry in the shower, i can't stay asleep for long, my clothes are hanging on me because i've been barley eating since i've been so depressed about losing my marriage and not being able to do a thing about it.

    i'm also by myself all the time. i come home to an empty house, and go to bed with it empty. my spouse comes home late and gets into bed after i've fallen asleep. it's really difficult. i've been thinking about staying somewhere else for about a week now. maybe it's not the best action to take but it's incredibly hard to watch my spouse coming and going from the house and being treated like this.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    this may be irrelevant, but although i'm not begging and pleading with my spouse to stay with me. i am still very much hurting. i cry in the shower, i can't stay asleep for long, my clothes are hanging on me because i've been barley eating since i've been so depressed about losing my marriage and not being able to do a thing about it.

    i'm also by myself all the time. i come home to an empty house, and go to bed with it empty. my spouse comes home late and gets into bed after i've fallen asleep. it's really difficult. i've been thinking about staying somewhere else for about a week now. maybe it's not the best action to take but it's incredibly hard to watch my spouse coming and going from the house and being treated like this.
    Remaining helpless in a hopeless situation has be to really painful. You need to start acting on your behalf and not just enduring the same painful thing every day.

    I know you have plan to leave for a few days. How about you get busy planning some other things? Apparently your husband is busy leading his life. It's time for you to get busy doing the same.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    huh?

    i thought more of it like, "i need to get away from this person who wants to sleep with me and kiss and hug me, etc all while they say they want a divorce and leave me at home alone all the time". i just want to not have to be around them so i can go to work and come home and not have to deal with the back and forth of them. i feel like if they are not willing to work on the marriage, why am i around?
    The reason why I'm skeptical of leaving the home is that I'm not certain if you'll come to any clarity outside of it. At this time your stressors seem to be external but they are only verbal. His acts of intimacy don't seem to be posing any physical threat to your personal safety. If you are uncomfortable with physical intimacy you might ask for respect and establish that you're not comfortable being intimate until the both of you speak genuinely and openly about your problems. You haven't mentioned establishing boundaries on your part. It appears that you seem to be leaving the situation and this has triggered a fight/flight response. While it may hit the pause button for you, you're not growing in your ability to work through that initial response and you also don't seem to be working on establishing your boundaries with your husband. This is not growing as a couple.

    I'm not sure we know enough about your situation to determine that your husband isn't willing to work on the marriage. He isn't the one leaving the family home. He seems to be the one initiating intimacy. He may be confusing, a little cheeky and manipulative in his arguments but he isn't actually causing you any physical or serious harm either.

    Without knowing too much about your situation, you're appearing a bit impulsive and it might not look very favourable on you in terms of your character or ability to work on the marriage either. I'm saying this out of your interests in mind, not to upset you.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Remaining helpless in a hopeless situation has be to really painful. You need to start acting on your behalf and not just enduring the same painful thing every day.

    I know you have plan to leave for a few days. How about you get busy planning some other things? Apparently your husband is busy leading his life. It's time for you to get busy doing the same.
    yea, seeing my spouses wedding ring on the kitchen table everyday kills me. i feel like they leave it out to remind me they want a divorce. i still wear mine, i just can't bring myself to take it off.

    so my plan would be to leave and stay with a friend. this friend has kids so i could help them with their kids and make dinner, clean their house, etc as a way of saying thank you for giving me somewhere to go. that should keep me busy for a while. i also have work and some books i want to read. that's all i got though. i'm sure i should try to think about what to do with my marriage while i'm away, but is there anything i can even do? they don't want to try, so maybe i should start planning what my life will be like after divorce?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    yea, seeing my spouses wedding ring on the kitchen table everyday kills me. i feel like they leave it out to remind me they want a divorce. i still wear mine, i just can't bring myself to take it off.
    If that's the case, I think you have your answers. I don't think he's invested in the marriage at all and I'm sorry you're going through this pain. Removing a wedding ring before a marriage is over or before there is an agreement that it is over is below the belt, in my opinion. Where is he coming and going from? You mentioned him coming and going in post #13. If you are serious about separating, how do you intend to support yourself?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to call her bluff. She's a bully. Do not tolerate the manufactured chaos in order to control and confuse. Get to therapy for yourself alone and confidentially and Do Not Discuss this with her. Learn about power struggles. You also need to get to an attorney to have some of your questions answered so you know where you stand.

    Do Not Abandon the house. You need a lot more advice from a good attorney as well as a therapist to understand the anger, escalation and toxic dynamic this relationship has. If you are legally married that part about her splitting the assets and telling you to move out is horsecrap. Consult an attorney specializing in the type of marriage you have, get your ducks in a row and realize that it's not working and most of all she doesn't want it to work.
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    to keep it short, my spouse has been threatening divorce the last few months when a disagreement happens.
    they are not open to counseling and have recently talked about splitting up our assets and helping me move out.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse

    Without knowing too much about your situation, you're appearing a bit impulsive and it might not look very favourable on you in terms of your character or ability to work on the marriage either. I'm saying this out of your interests in mind, not to upset you.
    i know you are and I appreciate that, i'm open to any discussion and appreciate it.

    but i don't feel i should have to set boundaries with someone on "sex" when they are the one that wants to discuss divorce. i feel like that should be obvious, right? most people don't want to have sex with the person they want to divorce, am i right?

    i've made very clear to my spouse i don't want a divorce, they know that. i can't really grow with my spouse if they want to stop growing.

    that being said, i'm not in any physical harm. but my heart is in harms way. i can't take another night in that house alone, and watching them come and go. it's painful, thus why i want to get away.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Where is he coming and going from? You mentioned him coming and going in post #13. If you are serious about separating, how do you intend to support yourself?
    i actually don't know. i mean work is obvious during the week, but on weekends i don't know. i don't ask, nor do i wait up for them until they get home, or text or call them while they are out. i mean why should i, it's not like they are telling me where they are going. i feel like if they want to come and go and not include me in there whereabouts then they must not want me knowing. it's very difficult and i'm tired of them knowing i'm alone all the time.

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