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Thread: get away right?

  1. #111
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you've decided to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions because you can't survive alone. It's not limbo. It's a stand off. He wants a divorce but you don't. Ultimately he'll divorce you whether you want it or not.

  2. #112
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds like you've decided to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions because you can't survive alone. It's not limbo. It's a stand off. He wants a divorce but you don't. Ultimately he'll divorce you whether you want it or not.
    i'm not turning a blind eye. i'm creating separation. he will know where to find me if he wants to work on this marriage or if he wants to go through the motions of divorce. i'm not going to fight him on a divorce. will it be painful? absolutely. will i be sad to live without him in my life? without a doubt. but i'm not going to live in limbo forever.

    i'm staying with a friend to get away from him and think on my own two feet without him in the picture. i've talked to another attorney today and i'm free to stay with a friend as we have to be separated for some months before we can file anyway. so that's that. i'm done being at home waiting on him to make up his mind. i love him with all my heart, but this isn't love what he's doing and i'm ready to be without him if that's what has to happen.

  3. #113
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    Are you leaving because you don't have the willpower to say "no" when he asks for sex or to "cuddle"?

  4. #114
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He will continue his indiscretions and now that he sees you are fine with it, in fact condone it by leaving the house so he has all the freedom he needs, he may not file. He may just keep you around like a cook/housekeeper while his mistress is lobed and treated will. It may be cheaper an more convenient for him. And since you don't want a divorce, he's got it made. You installed as a housekeeper and his lover and no expensive divorce. Perhaps you can rent a room somewhere so his lover can move in?
    Originally Posted by Purdy
    i'm not going to live in limbo forever.

    i'm staying with a friend to get away from him and think on my own two feet without him in the picture. i've talked to another attorney today and i'm free to stay with a friend as we have to be separated for some months before we can file anyway. so that's that. i'm done being at home waiting on him to make up his mind. i love him with all my heart, but this isn't love what he's doing and i'm ready to be without him if that's what has to happen.

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  6. #115
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Are you leaving because you don't have the willpower to say "no" when he asks for sex or to "cuddle"?
    Nope, leaving because I want my space from him and since he won't leave, I did. I can't live with someone who treats me the way he does. I'd rather live out of a suitcase than sleep another night in our home.

    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He will continue his indiscretions and now that he sees you are fine with it, in fact condone it by leaving the house so he has all the freedom he needs, he may not file. He may just keep you around like a cook/housekeeper while his mistress is lobed and treated will. It may be cheaper an more convenient for him. And since you don't want a divorce, he's got it made. You installed as a housekeeper and his lover and no expensive divorce. Perhaps you can rent a room somewhere so his lover can move in?
    Wiseman2, i read your posts and this one especially seems a bit hostile. Not sure what's up with the condescending nature of your last sentence even. I'm sure you're a nice guy but some of the things you write I'm like "whoa this guy".

    So I'll say again, I have no proof he's cheating or has a mistress. Also, I'm clearly not fine with his behavior as I've left our home. Lastly, I don't care whether he files or not because after the time has elapsed for our separation, I'll file. I've been strong in calling attorney's, reviewing my rights, finding another place to stay, and taking care of myself. I do apologize that you see these things differently, but I'm proud of myself and I'm going to be ok.

  7. #116
    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Hey Purdy,

    I read your inital post early on, and considering contributing but wasn't sure I had anything valuable to add at that stage. I continued to follow it from time to time. Viewing it in totality, and with no investment in some position I have taken, it seems to me you have genuinely done the work, moved forward from your initial confused and desperate place and, at the very least, started to rediscover your own sense of worth. You are taking practical steps based on your hard work and are on your way to a better place. I agree, you have been strong. Please, keep your head held high and move forward. I think you have every right to feel proud and you are going to be ok.

    T

  8. #117
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    Originally Posted by WaywardKiwi
    Hey Purdy,
    I agree, you have been strong. Please, keep your head held high and move forward. I think you have every right to feel proud and you are going to be ok.
    thank you for your thoughts and kind words Waywardkiwi, it is very special to me in this difficult time. feels like my life is upside down right now, but i remind myself this wasn't my choice. i can honestly say i really tried to love him through his worst but i just can't do it anymore. all the hurtful things he's done and said, if his goal was to push me away... it worked. i don't want to spend years or months chasing a marriage he doesn't want. i have to let him go.

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